What do you expect to happen at a play date?

[EmotionalSupportPotato]

I've found myself in the position where I am hosting a play date for my daughter and her 5 year old friend in a couple of Sundays time. I haven't ever had one before where the parent doesn't stay. What would you expect to happen on this play date? It's 3 hours long. Do I need to set up activities? What activities? Or do they just play free style? What sort of lunch should I offer is sandwiches ok? Should I be closely supervising for 3 hours?

I always check with the parent for allergies and ask what sandwich fillings the child likes so I'm sure they'll eat something. I show them to the toys and let them start with entertaining themselves but always have a craft activity up my sleeve in case the child is tricky/needs some structure. Make sure they know where the loo is when they arrive. We also have a rule that if they play upstairs, it's only in my DCs bedroom and the door needs to stay open. In a worse case scenario (absolutely wild animal child) I have put cartoons on for them to watch!

I’d calm down a bit before anything, OP. No, I never organised any activities, beyond letting anyone visiting DS help, if I was baking. Keep an eye on them, obviously. Meals tended to be pasta and tomato sauce, cheese sandwiches, homemade pizza etc. Whatever was easy.

@TheMaenads Thanks yes I need to calm down I'm just so nervous I'll get it wrong. I always over think everything. It feels like a big responsibility

At that age, I let them do their own thing (within our family rules) unless things went pear-shaped, when I'd intervene to suggest activities or sit and play with them myself to help them regulate.

Food pretty much always pizza or pasta as far as I recall. Don't mix anything until you know the visiting child likes it though. I've had children who hate sauces on pasta or intensely dislike a particular sandwich filling, for example.

There’s no way to get a play date between five year olds ‘wrong’!

I'd have plans to give them food but otherwise just leave them to it. Occasionally DD and her pal will appear asking to get the craft stuff out or something but otherwise they tend to shut themselves in the bedroom to play and emerge every so often for snacks

When they're young or it's their first visit I don't plan to get anything done. Sometimes they hit it off and play and you just keep an eye, some times I've had them get off to a slow start where they don't know what they want to do and I intervene and set something up to get the ball rolling.

Ask what food she will eat and allergies, keep it simple, let them play and stay within earshot in case of falling out or them playing with stuff they are not supposed to. Get them to tidy up before friend goes. If you xan get them outdoors for some of the time ask they bring clothes suitable for the weather.

I generally open the front door, accept the child, and off they go. Dinner is usually pizza, pasta, or chicken nuggets. I've had times when I've had children who just don't seem to know how to play without adult direction, so I've joined in with board games or helped them get set up. If they've been really high-energy, we've gone out to the park or the woods to let off some steam. I think you just have to be fairly relaxed and go with the flow. Good luck 😃

Excellent thank you all so much for not just laughing in my face

In our house at that age:

Child arrives and they play beautifully together for around 15 minutes
My child suggests building a den, brings everything they own into the living room and causes a massive mess
Both kids get board as soon as den is finished and spend the next two hours running round the house like mini whirling dervishes. Someone pours out the Lego box everywhere
I feed them lunch
Parent arrives, kid goes home, I spend the afternoon tidying
My kids say “best play date ever!”

First, talk to your daughter (and any other children in the house) about special toys that they don't want to share and put them in your bedroom.

For food I always did a "build you own" meal, so different toppings in bowls and tomatoes paste and grated cheese that they can add to sliced french stick/ pizza dough / crumpets / pasta whatever and make their own pizza or pasta - that takes up a little time and calms them. Whist the pizzas cook some rich tea biscuits / gingerbread men and icing pens and sprinkles so they can make their own afters/dessert/pudding (whatever you call it).

Free play afterwards.

I would probably have a few things set up if it needs adult help, so table with play DOH and shape cutters, or a painting area. They wouldn't have to use it but having the bits ready to go is useful

Enjoy! Play dates are great because they'll want to play with each other and not bother you (in my experience). Keep an ear out for any disagreements but otherwise just enjoy the peace.

The putting away things that are special is v v important. If a friend insists on playing with a toy that your dc doesnt want to share it is the fastest way to an awful playdate

I used to go through things with my dc the day before a playdate and be crystal clear that anything that wasnt ‘special’ and put in my room for safekeeping dc HAD to share with the playdate child

I was also crystal clear with my dc that the playdate was only in dc room and living room, no taking playdate child on tours of the house, and if playdate child wanted a tour or was looking themselves, then dc should come and get me.

lastly I talked with my dc about what being a good host looked like from the perspective of what would be nice for them if they went to a friends house…being shown where the loo was, chatting, taking turns, bragging, not leaving them alone or playing something the other child didnt like etc. Its all part of training them in being nice and socialised humans 😁

Great thank you!

IME the point of a play date (or ‘having a friend round’ as it used to be called) is that you can ignore them and leave them to it, beyond basic supervision while I read a gardening magazine.

No entertaining small children, no work beyond lunch or a snack, just two children amusing themselves without adult intervention.

It’s very important children learn to entertain themselves, play cooperatively and use their imaginations. Arranging activities and getting involved is very nice on occasion, but a bit of benign neglect is more useful in the long run.

Make sure they know where the loo is and feed them at some point, but otherwise leave them to it unless there's arguments or crying ( usually occur if sibling tries to get involved, ideally have them each have a friend over at the same time if you have more than one DC). I normally try to keep play dates to around 2 hours as they can get a bit fractious after that, but may be a bit late to change if you've already agreed 3 hours.