Struggling to reciprocate playdates

[Windypinecones]

DS(10) has a friend who regularly asks him around for playdates - probably once a week. They are usually impromptu - eg on the playground after school. Sometimes he goes round to their house with me anticipating to pick him up in a couple of hours, and then the parents call asking if it's ok for him to go to the cinema with them or something.

Me and DH both work FT, so while playdates are possible, they aren't ideal on school nights. And on weekends there is time, but there are also activities to fit in. So generally we do organise playdates, but tend to be planned in advance. Consequently I'm struggling to match the frequency and duration of the playdates with his friend, plus feeling slightly uncomfortable about their generosity in taking him out to the cinema etc.

Just looking for advice on how to approach this. If it helps, DS's friend only moved here earlier this year from another country, so there is probably a difference in culture. I find most other families here do playdates much less frequently.

how local are they?
what would your DS otherwise be doing?
and at 10 you need to speak tp your DS to say these as hoc last minute play dates are sometimes inconvenient and sometimes you will be saying “not today”

my child wouldn’t be going to evening cinema during the week other than on a special occasion

as for reciprocity

drop mum a message to say how you’d wish you could reciprocate to suite the same extent but unfortunately both in FT work and tricky and would love him over…. and then give a date

Is the other child an only child? Maybe it suits the family to have a friend for him/her and so they enjoy having your child round?

Don't over think it, if they were only doing it to be reciprocated they would have stopped by now.

We both work full time and can never do anything weekdays it's a pain

No his friend is not an only child. He lives fairly locally but still a drive away so DS can't come and go independently. What would DS be doing otherwise? Just chilling out at home after school or on the weekend.

It sounds like the other kid just likes the company of your son and the family enjoy having him round. I wouldn't worry too much about tit for tat play dates (aren't they a bit old for 'playdates' now anyway?). Ask the friend round every now and then as suits you, and always thank the parents when they do something nice for your son, and that's enough.

your ds is an only child?

Just tell the parents exactly what you told us - that you appreciate them looking after your son and taking him on outings, and you would love to reciprocate but it won't be as often!
The family clearly likes your son a lot.