Starting to feel guilty for not co-sleeping…

[Mushroo]

My LO is 11 months old and a pretty decent sleeper. We’ve always had a good routine and she goes down in her cot for her naps no problem (cuddling her little bunny) and we’re down to one or two wake ups a night when she either gets fed, or a little cuddle and back down. She’s in her cot at night usually 8pm - 8am.

We did do Ferber when she was about 6 months old because she just would not sleep even when being rocked / cuddled / fed to sleep and it took about 2/3 nights and it was all fine.

I was feeling really happy with where we’ve got to, but now every time I open instagram im bombarded with reels and posts about how kids need to co-sleep to feel secure, how leaving them to sleep on their own causes anxiety etc etc.

it’s making me feel awful!! Is putting her to sleep in a cot really so bad?

Ha it’s funny, because all the co-sleepers are like “am I teaching them codependency?” And talk about it ruining their marriage. Basically the takeaway message is as a parent you’re always going to be criticised/see other ways of doing things and second guess yourself. My 2 1/2 year old has never slept in bed with us, and my 10w old also sleeps in her cot. Personally I find it makes us all sleep better, but others will disagree and that’s ok! I think whatever works for your family is the right choice 😊

I never co-slept with either of mine, they were in their own room at about 8 weeks old. Neither have issues with anxiety, they are both resilient, independent and capable young adults and we have an amazing bond. They know I am always there for them, I can't imagine co-sleeping could have had a better outcome.

Mine are 21 and 20 and co sleeping would have been my hell on earth. Needless to say they are well rounded young adults with no worse off because of it. This is one thing you do not need to feel guilty for.

Some kids just need more support to sleep. You've got lucky and haven't got a baby that needs it.. so enjoy it!

My now 4 year old has never slept with us in our bed. She was in a Next2Me with the side up until she was around a year old when she moved into her own room.

She is a lovely very secure little girl who is also a fabulous sleeper. Absolutely no regrets at all having not co-slept. She also stays in her own bed overnight and calls for us if she needs us.

It's absolutely fine.

There are some people who, to justify their own choices, need to badmouth everyone else's choices.

See also: breastfeeding/bottle feeding, sleep training/not sleep training, school/homeschool.

A loved and well looked after baby is fine in a cot, fine with a bottle and fine with a bit of sleep training. If you're a mummy martyr you don't want to believe this because you need to justify your own choices. Ignore.

Basically unless you're hitting your kid at night time or leaving them alone in squalor to scream for hours then you're just fine, your baby is fine and you can scratch this off your list of parenting worries, because god knows there's plenty others

I think everyone just does whatever is easiest and works best for them. My first was premmie so was in hospital for a month and it meant he was good at settling himself and sleeping by himself. My second cosleep every night including the night he was born in the hospital bed with me until he was sleeping through at a year old. I was too tired to even think about any other way of him/me getting any sleep!

Don't be. Every baby is different and every decade has it's ideas how to bring up a baby.

When DD was born Gina Ford was very popular, then attachment parenting came up (or better, came up again) and the breast vs bottle was huge. We also had baby led weaning vs spoon feeding and so on. And don't even start of returning to work and sending a toddler to nursery vs the SAHM discussion.

Parents who are stressed out because they can't sleep thanks to the octopus in their bed aren't useful to anyone. Better having the baby in a different bed/different room which works equally good than for the ones who co-sleep because that's the only way everyone gets sleep.

DD was definitely one of the ocotopus variety, co-sleeping in our super king size bed because she was ill only worked when DH moved to the sofa bed. Even at 11 I hated sharing a king size bed on a short vacation thanks to the hotel messing up the twin bed reservation.

Mine were in their own rooms at 8 weeks, 6 weeks & 6 weeks. I have never and would never co-sleep.

Nothing to feel guilty about.

I co-slept with all of mine and am a huge fan of it, but only because it was finally a way to get some sleep after hellish attempts to get them to sleep on their own, which process took my mental and physical health to the brink. So if I am evangelical about it, it is purely from that angle and not because I think I have produced well attached and secure children. Which I think I have, party, but I doubt it's purely down to sleeping in the family bed. And my relationship did break up btw! Again I think it would have anyway, but the sleeping situation didn't help.
Make no mistake- had any of the DC slept happily on their own I'd have been all over that like a shot!! You do you, and just enjoy your DC (and your sleep; you lucky lucky thing.)

Are these posts from actual friends of yours? Or are they targeted stuff, because if that’s the case it’s just the creepy algorithms showing you stuff that it thinks will get your attention… then if you watch one it shows you more in a similar vein… I wouldn’t overthink it, there’s stuff on the internet to support ANY viewpoint and it sounds like your current approach works great for your family! So what’s the issue?

Putting her in her cot isn't "that bad" but leaving babies to cry isn't good for them. There's research showing that it's harmful. Yes you'll hear lots of anecdata that people did this and their children are fine, but you also got that with putting babies to sleep on their front, using cot bumpers, smoking in the house, weaning at 4 months etc etc. It's survivors bias. My own mother tried to persuade me to bind my baby's legs to "straighten them out" 🙄

I'm not saying this to make you or anyone else feel bad, but I don't think it's helpful to gloss over the fact that some things that people have done for ages is harmful. We respond to research and data.

But it's done now so no point dwelling on the past and feeling guilty about that, just do your best going forward.

I thought Feber wasn’t recommended until 12 months now?

Anyway, if you want to cosleep then start cosleeping. Cot is fine. There is a big debate on sleep training but little research. The best source of research into sleep but aimed at parents is the BASIC website run by Durham uni.