How did you choose a therapist?

[oister]

I've been looking on the bacp website but there’s a lot of different people to choose from, if you have had therapy/ counselling how did you choose who to contact?

I left a message for one person but they didn’t get back to me, I don’t know if it would be needy to call again, this is exactly why I need a therapist! (This is a joke and actually the least of my problems)

As an aside, I see a lot of people recommending that someone has therapy/ counselling on various threads. Do they think this will help because they have done it and it has helped or is it just a line that’s trotted out when someone seems to be struggling?

I go by specialism. Look for what you need help with and pick someone with expertise in that field. I also look at their age and how long they have been practicing. I've always preferred older therapists as they have more lived experience. I also found it easier to relate to female therapists.

Draw up a shortlist and have an initial conversation, you'll know when you've found the right one. You need to be comfortable with them as you have to expose your worst bits to them to fully benefit. If you fully engage, it is very empowering. You'll learn a whole set of tools which will help you navigate through your life. (Can you tell I've had a lot of therapy?) 😅

Thank you so much, this is really helpful. I had the same feeling that an older woman would be my preference but slightly worried that was looking for a mother figure!

Desperately want these tools that I hear about from people who have done therapy. I’ve seen a CBT therapist and not found those tools useful but I haven’t felt that the people I’ve seen have been a great fit either, so good to hear that you did know when you had found the right person.

Can I ask if you did sessions with several people before finding the right person? And if you did how many people did you have to see before finding the right one?

I've had several therapists over the years for lots of different things. I got better at picking therapists, but also engaging with them. It's hard work and can be extremely painful and difficult. I've had about five or six from my mid 20s onwards. For me, it's about how comfortable you feel, if you don't think you can trust them to see your vulnerability, you move on. A good counsellor will understand.

I had life coaching when I split from my exH which really helped me work out what to do with my life and then group counselling/coaching from Women's Aid to deal with exH's abuse. I did have CBT offered by the GP, but I didn't find that helpful.

Depends what your problem is.
Counselling is for the present problems..
Therapy is for past trauma.
I've had just about everyone going over last 40 years..
I'm just coming to the end of CAT Therapy..
It's one to one and you develope a relationship with your therapist.
Honestly I've had mindfulness.. CBT... EMDR.. and this is the best..
My past trauma was like something out of a psychological horror film.
I feel like I've taken a magic pill.
Was recommended to me via an assessment through the NHS..
www.acat.me.uk/page/about+cat

Firstly identify what sort of therapy you think you'd like: person centred = someone who lets you lead, integrative = someone who has knowledge of many therapies and tailors them to suit you in each and every session, CBT etc etc
Look for experience as already stated and years of practice.
Don't get caught up in member/accredited etc as BACP are twats towards therapists (IMHO) and being accredited only means you can write about your practices but doesn't make you a good therapist ( I've had shocking therapists).
Then interview or at least speak with the therapist before agreeing any sessions... most important thing is if 1 doesn't work for you doesn't mean you won't find someone you can connect with.
Also agree that a therapist who is a life coach can be really valuable if you are looking at changes but not so much if you want to process past/ trauma etc.

Sorry to hear they’ve not got back to you. How long has it been?

I’ve had both good and bad experiences with therapists but am now seeing someone who’s been really good for me. I disagree with the previous poster who said not to get caught up in member/accreditated - I would be extremely wary of any therapist who hasn’t bothered to join somewhere like BACP or UKCP.

Here’s what I looked for when I chose my current therapist:

I wanted a male, just a personal choice
A price I could afford!
Needed to like and get a good gut feeling from his picture
Blurb that sounded human - I don’t like it if they use loads of academic jargon or lead with how highly qualified they are
Plenty of therapy experience, not newly qualified (my therapist is a supervisor and trainer as well as in private practice)
Experience in a mix of approaches

Ultimately I’d say a lot of it came down to gut feeling. Best of luck.

What are you hoping to achieve with the therapy? What changes do you need to make?

There are some good YouTube's on how to choose a therapist - I'd give them a watch

Thank you, this was really helpful! Good to know I’m not alone with CBT not working.

Thank you, it’s so good to see other peoples criteria.

Interesting that you don’t rate the BACP or UKCP!

I called on Monday, followed up with a text as the answerphone said that was easier than leaving a message. It sent as an iMessage which didn’t deliver so I sent it as a text on Wednesday. I suppose she might still reply but I don’t want to wait around for someone either.

Thank you for the link, I had not heard of this.

I’m sorry this reply got deleted, I found it unhelpful for a minute but actually I think it was insightful. I don’t want to end up with someone who just listens to me, I also want input. It’s good to know what to look out for to not end up with ‘old rope’

I had no idea there would be a YouTube tutorial on this, great place to look thank you.

I think part of the reason I’m struggling to choose is that I’m not quite sure what I need out of this. I have old family/childhood things that I need to discuss and more recent difficult events. I think these things are all effecting my current relationships (children/friends/family), my confidence and career choices. My life’s got overwhelming and I don’t know where to start putting things right.

I agree with previous poster who mentioned looking for a relevant specialism on the therapist listing. Avoid the ones that say they specialise in EVERYTHING and give a huge list from anger to bereavement to eating disorders to trauma etc. that isn't a specialist and they likely have a very surface level knowledge of each of those things.

I think I might have quoted the wrong person with one of these replies sorry. I'm doing this on my phone and not getting it quite right!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to write replies, I really appreciate all the input, all great info.

Personally I prefer to email. If they’re difficult to get hold of I’d just move on to another I think.

One further consideration is if you want to meet online or in person. If online you’ll have a much wider choice.

This is a great way to narrow down the list fast, a lot of people say the do a lot of different things. Thank you

Great point, I don't want someone hard to get hold of that's non starter. I will email too, and email other people and see who gets back to me. Thank you

See now I’d discount the person you messaged. They didn’t message back.
I messaged three people and went by the replies. One was a little short i felt and did feel warm. Another didn’t reply. The last had an automated reply saying they’d got my message and would come back to me asap. Then the message back was very warm and so I contacted him. Initial meeting it’s all about feeling them out. Ask about their experience, test them a little with some of what you might bring. For me, it takes 3 or for sessions before I decide if I’m comfortable enough to continue. Trust takes much longer

Out of five counsellors I’ve liked two. One I was with for 6 yrs and the recent for 1 yr so far. Remember they work for you, you don’t have to stay with anyone that you don’t feel you could be comfortable with. Trust your instincts.

oh and I wholly recommend therapy. I have severe childhood trauma. It’s changed my life.

Use counselling directory it's easier to filter.

Give yourself a preset list of requirements. I'll give you mine as an example.

• Within 25 mile radius.
• No more that £50 per session.
• Male.
• Similar age to me.
• Experience with PTSD, anxiety, depression, attachment problems.
• Comfortable to work with suicidal clients
• No analysts. (Psychoanalysis is the least helpful kind of therapy.)
• Must look nothing like J (abuser csa)

I got on counselling directory and filtered for people within 25 miles who worked with those specific problems. I scrolled through photos and clicked through profiles for a bit and bookmarked the ones I thought I could work with. I went by pictures to start with, thinking could I imagine talking to this person. Do they look friendly, warm etc. The ones I liked the look of, I checked their bio.

If they were an analyst, I binned them, if they were out of my price range, I binned them, if they just sounded a bit twatty and pretentious I binned them. You get the picture.

I made myself a short list of 5 therapists and called them all up. Two never responded so I binned them. The other 3, one I binned off after speaking on the phone as he was slightly condescending. Another I tried a couple of sessions with but stopped as I wasn't comfortable with him and he wasn't really open to discussing other ways of working. Immediately said he knew he wasn't the problem. Bye!

Third was the one I stuck with. Not a huge degree of experience, he sort of learned along with me and we have had some major conflicts and clashes along the way but he's always been open to discussing what is happening in the moment, in the relationship, the difference between what he is experiencing and what I'm experiencing. That has been key to successful therapy.

Not much experience with attachment work but he sought extra training and supervision and took responsibility for that.

So yeah, shop around and don't give second chances to the ones who don't return calls. If they're unreliable now, before they've got your money, they'll be no different going forward.

This is really great, thank you, so good to see how you whittled it down. I need to do this process with my own criteria. I will try this website too.

Chipsahoy, can't quote or at, sorry!

Thank you, also really great to hear how you did this. I think I will move on from the non replier. Hard to remember they work for you!!

This process alone has mades me see so many of my issues ha!

Once I had 4/5 therapists that fit my criteria I booked an initial session with each of them. At the start of the session I explained that I planned to see five people for a first session and to pick the best fit for me.

It's important to find someone who you can communicate with easily and feel safe with. Different therapists suit different individuals.

You need to click with them. So agree with all the good and practical advice the others have given on type of therapy etc ... but honestly just ask if you can chat for 5 mins.
I've seen a LOT of different therapists in my time and I'm
Sure all were good in a "qualified" way but some of them just didn't work for me.