Help I'm struggling so much

[Drsfruit]

My 16 week old baby just will not be put down. Yes I have a sling but there's a limit to the amount of stuff I can do with him in it and it kills my back (it's properly fitted, I went to a sling library and have two different ones). He's a heavy baby. Every time i put him down he kicks off. I haven't got any family who can help. He's my second baby but my first wasn't like this. I'm losing the plot.

As long as he’s safe (and fed, clean etc) let him kick off.
mind you I was from the school of thought that 10 minutes of crying and rage wouldn’t do them any harm, I know some parents now who would sooner walk over burning coals than hear their child whimper so I accept my way isn’t for everyone!

oh, I remember that so clearly (despite the sleep deprivation)

it feels an awful thing to say but you might just have to get used to the cry...

obviously don't just Leave him, but don't necessarily pick him up. Try having him somewhere you can put a hand on him, maybe?

Does it make a difference if he's on the floor, or on the bed? Wrapped or unwrapped? Flat or slightly upright?

I'm so sorry, I'm sure someone will be along with decent advice soon but the only thing may be to grit your teeth and ride it out knowing that it won't be forever.

Tbh I would say do not feel guilty if you have to put him down in his cot or somewhere safe to 'kick off' once or twice a day and be in another room/ have a cup of tea/take a shower. The good thing when they're tiny is they can't move about much if you leave them in one place.

If you are baby wearing he will definitely know you are basically there for him and are a reliable caregiver, even if you leave him sometimes.

I hope things get better soon.

I don't object to letting him grizzle a bit (sometimes he has to) but I'm autistic and I find the noise almost impossible to cope with

Today he wouldn't even go down in his bouncy chair or on his playmat for 10 minutes so I could unpack the shopping and i just broke down in tears tbh. My eldest had his moments but I could put him down for 15, 20 minutes at a time to get basic jobs and self care done.

Put him down and let him scream, no harm will come of him.

Loop earplugs and let him cry.

I'm so sorry, this really is the sharp end of parenting, isn't it.

(big hug)

Could you wear noise cancelling head phones and check on him visibly for ten minutes?
I used to put my grumpy one in his basket, put headphones on and Hoover. He often used to fall asleep!
also, he was a really hungry baby I realised, so once I understood he had to have both boobs then an extra large bottle of formula n top (the midwife had to order the bottles from Europe 😂) he was a bit more affable.

My second baby was like that -I did everything with her attached to me in a sling. She would only feed in 5-minute bursts too. Lower your standards and just do the jobs you can do - this phase will pass!

Oh he's a total boob monster.

I do often let him cry out of simple necessity tbh, or I'd never eat lunch or go to the toilet. But it weighs me down when I see others with their babies who are happy to sit in prams or on their playmats or even watch those bloody dancing fruits!!

I do have some headphones.

I went through the same thing with my clingy daughter. I couldn't handle the crying! I just gave up on doing things and enjoyed the baby snuggles.

I do this to an extent - my standards of housework aren't high at all, especially at the moment - but when it gets to the end of the day and I haven't even emptied the dishwasher and all the dirty dishes are piled on the side it does get me down. DH does pretty much all the housework when he gets in from work.

Is he okay with doing that? If not, would he be okay with holding the baby and resting while you do it? It sounds like you guys are being a good team in this trying period.

He's fine with it (so he says anyway) and he does hold the baby as well but DS is the kind of baby who tends to be more unsettled for anyone but mum. I just feel like we are ships in the night at the moment and I also feel terribly guilty for the lack of attention I'm able to give my older child. He's 9 so he's had DH and I to himself for a long time.

@Drsfruit Ah, that's rough. I don't have experience with re: to the 9 yo, as I only had one kiddo myself and her half-sisters were teens and not desirous of our attention, but maybe you can do sit-down things together as a family? Board games or movies, maybe? Trips all together to the playground, so one parent can sit with the baby while the other plays with DS?

sing...at him\with him..clap your hands...dance a little...
breath in and out slowly couple of times n talk even if he doesnt let up-just counter with i.m just here picking up the shopping and putting it away...like disengage from(nd i suffer the noise thing so the sound of your own voice no matter how forced sounding calm n cherrful n unphased .set a timer if helps or pick a song to do whatchu gotta do...but breath in,out n pretend youre calm til he gets to realise, you are so he can be too.4esp when strest gun to hed to lift\feed your body will be wound.lie to self,calm breath slow in and out fake it til you make it.....i also think ds2 made me greatful for the wonderweeks site...he ws more on that pge thn ..ny book id read. xx

Sorry no helpful advice but just to say I was in the same boat as you when my second came along. It's really stressful being screamed at all the time especially when your first was much more settled.

Just know that you are doing your best and it won't always be like this. He's still very little. You're not doing anything wrong.

It will get better I promise - hang in there