Why do newly single people go out drinking so much?!

[Ch0cDr0p]

Just an observation that when people come out of long term relationships they suddenly glow up and start going out to pubs/clubs/events more. I get that there's a period of finding yourself again but why in clubs and pubs? They were always there and you can still do those things when you are in a relationship but it seems to be more frequent when people become single.

Is it to meet a new love, or show yourself off as a new person or is it because you gravitate to single friends and so look to fill your time together this way?

Naturally I'm not referring to those who may gave been jn abusive relationships and were not allowed to socialise.

I'm also not criticising at all, I'd probably do the same, I'm just wondering why it's such a right of passage to newly single/divorcees!

Do we? Don’t you mean “why do some people go out drinking?”

For me when I left my husband I went out more because he had the children every other weekend so if I'd sat at home on my own i'd have been bored/lonely. But also when I was with him he made it very difficult for me to go out with my friends, moaning and sulking and when I was out constantly messaging about the children and trying to get me to come home. So yeah once I had a bit of freedom back why not go out and have fun?!

…are you newly single and questioning this in yourself? If not, why do you care?

Not been in that position, but many friends who are. I imagine it’s because it’s more fun than sitting in on their own 🤷🏻‍♀️my single friends share custody of their children, so on the weekends their ex has them, they tend to get together and have a girls night out and have fun. Maybe it’s better than spending the weekend alone. I dont think it’s to meet a new partner in my friends cases. I’m too lazy these days to dress up
and go out on Saturday nights, so I’d probably be screwed if single now!

Where else are you supposed to meet potential new partners if not in bars?

This is the strangest question I've seen on here.

When someone goes through a break up they often feel very low. Friends will encourage them to get dressed up and go out to have some fun instead of sitting at home dwelling on the past.

Others who go through a break up can be very relieved. Their old self comes back and they are able to be the person they were.

Others have small children and weren't able to go out much. Now that their XP has the children overnight, they have time to themselves and rather than sitting at home moping, they go out.

It's so obvious!

I think probably because when you are used to staying in with someone, it might feel a bit sad for some people to be staying in alone. Going out gives an opportunity for a different / fun / alternative way to spend the evening rather than 'as you were, just on your own'.

Because they can.

Most don’t.

Do they? Most people I know don’t go to bars or pubs much at all, and they never go to clubs.

For fun! A lot of husbands (and probably wives) quietly make going out difficult, either because they are lazy, or they don't like their wives friends, or they want to go out with their own friends while their wife babysits... So when this restriction is lifted, many people make the most of it.

Partly for some people it’s a way of reclaiming their single selves, partly a matter of doing something sociable while their children, if they have children, are with the other parent, partly a way of reminding themselves they can be attractive to other people, whether they want a fun, meaningless ONS within 48 hours of their relationship ending, or just re I ding themselves Thete may be another relatiinship in their future. Also a matter of reminding themselves they’re not the only single person in the world.

Because when people have been going through a bad time, they want to negate it by doing things they enjoy? I mean, it's not complicated. People who have been going through a stressful time want to let their hair down, have a good laugh with their friends and remind themselves that they can still have fun without a partner. For some people, going out drinking is a good way to do that. For others it might be something completely different.

Ive been single for years but i only drink on holiday now.
When i split from my last partner years ago i booked a flight and got under someone else that helped me get over it.
Its down to others what they want to do and how they want to live.
good luck to them.

Because they can.

When my DH of 16 years and I separated he was out almost every single night. He had not been out much apart from his hobby during the proceeding years because he firstly just didn’t ‘need’ to (apparently) and he hadn’t really maintained friendships apart from the ones we had as a couple. We did tend to do social evenings with those friends every fornight.

He hated me going out, so was also trying to set the tone and make me feel like I was doing something ‘wrong’ if I wanted to go out with my (seperate to our joint) friends.

His going out immediately after we split was what is best described as “frantic” with heavy drinking, in a sexual relationship with the first someone who showed an interest within 4 weeks. He refused to have a schedule for contact with the kids, ONLY having them when I had a shift at work, then leaving directly after and going out drinking.

He boasted to anyone who would listen how GREAT his newly single life was.

He couldn’t sit at home with himself, he couldn’t not be entertained/busy. He admits he couldn’t sit with himself and feel the loss of the marriage and his part in it. He wanted me to see him having a ‘great time’ whilst he made sure through lack of contact with the kids that I couldn’t go anywhere other than work. He thought he was punishing me with all the ‘I’m loving it! I’m free! I am having the best time now I’m away from you!’ type behaviour.

I guess that’s how he had to handle himself to self soothe and of course he had everyone falling over themselves to show him a good time after his years of purgatory with his evil wife who kept him from going out (I didn’t, like I said he just didn’t want to and didn’t maintain his friendships). He got to play victim and victor at the same time and he loved it. It made him feel better and allowed him to distract himself from WHY the marriage was actually ending.

I guess all the going out for most is both opportunity and a coping mechanism with sometimes (but never always) a side order of ‘fuck you’ (or fuck anything that moves as it was in my husbands case 😂)

Yeah it all makes sense, I understand the practicalities of no longer having children at the weekend etc but then these same people get into new relationships and swap the nights out for time with the new partner, they don't tend to keep going out at the same rate, in a way it's like we use our friends when we are single and then drop them when someone new comes along. (No this hasn't happened to me either but just thinking - who would I go out with if I was single because most of my friends are in LTR and so less interested in going out).

So for some people I guess going out drinking is what fills the lonely void. And that's what I'm curious about, why as single people, or as a society we turn to these activities when we are newly single.

No I'm not newly single - long term married and no break up on the horizon but have noticed it a lot over the years when people in my circle seperate and just wondered why psychologically people lean towards that. Just one of those random rabbits holes I've gone down thinking about!