Please advise on my family party dilemma

[OutingMeself]

Name changed as this is very outing! Situation: I'm turning 70 next Spring. I'm planning a family get-together to celebrate (or commiserate) being the first of my siblings to reach Proper Old Age. I live in the back of beyond and family's scattered around the country, so my plan is to host everyone at a nice hotel near here. I'd be paying for dinner and the rooms.

If everyone comes, it will be 20 adults and cost around £3,000.

The first part of my problem is that I'm a State pensioner and this will be all the money I've been saving for things I need at home - appliances and furniture. It'll leave me with nothing, I'll have to start saving again from scratch.

The second part is that one of my sisters has ghosted me. I don't feel I should invite her - she's likely to accept and then blank me on the night. But she has adult DC that I haven't seen for years now. I don't know whether to ask them (and their partners, kids). If they came, it could rekindle the cousin relationships amongst their generation, and I'd like to catch up with them. But even asking them will, I suspect, aggravate the tensions with my sister.

I like to think everyone would come, everyone would be lovely, and I'd have a big happy memory to see me through the next year of determined saving for boring but necessary stuff. The reality is there's likely to be tension - and should I be investing everything in a party at all? There's no sensible alternative due to distances, I have to either host guests for the night or abandon the idea altogether.

And if you have it nearer London, then those who are travelling might be able to stay with family too.

I really don’t think you need to pay for people’s accommodation. We have family parties like this every now and again and many people need to travel and they sort their own accommodation. Obv it depends on people’s finances and we are lucky in that most can afford it and I think people sub the ones who might find it harder.

Booking out a youth hostel might be cheaper and can work really well ' friends have just done it for a wedding. YHA offers sole use bookings for lots of their hostels.

You're all brilliant. Thank you so much!

I still don't know what I'm going to do - but it is NOT going to be a desperate effort to recreate the Waltons 😂 in a complicated & expensive world. (Thanks for that, @Havalona!)

I'd locked on to this one idea so hard, I wasn't seeing that there are choices ...

... including that I could just piss off to the Canaries or somewhere and pretend I'm not 70. I probably won't do that, but it's quite freeing to be reminded that I could.

Have a party, everyone over to yours and designate younger family to muck in with setting up and doing food/drinks or hire out a function room. Do not pay for people’s accommodation. I’ve been to many a big family party in the arse end of nowhere. We all just sorted out Airbnbs or stayed with friends or family or in the summer, camping! I would feel really uncomfortable with someone getting me a hotel room and I’d like to choose my own anyway.

Personally though, I wouldn’t spend loads of money inviting family you aren’t close to. We are in that younger generation of far flung cousins. We stay in touch with the ones we want to, and no party would reignite relationships with the ones we don’t.

I’d spend your money on your home or a lovely holiday instead.

I agree with the you pay for the meal and everyone pays for their own accommodation suggestion.

Don’t have a party you can’t afford and certainly don’t waste all your money on people you speak to, a time will come and you will need your money.

Just host a meal, and people fund their own night wherever they choose?

Buffet lunch at a pub. Then people could travel there for lunch, then go home?

@OutingMeself Good that you are thinking about it a bit more now. I really hope I didn't upset or offend you with the Waltons reference.😥

Hah, no! You were spot on.

A lunch may be better than a dinner so people can choose to travel home after if they wish rather than pay for a hotel? Then also less expectation you'd also cover accommodation (which it definitely sounds like you can't afford to do).

I can't vote for any of your options.

You'd be barmy to pay for all of that, given your financial circumstances, but I don't think that means you shouldn't have a party.

Have the party and send people the link to the pub / hotel you recommend or any other B'n'Bs or Travellodges locally if you want to, or let them work that part out for themselves - it isn't difficult now everyone has the internet.

If you want to make it easier then potentially make it a lunch rather than evening party and that gives people more options.

Lunch in London actually sounds like a good idea. If lots are in easy reach they can do it in a day and others might stay overnight and make a trip out of it.

Don't offer to pay for people's rooms though.

I would be absolutely mortified and horrified when I found out an elderly relative (actually any relative) had used their life savings to pay for my weekend away. I'd be so upset.

Please don't spend all your savings and don't bother with the estranged sister's children: they are adults and could have contacted you, but chose not too. By all means make contact and try to build a relationship but not with a view to inviting and paying for them.

My MIL hired a large cottage for her 70th, she invited very close family only and had a wonderful time. Everyone took it in turns to cook each night and she had her loving family around her. It cost £1000 or just over, and was so enjoyable.
Everyone invited bought the food and she decorated the table with her favourite flowers and colours. We had themed nights celebrating her life! I say do it, but keep the guest list simple, and don’t spend too much!

This. Let people get their own accommodation