I am unsure what to do here, as there is always two sides and I can't say I am perfect. So I am sure I'll get some serious roasting here but....
I was the first person in what was a pretty tight group to have kids. They are now almost 6 and 3.5 years old.
The group is pretty hard partying - not the country walks and pub kind. Festivals, raves etc... I obviously knew that but when pregnant I assumed my friends are my friends and we'd remain so.
Only one other person has gone on to have a kid in the group, so it is still a pretty family unfriendly bunch. After trying pretty hard during my first maternity to do more things like lunches etc... to accommodate my new situation, we (husband and I) accepted the situation. Things changed for us and we've moved with that. Our eldest has development challenges, so we frankly had other things to worry about.
Despite this, I have remained in the group. I didn't want to be the person who dropped non-parent friends and I do in fact like the women - we've been bridesmaids for each other etc. I am clearly on the periphery though and can't always be around / go to events / participate.
Anyway, the group is starting to slow down as we're reaching 40 / some are well into their 40's. There are quiet dinners and stuff.
This is a lot of context to an argument that has been sparked today. We discussed having an Xmas lunch, agreed a date and it got to the point of whether it would just be the girls or are the families invited. The other mother in the group said she'd like it is it were all of us though she would equally love to have some non-mummy time. I said, it would be great to have a lunch and then maybe later in the afternoon the guys could leave and we could have a few girls-only cocktails - a best of both worlds.
Someone stepped in and said that was mean, and her boyfriend might be upset to not be included in the whole thing. That to suggest forcing him away is selfish.
I fired back that my husband (and I) have been excluded from lots of events since having kids and that the one time we can fully participate is a lunch. It was definitely reactionary but FFS, your 42 year old boyfriend would be upset that you were ending the afternoon with some female friends and he had to go off and do his own thing.
It has escalated and now I am being accused of acting like having children makes me more important than those without kids.
I am sensitive to the fact that there may be things going on behind the scenes which has made her upset. But, I don't think I should just bow out and apologise. I think it is selfish of her to expect to exclude my family for the sake of her boyfriend.
I think I harbour some resentment about the way I have been treated - I was always praised for being so low maintenance and have tried to keep that going, I suppose. I accept that we might be in this situation because I haven't said anything before and can't really start throwing my toys out of the pram. But, nothing changes unless you say something.
IDK tbh. My youngest has an ear infection and hasn't slept well for 3 days (which means I also haven't slept) so I can barely type let alone make a good decision. So, someone else tell me what I should do next.