12 year old struggling to sleep once a week after busy day

[KleinWien]

Struggled to think of succinct title! Bit of backstory first - skip to second paragraph for the actual issue.

DS is just 12; he started secondary in September and all seems to be going well. He went through a couple of weeks of really struggling to sleep, just could not drop off. Had a lot of open chats with him (surprising how much is revealed at 1am when desperate to sleep) but really nothing was wrong, it was just a big adjustment worrying about homework, lack of free time etc. Anyway it all settled down and back to normal now except:

DS does various after school clubs, sports etc - all his own choice. Once a week it works out that on the same day he has PE at school, swimming lesson after school and then scouts in the evening. He is exhausted but that day he really struggles to get to sleep. Not unusual for him to turn up in our room at 11pm or later upset because he wants to get to sleep. Scouts finishes at 9:15 so by the time he gets home it's already 9:30 and he reads in bed for a short while before turning in.

I said to him that it's just too much, we can't change which day PE is so he needs to give up (or just switch to another day!) either swimming or scouts but he got very distressed and tearful at the idea (no doubt not helped by how exhausted he was, I will discuss again on the weekend). He loves both things and doesn't want to change to a different session because he has made friends.

Any ideas/advice? I wonder if there is a short relaxation-type routine that would help? He doesn't have any screens that day anyway because he is too busy so it's not that. He eats well and healthily enough. He sleeps fine on other days (now) but I hate seeing him so distressed and of course then he is tired for school the next day - would you insist on dropping an activity??

EXACTLY the same here with a Scouts 9:15 finish. I've said to DS that I'm happy to give it until Easter and see if we (he) settles into a better routine with it. At the moment, it's not fun for anyone, knowing how tired he is going to be. But his period of adjustment may well be longer than a few weeks...

So, no real advice other than time might help...

We had a similar situation with our son, although he is a bit younger. It was causing him real anxiety not being able to sleep, which obviously made him even less likely to fall asleep, so we got stuck in a bit of a vicious cycle! We contemplated dropping one of his clubs on that day to make it easier but in the end it just sort of worked itself out once he adjusted to the routine of it. It probably took about 5/6 weeks but now he gets to sleep no problem on these days and the anxiety about it has eased.

What type of swimming lesson? One that can be moved or a more advanced class / rookies only on one night a week?

I'd get him home, showered, light supper and in bed and with a weighted blanket from kudd.ly a 6kg one is more than heavy enough or possibly a lighter one if you can find it as it should be 10% of his weight.

I used to struggle to get to sleep at different times as a kid and definitely worrying that you can't sleep is a vicious cycle for then struggling more. I remember my mum once telling me that it was okay if I couldn't get to sleep, and that just lying quietly in bed reading was still resting my body, and that was helping in the same sort of way as sleep does. Not entirely true, I appreciate, but at the time I very much took that to heart and it removed some of the worry I had. If I couldn't sleep straight away I didn't stress, I'd just think okay I'll lie quietly and read for another 15 mins and see how I get on, that's still resting my body. And being more chill about it helped me to get to sleep in the end.

Listening to a relaxing audiobook or podcast might also help? Because you can do that lying quietly in the dark, and more likely to fall asleep part way through. There are dozens and dozens of 'sleepcasts' and things these days. I tend to have youtube asmr videos on, but that isn't the best habit because of the bright screen...

So actually this combo of clubs isn't new - it's like this for over a year, and at primary it was also PE that day. He was a bit tired, sure, but never really struggled to sleep. The thing only thing that's actually changed seems to be secondary.

Re swimming: just big standard lessons really, could easily change to another day (but he doesn't want to) or drop them since he is a good enough swimmer and able to swim several lengths in any stroke (but he doesn't want to).

He eats after swimming, before scouts, so no need to worry about that when he gets home. He eats well (around 6:30pm) and isn't hungry after scouts at 9:30. He showers properly after swimming so just needs to go straight to bed after scouts which he is happy to do.

I too say 'just close your eyes and rest, it's ok if you don't sleep' and this has worked in the past when anxious about staying away from home and similar, but doesn't work here. He is so desperate to sleep!

Oh and I've told him if he wants to switch the light on and read for a while longer then he can, if he wants some quiet music in the dark that's ok etc.

Haven't tried a 'sleep cast' but he does have a basic Alexa in his room so could try this.

This looks pretty good for Alexa https://www.amazon.co.uk/Voice-Apps-LLC-Relaxation-Sounds/dp/B06XBXR97N

I wonder if he needs a new routine (he has never previously been a child who needed a strong bedtime routine but maybe that's changed). I might propose something like: read for half an hour and then 10/15mins of listening to 'relaxing' sounds on Alexa whilst doing a breathing exercise?

Is he drinking any monster/red bull type drinks? Even just a swig of someone else's could prevent him sleeping, they're so high in caffeine.

My 8 year likes to listening to the guided mindfulness for sleeping. He’s normally asleep within 10 mins. I listen to them as well when I struggle to sleep. I find it better than just the noise as it gives you instructions. Loads on
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