Need a vent- my 8 y/o broke his collarbone at school and no-one noticed

[Dustyblue]

DS got into a scrap playing football with another kid. They seem to be 'frenemies' in that sometimes they play well together and sometimes they fight.

At pickup the teacher explained he'd been in a scuffle and he might have hurt his shoulder. Might? He's freaking collarbone was broken! He seemed to be in shock which I guessed might have stopped him complaining of the pain.

He's resting up now and doing ok. We spoke to the teacher & principal this morning and expressed that we really should've been called at lunchtime when it happened.

I get that they have a lot of kids to be looking out for but am so annoyed he was left in pain for that long.

Thanks for the vent!

But he wasn't complaining of pain?

Teachers aren’t psychic. If he was hurt he should’ve spoken up.

He didn’t complain of pain. Maybe this will stop him fighting with this other boy.

I think that's awful. Not necessarily from the teacher who has far too many kids to look after. But overall, just that this is the situation in our schools these days.

I agree this should be a lesson in not fighting with anyone.

And yes, they're not psychic. He was in shock so didn't say anything.

These things happen I guess.

This. Why do you seem to think that his fighting is acceptable OP? ‘Frenemies’ or not he should know better.

He has ODD and sees a play therapist, so it's a work in progress.

Fighting isn't acceptable and he's been told this needs to stop. We're trying.

Friends son went through a week of camp with a broken arm but no one noticed. He didn’t tell anyone either.

It happens. Yes, have a word but, well, kids can do this to you.

I broke my own arm once and got to A&E just before all the mums coming home from work picked up their kids from sports training. There was a procession coming through the doors.

Collarbones break when landing heavily on your side. Not uncommon from falling off a pony or a diving save in football. I'm more impressed that their school had them playing outside yesterday in such foul weather.

Teachers don't have x-ray eyes no matter how useful they would be. I hope he's feeling better soon.

Blimey, a week with a broken arm!

I've never broken a bone so perhaps I'm overestimating how much pain it causes. And the shock must've numbed it somewhat.

Sorry should've said we're in Australia so no foul weather here😀

My youngest kid has broken 2 bones, the first one he walked on it for a week before we found it was broken, the second one he thought was fine but I thought his arm was a funny shape lol so we had xrays.
Me on the other hand, bloody hurt when I broke a bone.

Just reassure him that if he thinks he's hurt or sick, he IS allowed to go to sick bay. Some of the office/sick bay ladies are a bit mean, so I've really had to tell my kids IT IS OK TO GO. I tell them that they can go, and ask to call mum. Then whenever I get the call, I have always asked for them to give the phone to my child so I can speak to them directly. Then I can usually tell from the tone of their voice what we need to do.

@wandawaves Thanks, that's good advice

It can be really hard to tell how injured a child is as their reaction isn't always what you'r expect.

One of my DDs had a broken arm for several days and it only became obvious when we all went swimming and she complained of discomfort after diving in several times. She has an incredibly high pain threshold which we only really discovered with the broken arm as she barely flinched when Drs and radiologists were moving it around

Whereas her twin has no pain threshold and you have to calm yourself not to overreact to her reactions. As I discovered when she was 5 and I rushed her to walk in as she was screaming so badly I thought she had a badly broken finger. Her nail was broken. Far enough down to her, but nothing like how she was reacting.

One of my DS's sleeps when he's in pain. When he was a child you had to be super cautious if he was hurt as he'd just want to nap and wouldn't actually complain about pain.

If your DS didn't don't complain then how could they know?

True, he wasn't complaining so they couldn't have known.

I've no ill-will towards the staff. Just feel bad for him. I guess as his Mum I could tell immediately that something wasn't right. He couldn't move his arm for starters.

They did put an ice pack on it for a while so it's not as though they were oblivious.

Thanks for all the anecdotes.

My daughter fell when with her grandparents who wrapped her in cotton wool, shedidnt say it was sore until the next day (I was nightshift) and she said she couldn't move her arm as normal, yup fractured collar bone.

It's not as obvious as many fractured

I think the “she’ll be right” attitude can go a bit far sometimes (also in Aus). DS had a PE teacher pull his clearly dislocated finger back in place so he could continue playing rugby one time. DS needed two rounds of surgery for that one and was most bemused that I was a bit pissed off with the teacher. Hope your son recovers quickly.

I think you’re feeling normal mum distress at the idea that your child was in some amount of pain for longer than strictly necessary. Anger at other adults tends to be the easiest, most reassuring way to channel that sort of upset feeling.

But as I think you’ve realized, the school didn’t do anything wrong here. Relying on an 8 year old to alert them to something being wrong with his body is totally normal - they’re not going to do an in-depth exam on a child that age if they say they’re fine. Go hug your son, coddle him a bit, and later on you can remind him that he should tell a teacher or the nurse if he’s hurting, or ask to call you.

Kids can be great at masking injuries. It wouldn’t surprise me if your DS didn’t want to say something because the injury happened when he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to, and somehow his kid brain decided “When I get in trouble for fighting adults say fighting is bad because someone could get hurt… so I could be in more trouble if I say I’m hurt.” That’s pretty standard (if baffling) 8 year-old logic.

My DS broke his collar bone right in front of myself/DH and grandparents when he was messing about and fell from a chair.

It took 8 hours for us to realise there was something seriously wrong that wasn't getting better and get him to A&E.

We all felt bloody awful.

The issue was it hurt after the accident but he was protecting himself by restricting movement so it wasn't evident until he was in huge pain trying to do normal things like put on pj's - we just thought he'd badly bruised himself.

He didn't say his bad it felt as he thought it was his fault for messing about.

So advice is to not go into overdrive about this with the school. It's a good and constructive conversation you can have with your child (as we did) about not hiding when you are hurt due to embarrassment/fear. That we will help no matter what. No exceptions.

It's an important lesson, especially when "hurt" these days can be more than a broken bone that will mend. Just look at the number of children who have taken their own lives as a result of sex-extortion. Duped into taking personal photos. Fear of family and friends finding out.

Sorry to take a dark turn - but maybe consider this is a good opportunity to talk to your son about the importance of not letting shame/embarrassment overcome the will to ask for help and support and that you will provide it unconditionally.

My son broke his collarbone when he was 2. I thought he’d just bruised it. I took him to the dr and the doctor said pulled muscle or something and said physio. Then as an afterthought he said better get an X-ray - I don’t think it’s broken but just check. So they are easy to miss I think. And not any treatment really either. Try to get him to not use it.

Not a new phenomenon exactly same scenario happened to my sister who is now mud 40s. Remember my mum being slightly 🙄 that it wasn’t picked up on too.

To be fair to the teachers both mine have broken various bones playing sport and it’s not always clear how serious the injury is - we have left it a day or two before realising that actually maybe it’s not just a sprain and an xray is needed then it turns out to be broken.

Thanks again everyone. I was just having a mother-moment of stressiness.

A friend said to me today "So are you going to sue the school?" He was joking, of course that would be ridiculous.

He actually doesn't seem to be in that much pain. Amazing how tough they are!

He's now angling for a few weeks off school. Ah, no son, you can go back next week. He had an Occupational Therapy session scheduled for today (he has various issues due to a genetic condition, not really relevant to bones) which I cancelled. But think he can mainly go back to 'normal life' next week with a sling.

The sling is already filthy, will have to wash it whilst keeping his arm still I guess?

Thanks again for all the stories, I appreciate it.

@Dustyblue yeah, that would be about right.

I broke my collarbone aged 10 on a Tuesday (after school, I might point out) and was back to school on the following Monday. I sprained my ankle, too, so I suppose it was another week or so before I started riding the bike to school again.

I broke my wrist at primary school - was giving a friend a piggyback and slipped on ice. I broke my friend's fall. Our combined weight broke my right wrist. (Only a greenstick fracture, so I guess that's why I was able to keep writing.)

I told my pal not to tell the teacher - didn't want to get into trouble for giving a piggyback in icy weather, I seem to recall. I think I was 8 at the time.

I told my mum when I got home. She dismissed it as a sprain...but took me to the GP the next morning when I was still complaining.

Not the teacher's fault and not my mum's fault - after all, I'd lasted all day at school.

You'll be able to buy a replacement sling in a decent size pharmacy or online, or use a triangular bandage just for the time you are washing it.

Or just take it off and support his arm with pillow while he's sitting on the sofa.

He needs to keep gentle circling his wrist and bending and straightening his fingers to stop his losing any range of movement while the arm is immobilised.