Is this ‘friend’ taking the piss?

[MogandtheFox]

We have a garden shed converted into a bit of a man cave which includes a beer/lemonade fridge.
When my ds has friends round I put out nibbles and tell them to help themselves. Luckily they are a sensible bunch, don’t drink alcohol or leave a mess and as they are school kids I don’t expect them to bring anything.
My DH has also had lots of different friends round, most bring a pack of beer and leave any they haven’t drunk themselves ‘for the host’.
Now I get onto my question. There is one friend who comes round once a week empty handed. He drinks a couple of cans from our fridge then goes home.
Do most people agree with me that this is a piss take or am I not being a good host?

If I invite people round I feed and water them.

If they want to bring something that’s lovely, but no biggie if they don’t.

As a one off fine, but every week is taking the piss

Sounds like a taker unless he hosts your family in return?

This would annoy me! I wouldn't say anything though.

If I invite people round I would never expect them to bring their own drinks

You have said people come weekly and leave their leftovers for you which in itself is also a bit eye raising!

You ought to encourage people to take their drinks home as afterall you are not hosting them at all! Infact they are propping your alcohol stock up which your other guest is probably drinking knowing you haven’t bought it

No never invited my DH back, but then he doesn’t have a similar man cave.

It is obviously different if they I invite people into our house. That said I would never turn up empty handed if invited to someone else’s.

Piss take. He should bring some replacements and that the thought hasn't occurred to him shows he's a CF!

I couldn’t get worked up about this. Not sure if I understood the post properly - is this your DH’s friend and they head out to this “man cave” without you? Or is it a mutual friend and you all have a drink together? From your description it sounds like the former but then I’m not sure why you’re concerned about whether you’re a good host, surely just leave it to your DH to worry about who brings drinks?

Hide the alcohol in the house and just have pop in the man cave when he comes round - he will soon stop.

A couple of beers a week wouldn't bother me but if it's that important to you just text him 'Can you pick up some beer on the way over, we're running low, ta'.

Job done.

Cheeky fuckery

Its only a few cans dont be a mingebag

I’m surprised your DH hasn’t said anything! Is there a group of them who all meet together and he this one doesn’t bring something but the others do? Or is it single mates that come round around?

It's really hard to get worked up over a few cans of lager. And as it is your DH "man" friends, let him deal with it. I bet he doesn't care and enjoys the company.

You need a lady room and should butt out.

It doesn’t bother me enough to say anything I just idly wondered whether it was just me iyswim. If I cared I would stop stocking the fridge and recycling the empties.

From what you said the beer hasn't even been bought by you so think your just nit picking

Not sure what you mean here - do you mean you think it’s different inviting people round to your house, vs inviting people to the “man cave”? I can’t see why it would be?

No you and your DH are the CF's expecting guests to bring their own drinks and then leave whatever they don't drink in the mancave.
So this friend who isn't being anything probably isn't even drinking anything you've brought!

Not everyone can afford to provide all the alcohol when hosting friends. In some circles (mine) it’s customary for the host to have a bottle or two in and guests to also bring a bottle. (They can take it home if unused if they want to, but most see it as either a contribution to the evening or a gift for the host.).

I don’t expect non-drinkers to bring their own and will provide soft drinks for them and those who don’t all evening.

But I agree with OP, someone turning up every week expecting free beer is a freeloader. It adds up over the month but it’s the expectation of being bought drinks week in and week out that irks me, especially as they can see everyone else is contributing. People say it’s only a couple of beers, don’t be mean - but that could be said to the weekly guest who expects to be the only one having free beer.

Thankfully the friends who leave extra are balancing out the bloke who isn't bringing his own drinks. I think it's a bit weird to be bothered about a couple of cans a week.

Other people leave behind beers, he drinks a couple of them.

You can't really take with one hand and refuse to give on the other. It's all very petty. Sure, he should bring something, but does it actually matter?

Is this bloke generally not generous?

Does he show tightnes in other way?

Couple of tins of beer wouldn't bother me. But if he was generally and noticeably tight in other ways (like never buying a round when in pub etc), then I wouldn't invite him over for dinner or anything.

The family as a whole are very tight. They regularly get lifts but never give them for example.
As I said I am not bothered enough to do anything about it I just wondered if it was just me or if others would feel used.

Then don't give them lifts.

I mean, I suppose eventually it would grate after the 10th visit that he was clearly coming over for the free beer.

But then people like this get away with it because abuse nobody calls them out.

As a pp suggested, next time he comes over, ask him to pick up some beers on the way and you're running short. And don't leave out stuff for him.