Ds is autistic and has depression. He's currently at a nearby university, but we're not sure if he's coping. We give support and are on hand if he needs anything.
He doesn't seem to like me and dh and is very contemptuous towards us, particularly me. We've given him a lot of support and guidance over the years as well as private psychiatric consultations and online schooling. He's never been neglected or abused by us and we're warm, supportive and try to remain cheerful in spite of his hostility. He's very manipulative and doesn't have proper adult conversations when we try to talk with him. He's aloof and very curt when he does speak. He complains that he has no friends, but he discards people for the tiniest reasons and seems intolerant of others. He complains about anything and everything and blames us for all his woes. He's evasive and withholds information. He refuses to see the GP to have his meds switched - He's been on them for years and it's apparent they're not relieving his depression. He threatens self harm if we try to hold him to account for the way he treats us. He won't see a therapist either even though we've offered to pay.
I'm autistic and managed to recover from major depression a few years ago, but it's returned because of being unable to cope with ds. Dh has never held him to account when he was young and always took his side when I tried to actively parent him.
We don't know what to do if he quits uni - he won't tell us if he's going to do this - he has nowhere else to live, has never worked, refused to learn how to drive etc. On one hand he's actively awful to deal with, but we can see that he's still vulnerable and obviously needs a roof over his head.
Does anyone have any advice regarding this situation? How do we tell how much is depression, how much is autism and how much he's just pulling our chain? (in light of his manipulation) Dh is getting older, as am I and we both have health concerns. I'm worried that this finishes us off due to the constant stress and worry. We've informed the uni mental health people of his difficulties.
Can anybody offer any hope or advice?