How to shift night owl DS (10) to be more of a morning person?

[Nightowltomorningperson]

DS (10) is a natural night owl and it is making his life really hard!

He goes to bed at 8:30pm, he reads, then thinks, then tries to drag me into conversations (typically really interesting ones that I wish he’d have hours earlier) and eventually falls asleep at about 10pm. He has to be up for school at 8am at the latest and really struggles to get up.

This morning he was a mess! (He sleeps in until 9am on the weekends.) Eventually shook him out of bed at 8:30, he was crying and groggy etc.

Help! How do I get him to be more of a morning person?

We have all the things in place like an evening routine and also no eating after a certain point (7pm).

He has no access to screens in the evening outside of TV, which he is only allowed an hour of and watches at 4-5.

Any suggestions very needed! I can only see it getting harder as he heads into his teen years.

morning sunrise lamp, set to wake him up earlier but also gives the sunlight boost helps reset circadian rhythms. I always find that turning lights low in the early eve helps as well.

I also find a weighted blanket helps get DS off to sleep a bit earlier.

Same for DD2 similar age.

I can’t offer advice sadly, I am also a night owl and nothing has changed that despite years of early waking kids etc.

Exercise helps somewhat and - unfortunately- waking him earlier on the weekends may help with the Monday morning issue as he’s probably staying up extra late on Sundays due to the lay ins.

I was a night owl from a lot younger age than your son. I tried all sorts but never found anything that worked. Some people are just never going to be morning people, sorry

Could he be overtired? I find with DS2 now 12 but been like this forever there is a window where he’s tired enough to go to bed nice and relaxed read for 10 mins then go to sleep but if you miss it he’s hyper and takes ages to go to sleep, up and down wanting to chat etc.

Or alternatively is he oversleeping or staying up late at weekends? We don’t really DS stay up much later than normal (except special occasions) at weekends and as a result normally gets up around about his usual time on weekends or will maybe have an extra 1/2 hour or so unless he’s ill. He just seems to do better sticking to routine.

Wake him at 7am . Then by 8 he should be more awake . If he is asleep by 10pm and sleeping through then he is getting enough sleep .
Maybe check his vitamin levels at gp

I don’t think you can I think the best hope is that as he gets older he will need less sleep or cope better . I’m a night owl but happily manage on 4 hours sleep .

You can’t- just make sure he becomes a lawyer and not a currency trader 🤣. But agree waking him early. DS is going through the teenage “can’t get up before midday” stage but if he has to get up it’s better to give him time to come round than leave as long as possible, even though it seems counterintuitive.

I don't think you can. I am 70 and have always been a night owl. My natural pattern is to sleep from 2am until 9 or 10am. That was fine when I was at university and again now I have retired, but was difficult during my working life of 40+ years. Going to bed early didn't help as I couldn't get to sleep . I just had to try to be in bed by midnight and read for a bit to help me nod off. I am so not a morning person!

We had three of those. Just the way they are.

It's interesting that you think you should try to shift him away from his natural body clock. Good luck with that...

I'm 56 and still a night owl.

Not much help to you, I know, but realistically this isn't something you can change as it's fundamental to how he exists in the world.

Exercise before bed?

3 night owls, including me, in my family. We can’t change. I would love to have a 2-3am bedtime and 9-10am routine but it doesn’t work for commitments.

I would be waking him at 7 so he's got time to wake up properly and not rushing in the morning. Maybe shift the bedtime routine by half an hour - so bed and reading at 8, lights out and no chatting or conversation at 9. Hopefully having an earlier start in the morning will mean he's a bit more tired at bedtime.

You can't make a night owl into a lark any more than can the reverse. Rather than trying to do that, focus on ways to make waking up a bit less painful.
I've got a sunrise alarm clock that helps. I have never once 'woken naturally by the increased light' - that is for larks I think! - but the room being light when the first of my alarms starts shouting at me helps more than it being dark. The alarm has to be out of arm's reach from my bed so I have to get up to turn off and I also have several phone alarms.

Agree, you can't! I'm exactly the same as you, been the same all my life but always managed to work (and go to school as used to read for hours undercover) on 4 hours sleep then catch up on days off. Now retired 2.00am is my 'normal'

We're a house of night owls. I'm lucky in a way, because I don't need a lot of sleep. I can sleep at 3 and wake at 6 feeling fine. Although lately I've been feeling rough, but that's other issues.

For DS (DD is only 4 1/2, so she's not too bad yet) who is the same, I just do what my dad did for me. I tell him when he should be sleeping. And I let him know what time he needs to get up, and that if he can't wake up it's not going to change the plans. He still has to go but he'll just be tired.

He's really good now at regulating himself. Some nights he'll stay up longer reading and be tired in the morning. That night he goes to sleep earlier and catches up. He doesn't suffer from tiredness in any way, his school work is brilliant, plenty of energy, healthy and eats well. Of a weekend I let him sleep in a lot longer. As do I - DH and I take turns on Saturday/Sunday to get up with the animals.

You can't change it. What you can do is reinforce boundaries and teach him to be self aware. He'll get there. But you can't force someone's sleep needs to change.

Ten hours sleep seems like loads to me - has he had his vitamin levels checked if he's struggling to the point of tears?

I did about a year ago, because I got worried it might be that too. They were all fine! I even took him to see a nutritionist because I worried it might be food or something. All fine still…

Although he dislikes the taste of most vitamins, I do manage to get a multi in him about once every two days!

This is all very interesting too about how I can’t really shift him! He was such a mess yesterday that I thought it was worth researching to see if I could try and help him shift his body clock a bit!

I wonder if he doesn’t get good quality sleep. We actually have a gravity blanket (as a PP suggested one), it’s mine but I don’t use it anymore. I will get it out and try it on DS!

I'm like you!!
I think I'd have coped better in these days of flexi working, but I've spent most of my life feeling tired!

Apologies OP.
Re not eating after 7 pm, I personally think a hot milky drink/bowl of porridge before going to sleep can help make one nod off ( something in the milk)

Or a spoonful of baby calpol ( or one sachet of the stuff suitable for 3month babies) can sometimes work as a "placebo " effect. My DD used to believe that it would make her go to sleep, so she relaxed and did it naturally

Only occasionally though

Same here. I have owl DNA and so does DD. We’ll sometimes have a nap if necessary in the afternoon (probably a couple of times a month) but otherwise we tolerate the bits of life that are designed for larks and get on with enjoying the nights.

(It gets worse during the teen years - no deal why schools still insist on early starts when it’s been proven teenage brains don’t flourish that way. 🤷🏻‍♀️)