How have you forgiven people, if you have?
Someone was extremely cruel to me 13 years ago. Their actions resulted in a lot of loss in my life.
It was my cousin. She was on my dad's side.
My parents divorced and I lived with my mum
I had been very close to my grandmother on my dad's side before the divorce.
After a while, my dad stopped speaking to me for whatever reason. He moved on with another woman. He also didn't pay us maintenece so we were extremely poor.
I constantly thought about him and my grandmother. I had been very close to that grandmother.They lived in a different country to me. But they stopped answering my letters and I didn't know what was going on.
One time I went over to see them. I was so nervous. I went over by myself and it was very intimidating. I saw my cousin over there first. (She was my dads brothers daughter). She was very cruel to me.
She said some very cruel things to me . She aid something to me that I have never forgotten.
Instead of her saying that my dad was wrong to cut me off.
She told me it was my fault it happened because I had been a bad child. That my family had wanted nothing to do with me and she upset people by even talking to me. She blamed me. I had been a child when my dad cut me off, yet she told me it was my fault.
I managed to see my grandmother on this occasion, who was very old. And my grandmother was kind to me on that occasion.
But my cousin shouted at me until I cried. And the trip was ruined because of my cousin.
After I went home, my cousin sent me a further message saying that the family wanted nothing to do with me. After I got that message, I was too afraid to go over again, and I never saw my grandmother ever again. Both of my mums parents were dead before I was born. So that was my only grandmother
Much later I can see that she was cruel because she didn't want what happened to me, to happen to her.
So for example if a man abandons his child , the man's niece won't talk to that child, because she is afraid that she will also be shunned by the family if she does.
So she also becomes abusive and turns against the child and becomes severely cruel. Even though the child has done nothing wrong.
It just really hurts me all these years later. I get so upset thinking how could she blame me, I was an innocent child.
It absolutely kills me. I was abandoned and i got blamed for it.
And I think that my cousin being so cruel also made me scared to go over again, and I never saw my granny again. And that was a huge loss. So i think that she made me lose my connection with my only grandmother.I didn't deserve any of it.
This has really badly affected my life. I've had therapy and I still haven't gotten over it.
My cousin was really cruel, but it is me not getting over it , that is hurting me every day now. I just want to heal from the past and move forward.
How did you heal from someone that was really cruel to you please?