Today, I sent an email to my boss...

[Stressedoutteach]

Basically there was a massive fall out at work on Friday, with me being accused by the deputy of not following policy and all sorts, I was spoken to harshly over things that were not my fault. Basically, the deputy has not communicated things has changed and was having a go at me for carrying on like normal.

So today I sent my boss an email explaining why the Deputy is wrong and outlined all the things that she had said to do in the past and making it clear that I didn't know this had been changed. I said how it made me feel.

I feel sick to my stomach. I've had some sort of nervous breakdown over this and I'm dreading what comes next.

Seeing GP tomorrow and will contact the union. I'm terrified.

Sorry, no point to this thread, just wanted to tell someone.

So sorry I have posted this on the wrong chat!

That sounds really stressful. How bad is the situation? You are right to visit your GP if you are feeling the way you do. Do you have people you can talk to in real life as well?

I know it feels immense right now but I think this will be far less grief than you are expecting.

I used to work for an awful man and the anxiety he used to give me was ridiculous. I emailed his boss with my thoughts, feelings and that I wanted to leave late on a Friday and then stewed over it all weekend with knots in my stomach. It all turned out fine and I am sure it will for you too

If you report it, you can ask for it to be removed. In the meantime, you can edit it.

If you know you have done nothing wrong and you have evidence to support this, then make sure your union know all the facts and give them emails, etc. In the meantime you're doing the right thing by seeing your GP. They can give you a sick/fit note for 'work-related stress'. Time away from work will give you time to breathe and regain your composure. Be guided by your Union as to the next steps and ensure you have a copy of your employer's 'grievance' procedure. It's horrible, but with your union's support and your GP too, you will get through this.

I do this all the the time!

OP well done for voicing your thoughts. Regarding feeling super stressed...I would be the same but the way I try to see this sort of thing is that this could have literally happened to anyone. If it wasn't you in that chair, it would be the next person... It sounds like something had to be said or done.

You have done the right thing. You've set out the situation, and explained why you genuinely believe you are not in the wrong, and that you are being accused of things that weren't your fault.

Try and spend some time writing yourself some notes, with as much detail as possible, about what happened. Who said what. For example you say you were spoken to harshly, but what does that mean, did they shout at you? Was it specific words that you felt were harsh? Write down anything that happened in the lead up to Fri etc. If you have access to your work email account, copy and paste any relevant emails into the notes. Try and do a mind dump, and then go through and put it in chronological order.

This would be my advice to you if I was your union rep.

It's hard to do when you are so upset, but important to try and do when it is fresh in your mind.

And... don't delete it. You may well find yourself adding to it in the future if things reoccur.

Thank you all. My boss was actually there for some of this incident and I don't think she realised that Deputy has actually really messed up and it's not my fault.

Unfortunately they are very close friends so Im sure this will all backfire on me.

By spoken to harshly, I mean that fine of voice when someone is cross. Not shouting, but as if you were telling a child they'd done something naughty. That authoritative, stern voice. Do you know what I mean? When actually, we're two adults talking about something, I just don't feel that type of voice needs to be used!

There have been a few little incidents with this deputy ( and the boss, actually) that I've been keeping records of and have spoken to our wellbeing governor a few times about it.

I actually only joined the union earlier this year. I kept thinking, surely nothing worse will happen, it can't get worse. And it has. And. So glad I joined the union, as obviously they don't help with things from before you joined.

I've actually turned off my WhatsApp and I'm refusing to go on my email account again for today because I was sh*tting it thinking she was going to message me.

Lots of good advice for you already OP. If you get signed off work make sure your GP puts work related stress on your fit note. With work related stress your employer has an obligation to talk to you about what is causing the stress and put an action plan in place to reduce it. Your union rep should be able to advise you on procedures and support you.

Thank you. Really, that's true about work-related stress on the sick note? Even if you are only off for a week, do they still have to do that?

Your manager should have stopped the meeting when your deputy started shouting, that's really poor. How long have you worked there, it wouldn't surprise me if this was in health care. The deputy shouted because they were in the wrong and became defensive to reflect their own failing. I'd leave it, see your GP, get signed off for work related stress, speak to your union rep tomorrow who can request a meeting with your manager. Shouting at colleagues is never acceptable and if you feel the manager and deputy are in cahoots it's bullying. Like pp says, write down your version of events and let your union rep take over. Don't agree to any meeting without rep advice.

I would also call your wellbeing governors as you've spoken to them before, they are there to support you.

Yes @Stressedoutteach, they do. Here's a link to the basics.

www.acas.org.uk/managing-work-related-stress/understanding-the-law#:~:text=Carrying%20out%20risk%20assessments,regularly%20review%20the%20plan

Sorry, I wasn't clear, she didn't shout but she was speaking very abruptly, very sternly, as if I were a terribly naughty child who needed putting in her place.

Been here 5 years, it's a school.

Also yes, I'm going to message the wellbeing governor after I've spoken to the union tomorrow.

Thank you for the advice❤️

This is very very useful, thank you. There's a bit about grievance on there too which is great because my workplace doesn't have a grievance policy....

Are you at a maintained school? If so the school governing body should have adopted a grievance policy from the local authority? Also some unions in some workplaces will support non-members. They often work on the principle that you will reciprocate their support by becoming a member in the future.

I just wanted to say well done for sending that email. I know the absolute sick to the pit of your stomach feeling these situations can induce but you've absolutely done the right thing. You're obviously not someone who complains lightly, you wouldn't be putting yourself through this for no good reason.

It will all be OK though. Best of luck with the gp tomorrow.

You have done the right thing. Whether your boss comes back and sides with the deputy or not you've put it in writing. Any Comms from either of them now are in writing.

Start to pull together anything you think is relevant just in case the union wants to see it.

Thank you all for the kind comments. Actually brought a tear to my eye.

It's a local authority school but when the wellbeing governor and I last spoke, she had been trying to find the school's grievance policy herself but couldn't fit anything! So it doesn't sound like even the governors know.

Knew it would be a school. The union will back you. As others have said, get "work related stress" put on your sick note. I've been there, it's not nice.

Speak to your union rep, they should know about the grievance policy and procedure. I work representing Council workers and it may be that there is a Council policy that applies to teaching staff.

No they don’t. Gps here will tell you to self certify for the first week and then med3 after that.

OP I’m not sure going sick is going to help in this situation just yet.

You are stressed about the response to your email and possible fallout from the incident. If you go on sick leave before speaking to your manager or their boss and seeing what the reply to the email is, you will spend the entire time getting more and more stressed.

It is the uncertainty that is stressing you and the only way to take that away is to face it.