Posting here as I thought it might get more answers than the potty training board! Desperately looking for help or experiences of anyone who’s been through similar. DS is nearly 4 and we are having no success with toilet training. Have been trying using various methods for over a year on and off, with breaks in between due to trauma of each attempt. He is in pre school and although they’re nice about it I’m feeling the pressure and all too aware of school start next September to have him out of nappies.
We do think there are additional needs at play although this isn’t always obvious outside the home so I don’t feel people believe us when I try and explain the challenges and why he isn’t using the toilet yet - he has good communication, social skills etc so he presents as a typically developing 3 year old in many ways. However he does have a lot of quirky behaviours and real challenges around changes to routine, sensory. Due to that he is on the ASD pathway and should have an assessment early next year, which helps as we expected a long wait. In the meantime he has a lot of sensory challenges so we did an OT assessment and it looks like dyspraxia may be in the mix and the sensory challenges were noted.
All of this is having a likely impact on why he won’t go for being out of nappies - he’s very attached to them, obviously sees them as a comfort thing and every attempt we’ve made sees an awful cycle of withholding and constipation (he doesn’t have a great diet which doesn’t help) as soon as we try to get him on the potty and wearing pants. We’ve tried so many methods from books, rewards, bribes etc but he gets more and more upset and anxious about the whole thing as time goes on. Most recently he just throws the pants in the bin and the idea of ‘just trying to sit him on the potty’ every two hours or whatever is laughable, unless it’s on his terms - and he can do a wee on the potty - he just won’t do it and we can’t make him. I thought about just throwing the nappies away over Christmas when we’re at home, so he won’t have nappies and can just be naked if he wants, but I know he will still try and refuse to use the potty/toilet which will be awful for him and us. Last time he made himself physically sick. I just can’t do that again.
I’m really at my wits end! We could just wait longer, he has now been referred to the continence team so the school are aware of that but no idea how long we will have to wait for an appointment. In the meantime I can’t bear the feeling of judgement like we haven’t tried hard enough, but I know he’s not 4 yet and some children just later especially with additional needs. I just don’t think anyone believes that’s what’s going on!