One week postpartum and feeling like crap

[PPandhormonal]

For the first week of baby’s life me and DH have never got on better, but it seems to have gone downhill over the last 24 hours over something and nothing.

I ended up getting really wound up and arguing with a family member (over text) about visiting- they were cross and unhappy with me that we were only available from lunchtime rather than earlier in the morning and were guilt tripping me into being available, so I lost my rag. The whole situation was very stressful and I was in tears over it.

DH thinks he’s being helpful and has cancelled visitors but everything he says is very constructive rather than plain old empathy which I need most. Tried telling him this but he doesn’t understand. He just repeats ‘you need to assert yourself’, ‘you need better boundaries,’ ‘you’re the only one who can tell people what you’re comfortable with, they think you’re up for company because you’ve told them you’ve slept well so you’ll have confused them’ etc. Then it gets better. I come downstairs and it’s ’have you calmed down yet’, ‘are you feeling less irate’?

It’s all just making me feel lousy. His paternity leave will end soon and I really wanted a nice family day together. We tried to go out yesterday afternoon and it failed miserably as there were no spaces at the retail park so we had to drive round and round, meaning feeds were mistimed and we had a screaming baby. It knocked my confidence a bit so I wanted to go early for a walk at a country park this morning to guarantee less people about and a parking space.

Because of the argument with relative and subsequent one with DH we’ve not made it out the house yet. I feel like a rubbish mum for being so upset this morning in front of my baby, not that she notices but I’m sure they pick up on stress.

My husband feels distant and like he’s annoyed at me, I just don’t think he understands how vulnerable and emotional I feel right now as his answer to everything is logic.

Sitting on the sofa doom scrolling, as is he. I want to salvage the Sunday and make happy memories but I just feel so wobbly now.

My sister has been so lovely and it feels like she’s the only person who understands what I’m feeling right now. I just feel so bad. I should be enjoying this time, it’s already going so quickly. I am enjoying it most of the time but can’t help but feel flat as a pancake today :(

You've just had a baby your hormones will be all over the shop, it is totally understandable that you are having little disagreements. Lower all expectations and just cosy up in the house with your lovely baby and lovely H and just have a nice day watching films and eating delicious food.

Oh op I just want to give you a hug. It’s such very very early days, your hormones are all over the shop, you’re knackered, you’re just getting used to being a parent. You’re bound to feel upset and emotional and vulnerable. That’s just how it is. But you will start feeling better soon, I promise.

Don’t feel too doomy about the argument with DH. It sounds like he’s trying do the right things but, like you, this is all new to him too, plus he’s probably not sure how best you want to be treated right now. Don’t read too much into it in these very very early days.

if you can, just go and give him a hug, say what a pair of numpties you both are, tell him you love him and get out for a nice gentle walk and a coffee if you are able.

and very Many congratulations on your new baby.

Oh OP, I want to give you a hug too. These days are so intense and a mix of emotions, try not to hold too many expectations about making memories, you are, they just might not be quite as joyfilled as you imagined. Your baby just needs you both right now, they aren't fussed about what you do in fact they don't care at all, as long as you are with them that's enough.

You have at least 18 years with your baby to make memories. At the moment making a cup of tea is an achievement!

Just try to relax, prioritise your sleep, health and relaxation above everything else.

Tell your dh you want some sympathy when you're feeling teary. Tell him to hug and kiss you and offer to make you a cuppa (or whatever might make you feel better). That will show you he's trying at least. You are all learning and adjusting and it takes a more than a week!

Congratulations on your new baby

OP you are in the trenches. You’ll get through this, but it’s VERY early days for all of you. Be kinder to yourself.