Only children: share your happy stories, please

[Seekingchange]

Whether you are an only child yourself or you have an only, I would like to hear positive stories of happy childhood and families.
We might be one and done and face a lot of pressure from family and friends to have another one as most people seem to think DC will grow up sad and missing out on having a sibling. We just don’t want/can’t afford another one really

DS15 is an only and a very happy, sociable, well adjusted teen. He has plenty of friends, is very resilient and thriving.

We are also 99% sure we are one and done due to fertility issues and mental health and I feel exactly the same. I have so many worries about DD growing up lonely and feeling different to everyone else in her class at school.

Whilst I don't think you should have a child you don't want to have for any reason at all, my own experience of being an only child was lonely and pressured. As a result, I always knew I wouldn't have an only myself.
Now that my remaining parent is getting on in years, I am solely responsible for their care, with no siblings to share the load.
No doubt others will be along to tell you their only is very happy, because like everything else, there is a range of experiences.

I was an only child of very loving and involved parents. I never once felt I missed out on anything. I did sometimes secretly feel glad I didn’t have to put up with what I saw as the irritation and annoyance that siblings bring, although now I’m older I recognise that the way siblings interact might look like constant low level aggression but is actually much more complex in reality.

I did kind of think this but now I also think that it’s a bit like when kittens and puppies play fight.

Learning how to disagree and deal with discord is an important skill that’s much easier to learn from siblings. It’s harder to learn from other peers as a kid because you are scared they won’t be your friend anymore. It’s taken me a loooong time to realise that yes some people are just grumpy sometimes it doesn’t mean they hate you now.

Holidays and Christmas were a bit lonely. Definitely much more lonely as an adult though!

If you’re asking for positives then I guess I got more money spent on me but that’s it really. I won’t have an only child myself if I can help it.

I loved being an only child and I can't recall ever feeling lonely. I don't think I would have enjoyed having siblings. I had a wonderful childhood full of many happy memories.

I’m an only child who is now raising two siblings and bloody hell, they are absolutely brutal to each other. You can tell there is constant craving for both of them to have more attention/resources/anything than their sibling that I simply never had in my childhood.

If you have more kids, there’s no guarantee that they’ll get along. Yes, there are lovely moments, but they are interspersed with constant refereeing.

Our 14 year old is delightful. She sees her friends with their siblings and just knows how good her life is. Everything for her. Attention, treats, etc. In return she is a joy to be around. Polite, kind, everything you'd hope a child to be. Got lucky. 1 was enough and we got the right one.
Although not an only child I had an older sister who died aged 18 after a long illness. She was 9 yrs older than me but had spent years in hospital. so I was in effect on my own. I had a great childhood and I suppose I got all that love that my sister would have got if she lived. Bittersweet.

I’ve got 5 girls here tonight for a sleepover, 2 my own, and the only only child here is such a delight, she’s polite and so much better housetrained than anyone else. In part just her nature but she likes things clean and tidy and ordered, she seems a bit baffled by how chaotic the others are at times. I was giggling to myself as she got them all organised to watch a movie, shushing them all and preventing interruptions. They actually all listened to her, I think she speaks with the confidence of a child who’s not had her wishes shat all over by her siblings a million times. Obviously there are some positives to being exposed to all those challenges but she’s really brilliant and I’m sure your kid is/will be too.

My only is very content with life. We make sure she spends plenty of time with her friends and family life is relaxed and easy. Highly recommend!

I've seen that families of onlies are generally very chilled and content. I suppose not having children constantly scrambling for attention, time, money or other resources of their parents helps create that calm environment.
Also there is no guarantee that siblings would get along with each other. One should only have children if they want to, not to gift a sibling.

I was happy being an only and dd also seems very happy.

Honestly, OP, the only one who needs to be happy about having an only child is you. I made the decision to have one child because it was right for me. Fundamentally, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s perfectly possible there will be times in his life when DS would have liked a sibling, but that’s no reason for me to have a child I don’t want.

My one is currently gaming in his bedroom with his best friend. They pretty much live at each others houses. His bestie is the eldest of 3 and my son likes going there for the hustle and bustle and his friend likes to be at ours for a break from the little ones!
works well and as your only gets bigger you start to see it 😊

I wish I'd been an only (my mum does too she told me once!) I never liked having a sibling and we have never got on at any point. DS is an only and has always been grateful for it, he hated the idea of having a younger brother or sister bothering him and messing with his stuff. I've found life so calm and easy having one in comparison with friends who have 2 or more. Only having one is probably the best decision I've made in my whole life!

From the other angle, DH and I have 4 siblings between us. We don’t socialise with any of them and only see them if we happen to be visiting my parents / the in-laws at the same time as them.

Two of them have brought various complexities/ stress into our lives.

Other people need to keep out of your uterus! It’s possible your DC will be sad due to not having a sibling but you cannot have a human being to “give” them, and they will not know any different, it’s possible a sibling could be a positive, it could be a negative. Just put lots of effort into giving them opportunities to socialise with others their age.

We have an only who is now at university. He's easy going and sociable. As a child we made sure friends were welcome, he played a lot of team sport and we had a dog. He's never expressed the wish that he had a sibling. My brother had 3 DC (in 5 years) and I did not want that lifestyle.

For every worry of an only will shoulder the care of elderly parents there is another story of siblings not showing up to help.

My daughter has many family traits of shyness, introversion, and a lack of confidence. This was compounded during the pandemic when she could only socialise with her friends online.

I have always encouraged her to make friends though. Her circle is not large in number but they love my daughter very much. Encourage your child to make connections for your only child and nurture long term friendships. Don't put barriers in front of onlies to be social. Having an open door policy really helps. (When they get to their teenage years, keep the snacks stocked up!)

I’m an only and have never wished for a sibling. I know several people with siblings who don’t have a relationship with them - I remember one friend I’d worked with for several years, mentioned her brother one day and I was shocked she had one as she’d never mentioned him before. When I queried it she said “yeah, we never talk or see each other, I forget he exists myself sometimes”. There was never a big fall out they’re just completely different people. My partner had a brother he only sees a couple of times a year at duty visits to family. My mum has two brothers (my uncles) she never sees. I don’t know if it’s related to being an only but I’ve noticed I’m much better at voicing my needs and prioritising myself than a lot of people I know. And I won’t be caring for my parents either! They’ve made it clear they’d never expect that from me and I’ve made it clear it’s not something I’m willing to do.

Our only DS, was an outgoing, confident and popular boy, with a good group of friends and as an adult that hasn't changed.
Me and DH both came from large families, so we knew that was the last thing we wanted. As we have learnt, siblings don't always get on and sometimes cause more harm then good.
We were able to give DS our time and attention as well as the material things, memorable holidays, supporting him through university, and his first car.
We are so proud of the man he became hard-working, a good and loving husband and a fantastic Dad.

Never ever regretted having one and done, DS has always been more than enough for us.

@Jollyjoy what a lovely thing to say and to observe

I have an only DD and I hope she is viewed in this way - thank you for speaking out

DD is just 6 and said the other day how she loves being our only child. She's incredibly social, very well liked, bright and has amazingly close relationships with both me and her dad. I went through a lot of mental anguish at one point but now realise I was being ridiculous. I'm also from a much bigger family and in my opinion the relationship with each parent trumps any with siblings.

She's very close to her friends and I make sure to arrange lots of play dates but she's also invited out all the time. One and done is perfect for us.

I'm an only, and never realised it should be an issue until reading posts on here!
I had a happy childhood, lots of friends, never wished for a sibling.

I'm an only and was gifted a whacking deposit for a flat, which I didn't need to share (after my Mum died so not entirely positive).