Convincing DH that this is NOT a tight budget!!

[mrschicshadow]

Good morning,
Before I start, This really isn’t a stealth boast. I am trying to make my dh see that we are financially ok.

DH changed jobs recently and this has meant a take home pay cut of £600pm. His last job was terribly stressful and took over his life. I am 100% in agreement that moving jobs was the right thing to do. He is already much better both physically and mentally. The issue now is that he has this misplaced guilt things are going to be ‘tight’ financially. I don’t think that this is the case. Sure, we have had to make some changes - we have cancelled load of silly subscriptions, got rid of the sky package ( got an Amazon Firestick instead). We also made a few switches with things like insurances and utility providers which also saved us a bit of money.

BTW, we have 1 teen dd at home. DS is older and lives independently now. We are both 45.

Our new financial position is as follows….
My take-home pay - £2433
DH take -home pay - £3102
Total - 5434

Mortgage - £1276 ( 5 years left and thankfully fixed for the next 4)
Gas/elec/water/council tax/ house insurance/TV licence/Internet - £510
Mobile phones - £48 for 2 phones. This will drop and we will eventually move to sim only
Car fuel - £160
DD allowance - £50 - we are strict about not giving top ups and we expect her to save some and use it wisely
Car loan - £260
Bit of debt - £280 - all on low interest and not too long to go
Gym membership - £52 for both of us - we use this several times a week and I would be loathe to stop this
Food - £400. I am being strict about this and shopping at Aldi/Lidl. Seems to be working out ok
Union subs - £42
Emergency savings - £200 - we like to do this for anything unexpected that crops up
Christmas savings - £50
Pet costs - £54 - an absolute priority!!!!
Car insurance - £94 - 2 cars. Cheapest deals I could get
DS money - £200. We are supporting DS with living costs for a year as he has just moved into his own place.
Haircuts - £20 - sort of an average
School uniform/school stuff for DD - £40 - stupidly expensive uniform
Total - £3736
This leaves £1698 which I think it really good.

We do have some savings and we want to carry on saving as DD is talking about uni.

How do I convince DH that this is NOT a right budget and that we can still do fun stuff and enoy life

Hi,

not tight at all. I expect you’re more better off than most. 😀

Sounds fine to me, tbh I’d be trying to put a bit more in savings, I think that’s an absolutely fine budget overall though.

No it's not tight probably a few things not budgeted for they maybe covered in 200 a month but i think you need 500 to cover MOT car services replacing brake pads tyres, birthdays clothes saving for r next car etc personally as 1698 left I would save an extra 298 so emergency is 498 not 200, also 200 towards next car, leaving 1200 , 200 each for you and DH for coffees, lunches, nights out, extra hobbies magazines etc leaves 800 to cover clothes eating out day trips birthdays holidays etc seems very nice to me

That leftover amount isn’t far off my take home pay! Absolutely not a tight budget 🤣

I live alone with a mortgage on what you have left over monthly so no, not tight!

Not tight in the slightest. Add in 5 yrs to go on mortgage and clear that debt that you are paying out of £280pm and once mortgage is paid off you will have over £3k a month to play with. More than comfortable.
Do you not already have a good amount of savings given he was earning £600pm more until recently?

It sounds fine to me. I would also try to put more into your savings to allow for major unexpected costs - needing a new roof, boiler, car etc, but you should be able to live comfortably enough on that budget.

You are alright!
It's probably how your husband feels, though.
We are very fortunate.
However, my husband, who is 75, keeps saying
What we gonna do when the money runs out etc....
It's just not gonna happen.
If everything else is good in marriage, I'd suggest to keep pushing back gently and making a joke.
It's in his mind!

We have similar income and outgoings, plus £1,000 nursery fees a month (and 28 years remaining on our mortgage!), and things still don't feel particularly tight.

It's probably just a bit of a mental adjustment for him. Hopefully he'll start to relax a bit!

Has he been reading mumsnet?

from many threads on here families are on the breadline if their income is less than 6 figures 😂

suprised the head tilters haven’t turned up with well, o/p, you might be fine on that but we couldn’t possibly live on only 1.6k a month disposable income.

do you live in the north perhaps?

I think these budgets are a bit artificial, there’s tons you haven’t accounted for:

toiletries
dentist
birthday presents
parking
days out
takeaway
prescription
clothes
holiday
school trips
books/newspapers/magazines
house repairs

(this is just based on things I’ve spent money on in last week or so, so I’m sure there is much more)

A better question is did you feel comfortable with plenty to save when DH was in his last job? If so you’ll be fine, if you didn’t then DH is probably wise to feel somewhat anxious.

But all that can come out of the £1700 of spare money they have a month...

Could you keep a rough log of expenses each month and how much money is left to show him? That will show him what flex you have

We are in a very similar position, albeit currently with £700 a month of nursery fees to pay too.

DH thinks we're ok. I'm constantly panicking.

I think it just comes down to your general emotions and experiences about money.

We don't have any loans/car stuff but we do have the nursery and I think spend a bit more on food - that's the bit that's stressing me out the most. We have some specific dietary needs in our family and the cost of living has made that so much more expensive to handle.

OP tightness is about mindset and financial goals. How has his lifestyle materially changed?
For example we prioritise food, buy good quality meat etc but also don't plan. Having a 'strict' food budget and only Aldi/Lidl is something I'd only do if money was tight.
It's really not about the £££ left.
Or maybe, 'tight' means he can't spend without thinking when he previously used to.
Or maybe, again, in the back of his mind there's a fear of losing a job/needing to downgrade again...

😂😂😂

Not tight at all. We’re experimenting with reduced income too due to awful stress and it does make you hyperfocus on spending.

The best thing I found was using Starling and having “pots” for money. I.e car, holiday, rainy day, house DIY etc.

Mine would equate to £700 “leftover money” but I budget more for food etc.

On paper it sounds very manageable (and as people have commented, more than many have as a total budget). However, only you know your style and costs of living to make that judgement.

One thing that sticks out, is that you are paying off debt, which I assume you acquired while having the additional £600 income? So maybe you need to recheck your budget based on previous spending if you went into some debt?

Good luck on a better work/life/money balance for you both. Once you have settled into slightly new ways, hopefully your husband will feel more reassured?

That’s a lot left for “everything else” when you’ve already paid for food on top of
bills, savings and all DDs!
My DH and I have a higher combined take home and a lot less left over after we’ve paid for all of the above 🤣

Erm, I think by tight your DH can’t see any flex for fun times? Where does money for meals out and new clothes come from? Haircuts £20? Is that just for your DH? Your projection for council tax, water, gas etc. seems exceptionally low. We pay £282 per month for CT alone. Also what funds are allocated for replacing white goods and maintenance of your property? Or would you draw this from savings, if so are there any big projects coming, like roofing?

They've got £1698 left a month, I don't think they'll struggle to afford a meal out

They need to budget for it though. That's why the DH is stressed - he's looking at that leftover and thinking "but we need to budget for xyz - doesn't seem much!" and not thinking it through systematically.

A sensible budget that splits out how you're going to use that £1700 and demonstrates that its ample including "fun" money, hols etc would reassure him quite a lot I think.

Well yes, but OP is think wow we have £1700pcm we’ll be fine and her DH is thinking realistically we probably have only half of that
be a use those other items are going to drive out disposable and income down to £850.

personally I can understand why her DH would feel anxious at the idea of only £100 per week each for truly discretionary spend. It’s not a lot.

We are in a similar position we are looking to relocate which will mean a bigger morgtage and school club fees etc. Our income is high but we are paying a lot of debt from when we were on lower salaries . If we move we will have 1.7k (have 2.2 now which feels a decent amount) left a month but I do worry it's too tight. Most of the debt should be gone by March 2026 so I am focusing on that. Although we have another baby on the way but by relocating it brings nursery fees down and my student loan will be gone by then so that covers it.
We are lucky we get 2x paid for holidays a year , but i still like to do another . It does feel tight to me and I'm questioning if it's doable.