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Ds gay relationships

9 replies

Ds9ds · 16/11/2024 09:49

My ds is 22. He was seeing a man for a while although ds is in UK and his boyfriend is in America. Ds seems to fall in love very quickly. He was seeing this recent guy for around 6 months lots if contact via phone/message/video etc and seeing each other every couple of months for around 2 weeks at a time. Ds was in America recently within boyfriend. He came back Thursday. Whilst there ds has told me his boyfriend seemed distant. When ds tried to kiss him . The boyfriend would just return a peak on the cheek. He said when ever he tried to be intermate In some way. he seemed off with him. And he was more touchy freely with his friends ( not on an intermate way) but ds said the chats and time they spend together was so lovely and felt special etc. Ds said he wanted to talk to his boyfriend about the intermate side of things and his boyfriend seeming a little distant. Then the day before ds was due to fly back his boyfriend ended the relationship. Ds is devastated.

Ds is constantly crying for the past few days . He's saying things like his clothes smells of him. Or the washing detergent on his clothes reminds him of him.

He says things like he's so hurt he can't take it anymore and why does this have to happen to him he says that twice in 6 months this has happend. He's basically had 1 relationship that lasted a year . Which ds ended. Then he's had 2 relationship that lasted 6 months. But they would often go weeks without seeing each other even though they are reasonably local.

Ds says he just wants a normal relationship. But he says most people in the gay community want open relationships or hook ups and ds does not want that.

I feel so bad for him. But I don't have the answers or really know what to say. I know its early and the feeling ds has is normal. But he gets deeply emotionally involved very quickly. He then gets very hurt.

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 16/11/2024 09:55

I think all you can do for now is to be there for your son but in the longer term encourage him to reflect that he can fall for people quickly and end up getting hurt.

He needs to learn to take his time with his emotions and build some solid foundations over time before expecting a long term relationship. Many young people have been where he is.

HermioneWeasley · 16/11/2024 09:58

He needs to find someone on the same continent as him for starters if he wants a meaningful relationship. He also might want to calm down a bit - being so intense so early on is a bit much for a lot of people.

Ds9ds · 16/11/2024 10:12

Winter2020 · 16/11/2024 09:55

I think all you can do for now is to be there for your son but in the longer term encourage him to reflect that he can fall for people quickly and end up getting hurt.

He needs to learn to take his time with his emotions and build some solid foundations over time before expecting a long term relationship. Many young people have been where he is.

That's what I'm thinking. I think as he gets older he may learn some of them things. He just says it's hard in the gay community and he does not think he will ever find a stable relationship. But I try and tell him he's still very young he has plenty of time. And to try not to get so emotionally involved. I do wounder if some tell him thru are looking for a relationship but actually they are not. But that's all the more reason not to get deeply emotionally involved till he's sure.

OP posts:
WitcheryDivine · 16/11/2024 10:20

Your poor son, he must be feeling a big gap in his day if they’ve constantly been in touch. I think young people of all sexualities experience this tbh And lots of people are just looking for something casual at that stage. BUT not everyone, tell your son there will be many others like him who just want a lovely guy to be in a monogamous relational with, and if he takes things a bit slower in the early stages and really listens to the people he dates and gets to know them he will get better at spotting them. possibly at the moment he’s young enough to see what he wants to see or believe someone will change “for him”. Best advice my dad gave me was “never think a man will change”.

If he’s on a dating app does he say outright he’s looking for a relationship? I recommend doing that as the fuckboys will be put off!

meanwhile just dish out the cuddles she chocolate and comforting films, you sound like a lovely mum

WitcheryDivine · 16/11/2024 10:22

Ds9ds · 16/11/2024 10:12

That's what I'm thinking. I think as he gets older he may learn some of them things. He just says it's hard in the gay community and he does not think he will ever find a stable relationship. But I try and tell him he's still very young he has plenty of time. And to try not to get so emotionally involved. I do wounder if some tell him thru are looking for a relationship but actually they are not. But that's all the more reason not to get deeply emotionally involved till he's sure.

I think some of my gay friends have found it easier to find a stable relationship as they’ve got older (but I also think it’s not that different for straight people)

Don’t let him be told by guys that everyone is doing XYZ, they aren’t!

mitogoshigg · 16/11/2024 10:33

Tell him there's men out there who are like him, wanting long term stable relationships, faithful marriage even. My brother is like your son, isn't interested in that gay culture type scene, he's the most straight laced gay man I've met, in fact it's living proof that it's not a choice as he's just so ordinary and would have loved to have been drawn to women and have a family.

Haroldwilson · 16/11/2024 10:38

I don't think that's a gay thing, it's a youth thing.

How did he come to be with someone from the US? There are gay meet up groups, sports teams etc he could join and take his time to find someone who won't just be a short term thing.

But let's face it, relationships don't tend to last when you're 22.

lollypopsforme · 16/11/2024 10:48

Bless him sounds like his first time in love.
He's going to fine it will hurt for now but it will get better.

Ds9ds · 16/11/2024 10:50

Haroldwilson · 16/11/2024 10:38

I don't think that's a gay thing, it's a youth thing.

How did he come to be with someone from the US? There are gay meet up groups, sports teams etc he could join and take his time to find someone who won't just be a short term thing.

But let's face it, relationships don't tend to last when you're 22.

I agree that's why I said 22 is very young still. He has a friend who lived in the UK for their school years. She's moved back to us and he gos to see her and they met whilst he was visiting her.

He did say to me he's found a friendship group from reddit. I asked if its a proper friendship group or is it like a hook up thing he says its a proper friend group. I don't really know how that sort of thing works though.

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