How to leave the past behind and be more optimistic and happt

[Feelingblues]

Name changed but just that really.

backstory have had a really hard past 5 years. Lost second parent in their sixties. Very difficult work related tribunal, found out dh had affair. Health suffered with stress.

skip to now. Two healthy children. Still with dh (please don’t judge) and relationship ok. Work wise I took a pounding confidence wise. Fairly new job now, close to home and enjoying wfh balance. Took a lower level role and salary and really struggling with a bad manager who wants to take advantage of experience but for herself. Was actually screamed at yesterday to say get in my lane, in front of another senior manager who she has clearly got on board so joined in.

went to bed (after kids) in tears and haven’t slept. I feel like am just coasting and making do in all areas. How can I care less about stuff like work, I want to acknowledge I’m seeing for having got through what I did but I feel weak and defeated.

i feel at 45 my life has missed the opportunities to be amazing and I don’t want it to be like this

please can anyone help me get in a better head space.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I don't have masses of advice but on the work front I would strongly recommend you look for another job. It is hard to feel happy and content with your lot when you have someone screaming at you, and if they do it on front of someone else then it's a highly toxic environment. You could go down the reporting to HR route etc, but honestly I'd say you'd be better off spending your energy finding somewhere else to work.

Prioritise finding your happiness.

Sorry posted too soon. Try reading Happy Mind, Happy Life by Dr Rangan Chatterjee. I found it a really helpful book to help me reset how I defined my own self worth and happiness and how that doesn't get defined by external factors but by my own attitude and approach. It's a simple book with some through provoking exercises. Very easy to dip into and just muse over.

Each of the things that have happened to you need time to recover and you can recover from the work one while you are still in a terrible work environment. Make this your priority.

I was 45 when I moved sectors to a much better job - the year before my mindset was that I had fucked up and was stuck now forever. My workplace wasn't toxic but I was underestimated and underpaid and believing it about myself.

It's time to take you seriously, believe you deserve and are capable of more. Get a female friend to be your cheerleader. Change your mind on yourself as a resilient achiever. Your next job doesn't have to be a huge pay rise or the kind of job you feel confident saying in front of people who might judge but one where you feel fine to go in every day. You can absolutely do this. Don't write yourself or your life off. In the last five years you have made a decision on your relationship, coped with grief and made the initial step to sort your job. Take another step now and you will feel so much better.

These replies have made me cry. Thank you.

As in cry with gratitude.