Unhappy with DIY job done by friend - how to address?

[deeeyewhy]

We needed the bathroom redoing (mainly tiles). A good friend is an avid DIY-er / house doer-upper and has experience of doing this in their own homes so offered to do mine (paid but at a rate to reflect our friendship and the fact they're not a professional, but still not super cheap). I've visited their house and the kitchen and bathrooms look great.

Anyway, we're a few days into them doing the bathroom and it's awful. The tile patterns don't align well, the edging strips aren't cut to fit exactly (either under or over by a few mm and the corners weren't mitred, just cut straight and overlapping) and there's damage from where the old tiles have been removed.

I'm really, really unhappy but don't know how to address this without it being awkward going forward as they're a good friend (but rarely visit my house). I either will have to ask them to stop, pay for their time and get professionals in to rectify / finish the job or I let them finish and then get someone else in to start again. I don't trust that they can complete this job to a decent standard.
I don't have a lot of spare cash and have already spent hundreds on tiles and associated materials that may be wasted if we have to start over. Help - how would you address this?

I know..

If you feel awkward, then you could say that you hadn't really noticed the tiling up close until your partner/family member/neighbour or whoever pointed out that the tiles etc weren't aligned properly, and now that they've said this you can see the issue with it too.
If you say it like this, it'll show that it's not just you who doesn't think the work is being done properly, as your friend might try and give lame excuses as to why things are not mitred, or they could say the 'walls are not straight' and that's why the tiles aren't either, just to shut you up.

I'd tell them that you'll pay for their time so far, but have decided to leave the job for now, and then get someone else in. You shouldn't worry about any awkwardness, as your friend isn't bothered about taking your money for substandard workmanship.

I genuinely felt they would do a good job. I've seen their house and it's stunning and all done up by them. However, in hindsight, I'd not looked at their house with the critical eye of someone about to have work done by the same person so maybe up close it isn't quite so good. Also their house was more of a blank canvas as they'd moved walls / built an extension, rather than mine which was taking off old tiles and fixtures / fittings and replacing with new.

Oh I feel for you I really do, I hate confrontation, but im also extremely fussy about my house!

I would have to say something along the lines of ' I really appreciate your work so far but im such a fusspot I need the finish to be really good, so im going to get a professional in'

Pay for their time so far. If their own house is really good then it sounds like they are doing yours in a slap dash way? Also not agreeing a price before seems a bit odd, call me cynical but It sounds like they were thinking they could do a rush job and make a bit of cash?

Don't tie yourself up in knots making up fake excuses, he will know you're lying. Just be honest that you're not happy about the work done so far and pay him for his time. Then get a professional person in to sort it out. If he is a decent guy, the friendship will survive. If he gets the hump he's not such a good friend is he!

I would tell the truth and message them back: "Jenny, I'm really not happy with how the bathroom is looking. The tiles aren't matched up properly and the edging is wonky. I"ll give you £100 for your time but that's it since I will need to pay someone else to finish the job properly."

I think tiling is really difficult. I had a similar thing with a terrible workman and had to pay to have the whole lot taken off again and restarted by someone else. I suppose it's easier in a newly plastered room.

I think I would just be quite honest and say can I pay you up to now? I'm going to have to get somebody in about these tiles because I'm really not happy I'm afraid. There's no other way round it. I wouldn't talk about changing the colour scheme or anything like that as he will just want to do that for you. As long as you are nice about it then you should be fine

Actually I think you should ask him now what his daily rate is and transfer that money and then tell him you don't want him anymore. If he is angry then he might increase the daily rate

Maybe just ask about thr tiles rather than a criticism?
"John. Just looking at the tiles, they don't seem to line up. Is that something that gets sorted later on? Sorry if this is stupid question am no good at DIY!"
Or something to that effect

Maybe just point out that the tiles aren't even and it's worrying you as you're a perfectionist and you just know it will drive you bonkers down the line. Say you really appreciate all their efforts and for doing their best for you, but you've decided it's in your best interests to just take the financial hit and get professionals in to complete, and ask what you owe them for the work so far. Make light and just play on it being your ocd with perfection. It doesn't have to be friendship ending if done diplomatically.

I think the OP is the best person to decide whether the friend would prefer honesty about the quality of the workmanship over a white lie to spare their feelings. Also, some people have a knack for telling the truth in a way that doesn't hurt - it's not an easy thing to do! And some people are more sensitive to criticism and would find a fudged excuse easier to bear, even if they know deep down that it's untrue. There isn't a one-size fits solution to this kind of situation.

I agree that it is a very difficult situation, I hope you can work it out and keep the friendship too.

What's the spend? I think if less than £500, for the sake of the friendship, I'd let them finish and put up with it for 12-18 months before replacing. Once finished you might find it's better than you anticipate.

I think as it was your judgement that caused the issue you shouldn't risk the friendship if it's a good one. Not over tiles.

How is it they did their own house nicely, but are making a mess of yours? Or did you not look that closely.

A pity you weren't there while they were working you could have commented without it being such a big deal, 'oh that's not quite lined up', 'are you going to mitre that corner'. They might have got the hint that the job was not going to be up to your standards or they might have buckled down and got it right.

If you don't want to upset them I agree with the, I've gone off the idea, which is actually true but not because of the colour!

It’s by the by now, but do you know they did the tiling in their own house?

If you say nothing, next thing you might be used as a recommendation to the next victim friend needing work done!

Just make an excuse and pay them for their time spent. Say something like when all the tiles were removed, you started wondering whether it would be better to move the bath/sink/extend the wall/replace window, so you’re going to take some time to think about it and look for some bathroom fittings options/research online.

Similar happened to us. We got a handyman carpenter in to replace 3 doors and he made a complete mess up of the first door, scratching it and damaging the wall too. We did get him back to rectify the damage but didnt let him do the other two doors, saying we had changed our mind about them. We then got a professional to fit them.

I guess not 100% know for sure (as in I didn't watch them do it!) but have no reason to believe they would lie about it. They talked about the project and showed me photos of the progress in general day-to-day conversion long before I even bought the house I own now, so it wasn't a brag to try and drum up business from me IYSWIM.

That's another concern. I am friends with this person through a sport we both do, so there's a whole team of people that are mutual friends and know that know X is doing my bathroom; they're highly likely to ask how it's gone / want to see it / may want X to do their bathroom as well, so this will almost certainly open up a can of worms however it pans out.

‘Hey friend. Thanks for the work you’ve done on the bathroom. Unfortunately it doesn’t look how I anticipated so I’m going to have a rethink on what to do with it going forward. I’ll obviously pay you for what you’ve done so far. But don’t worry about finishing it. I might change the tiles entirely’

Youve not told them they’ve done a shit job. But also not lied either. Might be enough to salvage the friendship

100%

you will compound the problem by lying - why do that? It does nothing to sort out the DIY job and it won't preserve the relationship.

I don't have a lot of spare cash and have already spent hundreds on tiles and associated materials that may be wasted if we have to start over. Help - how would you address this?

you won't necessarily have wasted all the money. If you get someone in who's competent, they might be able to remediate rather than start from scratch,

are you able to post up a photo to see how bad the problem is?

I doubt your friend is going to spread the word or ask for your recommendation if you are honest and specifically say why you don't like the job they've done. This is another reason not to lie about it,

You need to be really clear as to what isn't acceptable so you don't get sucked into further recommendations,

in any case it isn't your obligation or accountability to promote his business, why should you?

I would go the root via text "it's not quite worked out how I had hoped, can you let me know how much I owe you for your time?"
Or as above with a "shall we call it £x amount?"

Perhaps as pp said it might be best to ask how much the work has cost so far, and then say you'll transfer it and you would like someone else to finish it.

People can react oddly at times.

@daisychain01 No, I don't think they'd want me to act as a referee either but lots of mutual friends know that I've been having the work done and will definitely ask about it.

@deeeyewhy I do like @Gymmum82 and others suggestions.i would also let them know if they push back that you feel it’s not going as you expected and that the tiling etc isn’t inline or whatever.

take lots of photos for starters.

I’ve had to do something similar but it was my dad I had the conversation with.

I managed to carefully get some of the files of the wall (leave to a professional if I were you) and restart the job.

You could say: “look I’ve had another think about it. And I am so sorry to tell you this because it’s awkward. But I think I should not have asked you as my friend to do it. I had envisaged it would look different but Im not sure I am loving the results. And rather let you finish and me being unhappy, I’d much rather protect our friendship, pay you for the hours you have done so far, and I’ll get someone else in to do it. In which case I might still not love it but I can blame a stranger rather than a friend. And then hopefully we can go out over a coffee and have a good laugh about it”