Any introverts/shy/reserved people on here?

[Plingplong]

What’s your experience of being an introverted/shy/reserved adult? I kinda feel like people are more accepting of this when you’re a child or teen because they think it’s something you’ll merely “grow out of”…
However, when you’re an adult people perhaps (inadvertently) make you feel like there’s something wrong with you or something…anyone understand what I’m referring to?

I got to the stage in life where I just accepted who I was. I always found we have a huge expectation of children to have friends and having friends is always seen as so important. Why can't we just accept that some people are not that social and don't need a lot of social contact in that way? So I embraced who I was and am quite happy with a couple of friends in my life. I do think it's important to have people in your life though, so I do maintain community connections, even if sometimes I find it to feel like work.

I do understand what you're referring to. I've just decided to reject it.

Yes sadly the modern world is no place for introverts. Its for brash people, everyone has to be a loud twat. I'll blame Social Media.

I’m introverted but not shy. As in, I’m confident to interact with people and in social situations. I just find them exhausting and I’d rather not do them. I save my energy for when I really need it (work, things I can’t miss), and I say no to everything else. It’s about being comfortable with your limits. Dh feels really pressured to turn up to everything and stay as long as everyone else (and it makes him really anxious). Whereas I’ve gotten comfortable not really giving a shit. 😂 So I say no to stuff when I know I don’t have the energy or the thought of it bores me or I can’t stomach making small talk with those people again. I think that’s really key. Being choosy about where you expend your social energy.

I once had to ask a loud, extroverted manager to change the line in my appraisal that said ‘InTheWindow is not a big personality in the room.’ I pointed out being quiet is not a character flaw and was actually beneficial to some of the more reserved children I worked with.

I think you have to stop caring about what other people think of you. Just accept the way you are and be happy.

Shy is not the same as reserved and neither is the same as introverted. They all tend to get conflated on here.

I was an introverted, quiet, shy child and I'm an introverted, quiet, confident adult. Very happy, lecture for a living so public speaking etc. No issues.

The thing I love about getting older is that you find your niche and you can build your life how you want it to be. I did a personality test recently at work and most people came out as introverts so im obviously in the right environment! I also just meet friends in groups of two or three so you can have an proper conversation and trying to keep up with lots of people talking. if I didn’t have an extremely extroverted sibling who has party for everything just wouldn’t go to parties ever again. As it is it’s only one every year or two, which I dread but are manageable. I also care a lot less what people think generally. DH and DC are similar so we spend a lot of time hanging around together.

I'm introverted but not shy. I am terrible at making small talk, or the general niceties that everyone usually does when catching up with someone (how've you been/how did that event go)

I'm good at pretending to be outgoing when meeting people... but it's draining and I'd rather be on my own, eg a day out in town all alone than with a friend. I think it can be easier for me atm to be introverted, compared to being an introverted kid. Most of the people in my social circle are so busy with various things, big social gatherings and clubs, etc. that I get away with not physically hanging out often. If I didn't have an outgoing, social child I'd probably have made zero parent friends.

Yes, I'm very quiet, reserved and introverted but, I don't consider myself to be shy, and, like @BarbaraHoward said, perfectly able to stand up and address or give presentations to rooms full of people.

However, I tend to avoid loud, noisy or crowded environments and prefer to spend quiet time, in quiet places, doing quiet things with quiet people, quietly! Preferably in wide open spaces, surrounded by green and living things.

We are all different and being quiet, reserved or shy is not a fault, a negative or a failing by any means - Susan Cain's book 'Quiet - The Power Of The Introvert In A World That Can't Stop Talking' is a good read.

Steven Hawking said "quiet people have the loudest minds"

It’s taken me a long time to realise I’m an introvert but not always shy

I agree with this. It took me a while to finally start to accept that it’s okay to not be the loudest person in the room and I’m just as fascinating and interesting as people who seem to never switch off. It’s this thing that people do where they think it’s okay to comment on your quietness like, “you’re very quiet” etc. But would it seem the same of you commented on someone’s loudness like “you’re so loud”😂

Omg this made me laugh 😂😂

Even introverts are drawn to loud outspoken people. I had an introvert friend that wanted to be an extrovert, so she ditched me for her louder brashier friends whilst all the while complaining people preferred extroverts over her.

Same here, I actually love socialising but I usually find it a lottt of effort. Like, so much energy

I used to think I was shy—which made my childhood and teenage and early adult years very difficult. I thought I'd grow out of it and get better at socialising with practice.

Eventually I discovered I actually have extreme social anxiety, and no, you don't grow out of that.

But I'm not an introvert. I hate being alone. I love being around people, despite being terrified of them and struggling to make friends or sometimes even just to leave the house or to speak to people (I never know what to say, I'm too paralysed by terror). I would love to go out a lot and be the life of the party.

As it is I'm not even invited to the party.

And ironically as I got older I realised that people didn't understand "shyness" and would assume I was unfriendly/snobbish/even racist.

My DC have grown up and moved away and in the past few years as I've lost some of my few friends (through moving away/drifting apart/dying) life has become even more lonely. I'm too young and they're too young for my DC to think of bringing me to live with them (and maybe they never will). The present is awful and I dread the future.

I’m an introvert in that I recharge when I’m on my own, but not shy. I have a lot of friends & enjoy socialising.

I simply couldn’t handle living with other people though. Having friends round is great but having other people living with me all the time would be impossible.

My experience is the reverse. I felt people made way more comments and teased me when I was young. Now I'm an adult people are more respectful and accept me as I am.

It really isn’t, you know. As is manifestly obvious from Mn, the internet has allowed people to retreat into solitude and engage with others, if they do at all, solely via online means.

took me a long time to realise how introverted i am, as a child/teen people always described me as "shy"
or "quiet", yet i had no problem chatting away to close friends.
My in laws all seem to be extroverted and just love being in a big group all together, same with my girlfriends, if we go away in a weekend together.....after a couple of hours at a meal, I just have to get away for a walk in my own, or retreat to my own room, otherwise i get so resentful and stressed. Same with work events, can't bear when there is networking drinks after a conference, I just need to be alone !!

Wow, this is very poignant. Yes, it’s quite hard to describe the emotions when there are struggles with social anxiety. It’s like, we want to engage with ease and appear natural about it but there’s this underlying anxiousness that comes with it. But what I’ve come to find is that it depends on who I'm socialising with. There are some people who are so easy to speak to that I naturally come out my shell and perhaps become even too talkative. Then there are other people who make me feel a bit awkward and I stumble over my words and it doesn’t make sense how

Yes I agree, I love having close intimate dinners/girl nights with friends but once they leave I often find myself saying “well, I won’t be doing that again for a while”. I think it’s beautiful that we can be truly content in our own company. It’s a gift really.

Wow, I think that may be a case of your friend perhaps not accepting herself.

I'm an introvert (on Myers Briggs scale) , I recharge my batteries by being alone. When I worked I could get "people out". I'd just have had enough of them.

But I'm by no means shy or reserved. During my career I was a trainer for many years. So I spent years talking to groups, big and small. I was fine with that.

my purpose for posting is just to say that not everyone who is introverted is also shy.

we are all different in our own ways.