Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Wanting the Unborn Child, But Not His or Her Father

6 replies

DancingFerret · 15/11/2024 18:51

Not my situation, just posting here for traffic, rather than the Pregnancy board, in the hope of some getting some answers because Google isn't being very helpful.

Couple with young baby; baby was unplanned. They live in her mortgaged house, he pays no rent and isn't on the deeds. He has done some DIY. He only works occasionally, contributes nothing to the household, smokes and takes drugs. She told him she the relationship is over and that she wants him to leave. He ignored her, so she followed the standard advice to give him notice in writing; he tore up the letter and laughed in her face. He acts as if he's the man of the house with every right to be there. She's planning to change the locks soon.

However, for all that, she's discovered she's pregnant again. She wants to keep the baby, but still wants to end the relationship - soon, before her pregnancy is obvious. Although he has PR for the elder child, she intends to tell him the baby she's carrying isn't his. I'm not sure if her plan will work. Will he be able to demand a DNA test to prove paternity?

Appearances matter to him, and while he likes the "status" of being a father, he's not hands-on, has never actually bought anything for child who's already here, and CMS will be virtually non-existent. Hence her reason for wanting to exclude him.

OP posts:
Canogapark · 15/11/2024 18:52

Does she plan to lie to the child too about who its father is.

ThianWinter · 15/11/2024 18:53

She can certainly evict him from her house, but I'm not sure about misleading him regarding the baby she is expecting. As he is mostly an absent dad, I doubt if he'll care too much anyway.

warofthetimemachines · 15/11/2024 18:53

I think there’s a legal mechanism for men believe they are the father of a child to request a DNA test to prove it.

Marblesbackagain · 15/11/2024 18:53

I would assume he will go to court for a DNA test so why on earth would she lie. That is so unfair on the child. They have a right to that relationship and information.

warofthetimemachines · 15/11/2024 18:55

From the kids point of view it’s a dumb idea to lie to both of them. When the truth is discovered (which could be done with no input from either the mother or the father - a DNA test on both the kids would very likely strongly suggest a full sibling and not half sibling relationship) then one or both of the kids would resent the situation.

OneBlackHeart · 15/11/2024 19:46

Just get him out the house. If he's gonna fight to see the eldest he may as well see the youngest.

One of my ex was out hand on at all utterly shit father. Splitting and him getting contact has been the making of him and a lovely break for me. My older kids dad is a nasty piece of work and contact for him is about refusing maintenance. He palms kid off on his mother or current gf. It's not great and certainly my kid deserves better but I still get the break Andy hose my home I pay for and always paid for doesn't have his leeching energy and selfish male entitlement poisoning it. Once kids get too double digits they can see their dad is a lazy shit too without you having to say anything.

I think if this was the first child I would say don't tell him. But it the secondly so you can do more harm than good lying about paternity here. But get him out the house. It's fucking liberation sooooo worth the social stigma

New posts on this thread. Refresh page