I have 2 DDs age 14 and 13, I split with their dad when they were 4 and 2 and he’d see them every other weekend. When it came to light he had a new girlfriend he slowly stopped seeing our DDs as often, he just wouldn’t show up and I’d forever be telling them he’s working.
I spoke to him about it and we eventually had an agreement of being honest and open, I became civil with his girlfriend and would invite her to parties and family events so my DDs could see us being mature adults. This went well for around a year. Well when they had their first baby together that agreement ended, she suddenly decided she hated me and spread so many lies and rumours about me that we had a falling out as some of it could have landed me in serious trouble.
DDs dad sided with me as he knew she’d gone too far and had caused issues for our DDs. Still he chose to stay with her and they now have 5 children under 8.
He now only sees our DDs once a month for 3 hours, at his choosing. I offer more time and plead with him to spend more time with them as they feel left out over the other children. Nothing changes. This has been going on for the past 5 years. His girlfriend has forbidden my DDs from seeing ‘her’ children so they have only met 2 of the 5 children, their dad isn’t allowed to have them alone incase he takes them to meet DDs and she has generally been making things very difficult talking about what an inconvenience it is for him to see his DDs when he should be helping her with their children, and that I’m stealing money from them in the form of child maintenance.
I’ve spoken to their dad several times telling him to make an effort or get out of their lives. He’s controlled by his girlfriend and puts her first which I know I can’t do anything about, he’s too scared to leave her as she’ll stop him seeing their children.
it’s got to the point where I’d rather he cuts himself off from them, my DDs are always upset when he doesn’t show up or cancels last minute. He fakes being unwell so he doesn’t have to see them. When he does have them he takes them to his parents house so he can sit on his phone and ignore them.
What have you done when in this situation? I need to protect my DDs as it’s affecting them a lot, they feel jealous and left out and unwanted and I can’t let it continue. Do I suggest court to make an arrangement? Has anyone stopped their ex seeing the children? I’m so drained and exhausted by it, I don’t know how to make the situation better for my DDs without being the bad one. Eldest DD is willing to stop seeing him if it continues but youngest really misses her dad and is constantly trying to get his attention. If anyone can suggest anything I’d be really grateful, getting desperate to stop this drama now.