Anyone awake? Life is shit at the moment

[FullOnPanicMode]

Can't sleep. My life is falling apart. No eaten for days.

I'm awake, regular insomniac. Do you want to talk about what's keeping you awake?

Awake. Still working. 🙄

What's wrong @FullOnPanicMode?

Long term anxiety. I'm worrying about the future. I catastrophize all the time. I'm going through a particularly difficult time following the death of my mum. Miss her terribly. Money worries also

Goodness. What do you do?

I'm so sorry to hear that. When did you lose your mum?
I'm a worrier too, over think everything, hence why I don't sleep well. I understand money problems too, been there.
Do you take any medication for anxiety?

No meds. But seeing Dr tomorrow. Trying to think what to say. Have taken antiDs before but they've not touched the anxiety.

I see we are forecast really cold weather soon and scared of what the heating bill is going to be.

Lost mum 12 months ago

I take sertraline, it's supposed to help with anxiety. I would definitely tell him that anxiety is a major issue, see what he suggests.
Yes I saw that is going to get colder too. I've been getting away with just turning the heating on in the evening, but suspect that's going to change. Do you pay by direct debit and will it cover your usage?

Just want to say thinking of you and hope you get some rest soon. ❤️

Yes DD but no idea if there will be enough money to cover it.

Why aren't the media covering stories of ordinary people struggling to survive? Personally I don't care about whether some useless celebrity has had another face lift.

Trying hard not to wake OH. I'm so envious. He'd sleep through a nuclear strike!!

Thank you 🥹

I also took Sertraline for acute anxiety in 2020. It was very helpful. I took it for a year, at the end of which my OCD symptoms had also virtually disappeared - and that's not even what it was prescribed for! The anxiety meant I completely lost my appetite. Can you manage just to eat really tiny amounts of something or drink a little milk to get some protein?

I lost my mum in 2022 and I'm only just beginning to kind of come up from that - I think it takes longer than we often realise.

I really feel for you OP.

I've just got out of bed, knowing I wasn't going back to sleep for a while. It's not unusual for me, then the catastrophising starts - every single worry marches through my brain and there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm sorry you are doing that as well.

So I get up, doomscroll on MN and take a couple of useless Nytols.

I have started writing everything down in the ColorNotes app on my phone - it's become my 3 in the morning journal. I don't know whether it works, taking a brain dump, but it's something. I've put a password on the page so it will always be private.

I often wake up with an earworm (a song that repeats and repeats). Tonight it's Bettye Swann - 'then you can tell me goodbye '. I shall listen to it with my headphones to hear the decent version, rather than mine!

I think the brain/sleep thing works in 90 minutes phases, so hopefully I'll get back to sleep soon.

I hope you do too!

Awake too with heartburn caused by steroids for arthritis flare and wrists hurt too.

I second Sertraline for anxiety. How old are you OP? Perimenopause could be a factor also. So sorry to hear about your mum too. Hugs to you.

Long term anxiety. I'm worrying about the future. I catastrophize all the time. I'm going through a particularly difficult time following the death of my mum. Miss her terribly. Money worries also

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

Aaaagg, the dreaded washing machine brain, endless churning thoughts. Very frustrating when you just want some mental space.

Goodness. What do you do?

Work in finance plus lone parenting, so sadly I do not get to sleep very much!

OP it sounds tough. Maybe write down what you want to tell the dr and show them. I do this if it’s more than one issue so I don’t forget stuff.

I’m watching CIN design masters with my 8 year old who a really high temp and headache and can’t sleep.

in terms of the middle of the night overthinking brain (been there) I recommend alphabetising stuff like:
Fruit and veg
Countries
Rivers, seas, lakes and watercourses
Cities/towns
Animals
Dog breeds etc

Another one is to random word so just let one random word after another pop into your head and if you start to pattern or go off track thinking, stop and restart the random.

Oh yes, for really can't sleep and need TV:

If you have YouTube:
Kara and Nate

Any BBC foreign drama where you have to read subtitles

Also awake. Sorry to hear about your mum.

My worries are that I have an anorexic daughter, who I’ve just got on side much more and I’ve messed things up. Except what I’ve done, I would do again. Because I have these big principles about everyone being equal and a belief that we all safeguard everyone’s kids. Quite happy for someone to do it with dd etc.

Dd is 16. This is about a lad, who she briefly dated is 17. Dd’s friend told me he is in a coercively controlling relationship and being abused by his girlfriend and when he tried to end it, she threatened suicide. It’s obviously a story at this stage so I can’t say it’s 100% true. He’s at college so no duty of care there so I contacted his mum a couple of days ago but didn’t explain why. She was busy and said she’d call me this afternoon instead she asked him. He’s contacted my dd shouting at her, wanting my number etc. Dd didn’t want me to do it and I did it on the quiet. Her friend isn’t supposed to know. I’m not supposed to know. Dd isn’t supposed to know. But we all do.

Anyway dd is fuming. She has gone missing in the past in the dark (one of her friends found her after a couple of hours some distance away at a park they go to sometimes) and threatened to go missing if I told the boy’s mum. Anorexia is a serious mental illness 20% die btw so this isn’t just something that can blow over.

Dh is angry and cannot understand why I’m doing this. I think I can get through this. Again. The hatred. Again. But the fall out. And I still need to tell his mum. It’s a massive drive in me. Protecting people. It’s because I wasn’t protected as a kid so I just can’t ignore things.

Fuck I hate being me sometimes.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. The time around a loss anniversary is always difficult (going through similar myself so really empathise with you - hence the no sleep)

Do you have a smart meter fitted? I can keep track of the spending that way and can adjust my DD accordingly. I managed to build up credit over the warmer months this year as last year was a real struggle over winter.

Write a few bullet points down to help with your discussion with the Dr, sometimes our minds just go blank. Hoping things start feeling easier for you soon

@FullOnPanicMode I’m awake.

Sorry about your Mum. I lost mine in 2019 and I often dream about her.

Do you want to chat about what’s on
your mind?

I thought I was the only one who did the alphabet thing!!
(it really does help, OP and becomes quite addictive) 😄

I have had anti depressents a few times in my life and it never touched the anxiety. The first thing that ever did was stimulant medication when I was late diagnosed with ADHD at 45 years old. Doesn't completely quiet the brain for me but slows it down.
Also heard good things from people on GLP1 inhibitors that have mental health probs, so if you are overweight I would consider that, but if you have money troubles probs too expensive, but therapy is also expensive. Poor mental health is expensive.

I'm sorry about your mum 🌺
A part of you never accepts it.

I woke up at 4am and did a few budgetary calculations, things will be very tight over Xmas!

I hope you managed to sleep @FullOnPanicMode and all goes well with the doctor later.