A thing you did/said that seemed small but had a big impact on someone else

[Woadicea]

Have you ever had someone tell you that something apparently minor you said or did had a significant impact on them?

E.g. my best friend was single for a while but really wanted to start a family. She was complaining to me about how all the men she met were awful and I said, 'Well, I think you've met some nice blokes but you always found something wrong with them.' I then listed a few of the men she'd dated where she'd ended things for minor reasons. Fast forward a few years and she has kids with a lovely man and told me my comment had really made her think and re-evaluate her approach to dating/relationships.

And I don't even remember saying it!

Yes, I've had people say it to me a few times, and, generally for things I didn't remember at all. Things that I just think are nice, normal, kind things to do, like including people or welcoming people as they walk in somewhere, or maybe giving someone a lift to something when they were too nervous to walk in on their own the first time.

My colleague always sprayed herself when opening a yogurt, until I suggested she open it facing away from her. She would text me for years afterwards saying 'enjoying a yogurt, not wearing any of it....thanks again!' 😂

It's the little things!

Truly life-changing! 😂

I don’t know if it’s a small thing, but I didn’t do it with the intention of helping anyone else. I’m a recovering alcoholic and I got sober nearly 2 years ago. In that time, my MIL has also gone sober. And Dh and BIL have also largely stopped drinking (not because of me, I don’t care if people drink around me). Dh just decided it doesn’t appeal much anymore and went from drinking maybe 4 nights a week to maybe having 2 drinks a week if that.

No one has said it’s because of me except Dh, but MIL has come to me for advice along the way. Sometimes people just need to see that positive change is possible to realise they can do it too.

I used to teach in an FE college in an inner city. My typical cohort were 16-19 year old males from disadvantaged backgrounds. I suggested to a particularly gifted student that he consider applying to Uni to take the subject further. He laughed and said “Don’t be stupid, people like me don’t go to university”. I eventually talked him round and helped him with his application.

Years later he found me on Facebook and sent me a message to thank me. He said I was the first person in his life to see his potential and he never would have considered higher education because nobody had ever suggested it to him. He had got his degree and was working as a programmer, and he wanted me to know what a difference I’d made. I was very touched, but also very sad that so many young people go through life with no encouragement or expectations.

Someone in my year at uni accidentally deleted his entire dissertation. I was sitting at the next computer to thim in the library (this was a long time ago!) and recovered it for him. It took about 30 seconds and I completely forgot about it until he effusively thanked me at a reunion 10 years later.

Completely randomly last week.
Someone struggled on the bus to get their apple pay to work for a ticket. They were getting more and more flustered. I paid their ticket and it was over.

Later they put a post out on Facebook that they were getting the bus to the train station and were going to miss the train to see their elderly parent who subsequently died within a few hours of getting there and were very thankful

I will forever hold the secret that I paid because I was being rained on, was annoyed by all the faffing and wanted to get home.😳 in fact I had text my partner complaining about the woman holding the bus up, and decided not to mutter because I'm trying to practice being less bitter in public (after a comment by a passerby when I was grumping earlier that day, so maybe it's them that should be responding!)

I am glad I did grit my teeth though because easily it could have been a story about the grumpy lady who tutted at her in her time of need

If you haven’t seen it, this is a great Ted talk about exactly this

The author Douglas Stuart had a difficult childhood. When he was in secondary school he was living in a homeless shelter in Glasgow with others with social problems. His art teachers saw potential in him , and he ended up going to art school and was discovered at his degree show. He says they saved his life. They were invited guests at his book launch and interview in Glasgow cathedral.

Another random thing about karma.

Years ago when I was a student, I was stuck in a bit of a bind, waiting with a patient who had been waiting for transport for hours. One of the higher ups walked past and bought the person a sandwich and drink. I was very impressed, and have tried to remember to be that person. I try to remember to see the bigger picture and always be the touch of humanity when I can so it made a big impression on me

Things also circled back round, in that many years later I was part of a hiring panel that made the decision to hire that person in a new role. She wouldn't remember me because I literally met her that once and was working in a different department

A usually happy colleague seemed a bit off before he went off on annual leave. He just didn't seem himself. His leave came and went and he didn't return to work. I suspected it was due to mental health but didn't know for sure. Most people at my work are very professional and don't tend to joke. Honestly, this man has cheered me up on some of my worst days without even realising it, most jokes totally inappropriate. So, his presence was really missed.

When he returned in general conversation he mentioned he had been off due to his mental health. I explained I had kicked myself for not making sure he was okay the day before he went off, because he just wasn't himself. I let him know how missed he had been. I was just being honest and let him know how happy I was he was better and back to work.

Our department asked us to write positive comments about our colleagues and there was a really lovely one about me, saying I gave this person faith in people. It was all anonymous, but I'm pretty sure it was him.

My sister shared in her MOH speech at my wedding that when she was thinking about applying for uni that I was the reason that she got the courage to go. Apparently back when she was talking herself out of it I had told her “of course you can go. Why wouldn't you be able to? You're just as capable as everyone else that goes.” I remember my remark being very casual but to her it changed her life. She's very successful now.

Mine is back to front - a small thing someone else did.

A chap made a comment at an event my now-DH and I attended back at uni. Specifically, this man was trying to wrap up an event, came over to our table and banged it, saying we should “take this party elsewhere”. This has been a running joke / phrase in our household for a decade now.

DH happened randomly to see this guy last night at a social event, and the guy had no idea who DH was. But we remember him and have been quoting him probably weekly… for ten plus years. So weird. I wonder what impressions I’ve made on people - dread to think!

I was thinking just today about this. Many years ago my children’s school did badly at ofsted and a lot of pressure was put on the young deputy head to make it better (the head was a lot of the problem and left). She became head, did brilliantly, but there was a lot of pressure on her. I was talking with her one day and she was saying that her deputy was pregnant and that she too wanted a family but both couldn’t be on maternity leave at the same time. I remember saying to her that I appreciated all she had done for my children(and others in the school) but I wouldn’t be sharing my grandchildren with her and that she needed to do what was best for her. She resigned shortly after (and later had a child). I was always quite proud of that. Apart from anything else she was a fabulous woman and her genes were far too good to waste!

I leant a book to a friend that I had found interesting. She changed her career path because of it!

I'm a teacher. Students have occasionally told me I've had a real impact on them, which is lovely. I have some cards from past students thanking me. One had quotes of things I'd said in it! Another indirect one is that I got my dd to come into my school to do a talk for the 6th formers about the course she is doing at uni. One of them told me she'd been so inspired by it that she's applying for the same course at the same uni (having never considered studying that subject before).

Someone i was developing at work said id saved her life. At a time when she was incredibly low, i was checking in on her randomly outside of our designated coaching times, asking questions about her, helping her to get to the bottom of issues she was having at work. Going further than i was expected to as part of my job.

I knew she was depressed but i didn't know she was suicidal. As well as checking in i recommended she should look at having counselling which she then did have. She told me later id saved her life because i made her feel valued and cared about at a time that nobody else in her life did.

I left someone some feedback on an online HR system at work to say he’d been really helpful and gone over and above.

A couple of weeks he messaged me to say he’d been off work with a parent’s death, it was his first day back in the office and reading my comments about him had made an exceptionally tough day a little bit more bearable for him. 🥹

I have a few but one was when my son’s school was downgraded by Ofsted. I was phoning school for something else and said to the teacher something along the lines of I imagine you’ll all be feeling very down about that report but I just want to say that I don’t recognise any of the things in that report. I think this school is brilliant and I think the teaching team are amazing. Forgot all about it but a couple of hours later I had a call from the head teacher thanking me for the comments.

Someone from mumsnet told me to play tough during my divorce. It was a really helpful piece of advice I needed more than I realised.

@Anonym00se what a lovely story. One of those rare 'what makes it all worthwhile' moments

I love this story <3

I was living in a city in a corporate type job in my early 20s and was in Tesco with my BF buying something. Something tugged my leg and a toddler looked at me with tearful eyes. I bent down and he muttered 'mummy' and I comforted him and picked him up and went to find staff. The whole interaction took about 2 minutes. But I kept wondering why he came to me when there were people everywhere, maybe I looked like his Mum. I had never been around kids before and never knew how to talk to them. I can't explain it but that boy moved something in me, I remember that night saying to BF that I suddenly knew i wanted to have kids some day. Many years later BF is DH, we have 3 kids and i left the business world and work with children now. I'm sure I would have found my way there eventually but that brief moment in Tesco was some sort of epiphany moment for me.