Paying maintenance directly to the kids!

[Justpeachy88]

Hi, I wonder if anyone else is in this situation and what they did about it?!

My children’s dad doesn’t understand the concept of maintenance, he’s said in the past that as it was my choice to leave the relationship this makes him exempt from paying, then it was that he gets them what they want so I shouldn’t come into it.

We split up over 6 year ago, after 3 years of asking for help with uniforms etc and getting nothing except a one of £200 payment in 2019 I decided to go to CMS. He’s not employed so they told him to pay around £7 per week which has built up since then, he now owes me a couple of grand and it went to court, they gave him a liability order but they can’t do anything else as far as I’m aware
so the debt keeps building.

The problem is he’s gave the kids a bank card and transfers money every so often directly to them. He sent £100 over to them the other day so £50 each, they’re spending it on stuff they don’t need such as computer vouchers and skincare.

I desperately needed it the first couple of years but my income has improved but it would still help. I’m here paying for all of their upbringing alone, buying all uniform, topping up their lunch accounts every week and everything else. Does anyone agree this is ok because he sees absolutely nothing wrong with this as he seems to think it’s fine as it’s going to them, he said I’ll spend it on things that are not for the kids which is rubbish.

That won't count towards his cms.it has to be paid the the receiving parent. So no. It is not OK. It's very nice of him to buy them gifts but really I expect they could do with food etc

Have you been back in touch with CMS and asked them to deduct it from his benefits as he isn't paying it?

It is possible for a paying parent to just send the money direct to the kids, but that has to be agreed by both parties. As you haven’t then yeah it’s nice he sends them money but that is not his maintenance payment.

You are paying for all clothing, all essentials, school stuff, keeping them fed, housed, paying all bills. And he thinks giving them £100 every few years is ok?
What a prince 🙄

He's an idiot, but him chucking a few £ at the kids every now and then doesn't change that fact he isn't paying CSM.
I'm guessing there is zero chance of getting anything via them as you seem to have tried?

It's so unfair, but I'm not sure what can be done until men are forced to take responsibility properly I won't hold my breath

I’ll ask about the benefits thing although I asked if there’s anything else they can do but I doubt it as it’s been going on for a long time. He’s working on the side so not struggling for money but very frustrating as he’s playing the system and I think he’s doing it to spite me as I spent 100s on new uniform this year, I asked if he could just buy their shoes which would be a bit of help, ignored me then sent money to the kids to buy more things they don’t actually need when I struggled to get through that month.

The gift thing is nice for them yes, but they do get everything they need from me as he only sees them once every few months anyway. Another argument is that he shouldn’t pay as he doesn’t see them often (his choice). I also do the travelling when he sees them as he’s had a driving ban, so I’m paying for him to see his kids via petrol. And the clothes I send them with that often don’t get returned which I have to replace!

I think you're going to have to make your peace with not getting money from him. Until the law changes and blokes are forced to cough up there little that will be done.

I'd stop though. All you have to do is make the kids available for contact. You don't have to do the running. You don't have to provide anything for contact, that's on him to keep stuff for them.

sounds like my ex on benefits so £7 a week; doesn’t need to pay it as he owes debts that take “priority” haven’t seen a payment in 2 years, he doesn’t any more but when he was seeing the kids he would send money to my account for them, he bought one a game and sent exactly £29.99 to my account for the game 🤦🏻‍♀️ nothing you can do because i guess it’s seen as “pocket money” for the kids which is separate to cm