Anxiety. Does anyone's present like mine?

[TheWorminLabyrinth]

Hi,

I will try to keep this as short as poss. I've had severe anxiety my whole life. I'm 43 now. I can remember it from as young as 9 yo. I've had long stretches where it's manageable, and stretches where it ruins my life. I'm currently in a difficult stretch. I won't go into the reasons but the last nearly 2 years have been the most difficult time of my life. I thought I was doing OK but in the last 6 months or so, everything seems to have hit at once.

The thing is, my anxiety has never presented in the way you hear and read about. I tend to get this sudden almost dropping sensation in my chest/stomach, like being punched but as if the punch is an instant sensation of OMG PANIC. Then I get physical symptoms. Right now, i'm typing this feeling extremely dizzy and as though I can't see properly. I have to tell myself, it isn't real, it's anxiety. I've developed the inability to fall asleep without this instant SLAM of panic, that makes me sit bolt upright gasping for breath, panicking, thinking I can't breathe properly. It also seems to be linked to hypnic jerks as i'm falling asleep that then trigger the panic. I was prescribed diazepam some years ago but I read the side effects, about supressed breathing, and that panicked me too much to take them. So i've never been back for medication.

Sorry, this has ended up being long. I suppose what i'm asking is has anyone else had anxiety/panic symptoms like mine? and are you taking meds that help? I hear a lot about propranolol but I know it can slow your heartbeat and I 100% know myself well enough to know that if I am prescribed that, I will panic myself to death worrying about the heartbeat thing. Help :-(

Sounds like panic attacks - which are horrible. I have GAD and have been taking therapeutic dose of sertraline (25mg) for years - it just keeps me on a more even level. And had lots of CBT over the years.

Have you ever had any therapy OP? Would you consider any? That sounds like a trauma response to me.

Hi

I would have therapy yes. Not sure what it would do but I would try anything!

Maybe look at vagus nerve stuff and somatic therapies. Could be a sort of dysautonomia

Maybe approach it with a sense that there is stuff going on in your body at a level that doesn't make sense to you but you would like to see if you can alleviate it/work it out. I would also suggest somatics and checking out polyvagal stuff on YouTube or with a therapist. I would probably suggest trying to find an Integrative Therapist as they may be able to approach this with you in different ways. Good luck!

Hi OP I get the stomach drop, earliest memory of it was when I was riding a bike when I was 10 ( difficult child hood) Mine then feels like boiler starting up when the flame kicks in, sometimes I can hear it, like a plane jet engines firing up. It races round my body. A full on attack can leave me like I can’t breath and my throat gets itchy. Sometimes I pant and have to sit up if I’m in bed.

what’s helped MASSIVELY is understanding this is physical energy left over by cortisone. If you’ve had any trauma then you’re prone to high cortisone levels. They naturally peak in the morning to wake us up - so mine can be worse then. But if I’ve had a few days of high stress or even a stressful phone call it can kick it off.

I see it as a physical reaction now and know that it will pass. I even tend say ‘ oh hello ‘ when it spikes and feel/watch the sensations in my body till it goes.

You can’t have a panic attack if you’re chewing/eating. Something to do with your ears and adrenal gland.

Pulling down on the inside of your ear lobes really help.

If I look at it this way it stops me from spiralling, ruminating. I try to stop what I’m doing and acknowledge the physical effect then change what I’m doing at that moment and it really helps.

There are lots of good videos on YouTube to release that energy that’s stuck in your body - it’s really interesting

This is true - dysautonomia can be caused by emotional stress

I often have sort of panic attacks. Most often at night when I am trying to get to sleep and my mind wanders and starts thinking about things like if there was a fire how would we get out then I cant breathe and just panicky. Often the only thing that works is sticking my head out a window or door into the cold night air. Then I have to try and distract myself by doing a sudoku or some sort of puzzle/game in order to calm my mind down and distract it.

I do tend to always think about the worst case scenarios. As someone with a childhood where worst case scenarios did happen, I have to prepare for the worst!

Panic disorder. I have this on top of generalised anxiety disorder.
I take lorazepam and propanolol as required for panic.

Hi OP,

I’m a clinical psychologist, just from the information you’ve given it sounds as though you are describing a panic disorder, which is under the umberella of broader GAD. I see people with the same symptoms all the time, you are not alone!

The recommended treatment for this is a course of CBT alongside some medication to manage the symptoms as they present. It is essential to get therapeutic support to treat this- medication can help to manage the symptoms but it won’t make it go away on its own.

For some people CBT isn’t so helpful- in this instance if it doesn’t work you can be referred to see a psychologist, we integrate various different types of therapy and might spend some more time exploring in depth where it has come from, which can be lots of different things, including trauma as others have mentioned. The intervention would be much more tailored to you as opposed to a generic group setting (for a lot of people the generic group is enough to help, which is why not everyone gets a psychologist immediately). Other posters have spoken about vagus nerve work and this is the sort of thing that might be explored at this stage, so long as if would be helpful based on how you’d made sense of your difficulties with the Psychologist.

As a first step though I would recommend going to your GP and requesting the above. The wait for CBT group shouldn’t be too long, but different areas have different funding so that will impact on your wait time.

Good luck!

I'd suggest you find a somatic therapist who is experienced with trauma. I dealt with trauma in a different way to you, to the point where, in middle age, I realised I was completely alienated from my body. Somatic therapy has been very challenging but a complete revelation. I think it would potentially help you. I suggested it recently to my brother, who suffers with anxiety and depression, which manifests in appalling insomnia, which means he over-exercises to try to tire himself out -- and while he's only begun, he says he's finding it useful.

It may take several sessions for you to see any point in it, though.

Thank you everyone who has responded.

Vittoriosmistress - you have described pretty much how my attacks go!

I am going to have to go to the doctors I think. I am dreading it but I can't carry on like I am.

Remember the doctor has heard this before. I have had panic attacks over the year due to ..my doctor said..overwhelming anxiety. This was all due to circumstances in my life at the time. I experienced them just like you especially the sensation going to sleep which made me avoid sleep as l couldn't face it.
I had CBT which did help a lot and l also found exercise helped me as it took my mind off things, made me tired enough to sleep better and possibly released some of that built up cortisol in my system. Actually it helped most, l would say.
So get help. You are not alone. And my advice with therapy is totally engage, don't hang back. Nothing shocks them as they have heard it all so to really benefit dive right in.
I hope you get the help you deserve as its a horrible stage to be going through..but not without hope.

It is real though. Your body is dumping a load of adrenaline into your body for no reason
Propranolol will stop all of that though.

Absolutely, it will help with the symptoms, but if there's some form of traumatic experience in the OP's past that has triggered lifelong anxiety attacks that manifest like this one, I think it's worth figuring out what and whatever strategies the OP as a child evolved for dealing with it.