Threads in trending compared to those of people in real turmoil

[LonelyTwat]

I post in mental health sometimes about the terrible suffering I'm going through as do many many others, and I might get one or two replies.

I then see some of the threads that end up trending and it makes me feel even worse. Yes some of those threads are about people needing real help but many aren't.

I don't know. I'm probably being unreasonable and feeling enormous self pity. There is no real help for people like me.

I wonder if it's because in the face of great suffering/despair, people feel overwhelmed and unable to think of a way to help?

So personally, I go on mumsnet for the silly/gossipy/funny threads (AIBU, chat etc) and not for the serious ones. I am looking for a 5 minute escape from my life, not to get drawn into someone else’s. Just to give you a reply, I assume a lot of others are too.
So sorry you are in such a shitty situation OP 😢

I think people reply to what they feel they can help with (or judge about!) ~ If it's one small problem lots of people have ideas on how to tackle it. If it's a systemic huge issue, it's hard to suggest where to begin x

You might be better off calling a dedicated mental health helpline where people can listen.
mumsnet is not the place for those genuinely in desperate need of immediate help.

Yes, I’m the same - MN for me is about entertainment.

I don’t feel qualified to help with anything serious or emotional. I have enough going on in my own life.

I wouldn't check out Mentdl Health section at all really.No helpful advice and it makes me feel so sad for people . Could anyone have made a difference to you? Most people would only be able to say talk to a GP or counsellor.

Sorry you are experiencing mental health issues.

I think that I come on for some generally lighthearted conversation or participate in threads where I have personal experience... so heart attack, kids at uni, house being cluttered etc.
I have no personal experience of mental health issues so am always a bit wary of adding anything to the conversation - it is a very sensitive issue.

Lots of people will also just go to boards like Chat or AIBU or the specific topic they’re interested in. If they don’t use Active threads they may not even see threads posted in the other boards that they don’t use.

I’m sorry you are struggling and hope you are able to get the help you need.

I think this is the explanation OP. I’m not sure whether it will make you feel better, but I don’t think many go onto MN thinking ‘how can I help others?’, although when threads pop up that move people that’s when they’ll engage and try to help. I’m sorry you’re suffering, it’s not that nobody cares but maybe this isn’t the best place to seek specific support?

Some of the posts are worded in a way that makes people think they have nothing to contribute or it would take someone with a very niche knowledge base to make a contribution. It’s difficult to chime in with something helpful when the only thing you can think of is that sounds awful.

But Mn isn’t a help forum, or a resource for people struggle with their MH. So obviously what is ‘trending’ is as likely to be about a godawful MIL, a bizarre baby name or a discussion of dress codes for the ROH as anything else.

Afraid I am in the same boat. I am still recovering from the pandemic when I basically became an emotional support animal for the whole family. Now I am drained and come here for fun.
Samaritans or Mind helpline might be more useful.

Also I almost never comment on MH forum because I am not qualified to help someone with agoraphobia, for instance. Try posting in other forums?

Oh god is the ROH thread still chundering on! Sorry OP, I do get your point but mental health is such a sensitive area and most posters won't have any particular insight beyond 'you poor thing, can you reach out to friends' etc.

Those type of responses risk offending the poster who thinks 'well it isn't that bloody simple'. Sorry for your troubles and I hope you have support.

I went through hell in my 30s & I’m sorry, but that’s one reason I don’t read most mental health threads now. I don’t want to be reminded of that time.

I very much doubt I’m the only one.

There aren't many people who are just loitering on MN who are skilled or experienced enough to help people in a mental health crisis in a useful manner.

Worse, I think, are people who have-a-go at helping in a well intentioned but piss poor way and risk exacerbating the problem by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

So there will be an abundance of people passing the time, knowing that there isn't so much at stake that they can say the wrong thing during a bun fight and still cheerfully walk away when they've finished their sandwich. But not so many who could pick up a responsibility like helping someone with a mental health crisis.

If you have serious MH issues, you need specialist help, not MN. If people have no experience of mental illness, they will not feel able to help and worse, if they do give advice, it may be unintentionally harmful.

Please find proper support. MIND is a great resource. I know that NHS services are sparse. Most large towns will have a MIND presence. You can find them here: https://www.mind.org.uk/

I've been there, it's hard. You've managed to come on here to share, which is great, it's just that a more appropriate resource would serve you better.

So sorry you're having a rough time. 💐I'd love to help but I don't have the first clue how to.

There is help out there ... it's just ... not us.

This is me too. I had a horrible year with PND, I absolutely fell apart and had to move back in with my parents. I'm absolutely fine now and while I'm not embarrassed or anything like that, I just don't like to go back to that dark place.

For what it's worth, anti depressants were the main 'cure' in my case.

For most of us, we have no personal experience or professional training that would allow us to give helpful advice to someone suffering with mental health problems. At best our input would be pointless, and it might even be harmful - sometimes the kindest thing is to recognise you have nothing to offer and stick to threads about biscuits and books.

I know. But it feels like no-one cares. I'm waiting for a Dr call back. But it'll just be the same ....take these pills and bugger off.

Ha. No worries.

Most people probably don't see the threads in the first place. I don't.

As someone on another thread put it -

“We aren’t a group, we’re a bunch of arseholes”

that was in a different context ofc but applies here too

and feck it sometimes someone acting the maggot is handy for breaking tension into laughter and giving a brief respite from the shitshow we are in - you’ve tried doing that yourself just now (while I’m writing an essay)

I have had enormous support under a different name and try under this one to pass that on (as well as justified shaking an angry fist at the world a lot!)

but I am still recovering from awful abuse and can be badly debilitated just coping with that without taking up responsibility for being a support to others

the best I can suggest is find as many sources of support as possible, big and small, ones you can do yourself eg online cbt, meditation or whatever as well as ones reliant on others like MIND, your dr, friends, family etc

spread the load about sort of thing and keep adding new sources or self-help tools

it’s fucking pissy to have to acknowledge but recovery takes time and nearly always more than one ‘fix’ from more than one place

tbf you are getting replies here and MN has pinned links to resources and often pops onto threads where ppl might not have posted a reply on but who have read and reported as perhaps needing MNHQ to offer direct sign-posting on

it is v frustrating to be desperate for help and for the type of help we want to not be available, part of recovering is finding the tiny nuggets of help where you can, squirrelling them away if not immediately useful and remembering where you stored each one to go back to when it will be of more use

maybe MN is not the best place for the help you need right now but it could be after you get more focused real life help so don’t write it off completely 💐

People do care. Sorry you’re in the situation. Can you find support through a charity or another organisation. GPs are quick to medicate. It’s cheap and easy. Have you asked for alternatives.

Things that have helped me:
exercise
eating well
no upf
no alcohol
get bloods check for iron and vitamin deficiency
supplements

Join groups on face book with similar issues and find out what is working for other people.

Other than that I’m no expert. Hope you can find something that works for you.

Your user name suggests you feel lonely, that's a really common issue and loads of MNers are in a similar situation. I think there are quite a few long threads about it, or if you're brave you could start your own?