10 year old faffing

[drivingmeoffmybroom]

Please can someone sympathise with me? My 10 year old DD is such a faffer. I ask her to get her clothes off ready for a shower and 15 minutes later she's still stood there, fully dressed, just looking at herself in the mirror. She takes about 10 minutes to get shoes on. If asked to brush her teeth you can ask her 5 times and will find her sat on her bed faffing around with something.
Any tips on getting tweenagers to hurry the hell up?! Just had a go at her because she sat looking in the mirror posing for 5 minutes instead of putting her hair in a pony like I'd asked her to.

Bed time takes 4 times longer than it should because instead of just taking her clothes off, getting in the shower and brushing her teeth she'll spend at least 40 minutes doing something she shouldn't be. I just dream for the day I ask her once and she just does it straight away. It's holding up my other kids shower and bed routine because she's taking so long to do anything.

Do you let her experience the natural consequences of her faffing? Is she bothered?

Do you think she's incapable of focussing (possible ND) or just can't be bothered to do what's she's asked?

The consequence of faffing at bedtime is she gets to stay up late, doesn't have to have a shower and doesn't brush her teeth. Everything she'd love!!!
I've tried setting a timer a few times, but she's 10 and I think she should just do it when asked.
We have a huge huge problem with her preening and posing in front of the mirror. She spends bloody ages in front of it every day.

I was that ten year old faffer. My poor mum used to just moan and moan until i did what i was suposed to do.
I am no longer a faffer. Now at middle age, and having had my own children, i can see what an absolute pain it is.,

Ps, i think the only way you can get them to hurry up, is to keep on nagging and reminding them of the consequences of their faffing.

I have faffeers. Both have executive function issues.

We have an "exit mode" for if they're partially ready. That's things like shoes, coats, scout neckers.

Counting down until exit. Not giving too much time to be able to drift. We work through the house from upstairs to the front door to reduce moving through the house and geting distracted.

I just feel like I have to stand right next to her to ensure it's done straight away. I've just asked her to get into bed to do her reading and on the way she's wandered into 2 rooms she doesn't need to go into, rolled around on the floor, ran around with a towel on her head and then grabbed her brothers ankles so he can't move because she thinks it's funny. It's so bloody frustrating. And no, she's not neuro-diverse. She's just easily distracted!

I have a faffer. He is famous for it. I can’t change him so I just build time in.
Funnily enough now he’s at high school and has to get himself to school by himself he is obsessed with not being late and seems to manage much better on days that I’m not there.

He will still go upstairs having been told to brush his teeth at bedtime and I’ll find him 20 minutes later reading a magazine or playing with the dog.

Take the mirror away

Agree!!!

And can you start making her go to bed earlier and earlier as a consequence rather than skipping shower and staying up late??

Is it possible to take away to mirror?

The mirrors are all part of wardrobe doors so can't take them away. I'm going to try starting bedtime at 6pm so she can faff as much as she likes and still be in bed by 8. The only problem is when she does after school clubs til 7pm she's up messing around way past bed time.

Wait until she's 14! 30 mins to undress, 20 mins faffing in shower, 30 mins to reappear.

Read up on the teenage brain - invaluable information on how there is an explanation for faffing, mood swings etc etc

No solutions, just solidarity from the mum of a fellow tween faffer!
I’ve started letting her ‘fail’ where possible and experience the consequences of her actions and we have made some progress - homework is now done the minute she receives it after getting in (a very small amount of) trouble at school
Her chores list is completed more often than not after realising I was serious when I said pocket money would be withheld if they weren’t done (and I followed through)
She also takes much better care of things after losing a couple of items that are precious to her and I refused to replace them
Can’t find consequences for bedtime or pre-school faffing however, so those persist!

When DS faffed at bedtime we made him go up 45 minutes early to get ready, teeth clean etc. Only if he had everything done could he go back on a screen or watch TV. He soon learned.