Suggestions for gift for bittersweet occasion, please?

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My dad is terminally ill and it's my parents wedding anniversary soon; it will be their last one before we lose my dad. I can't actually believe I'm even writing this but here we are.

We (siblings) always mark their anniversary with a gift from us all. We're at a loss as to what to do for this one, though. A meal or a weekend away isn't possible anymore; my dad isn't well enough to do very much. So it likely needs to be a physical "thing". We're struggling to think of something as it's all just so bloody painful and awful.

Would be grateful for any suggestions - thank you.

So sorry for your situation OP. I just read your op and whilst I didn't have any specific gift suggestions I wondered if you (or your father) have ever read A Beginners Guide to Dying by Simon Boas? I coincidentally read it this weekend (it's a very small book and took me a couple of hours in an armchair) and it's incredible, helpful and uplifting for those in your shoes (and possibly your father's). Simon Boas died in June aged 46 and spend my the last few weeks compiling his thoughts into a funny and lovely book.

In the gift side, does your father drink / is he able to? If so then a special bottle or crate of a special vintage might be nice?

*spent the

Sorry for typos as writing quickly

So sorry to read that you are all going through this .

If you have them how about a lovely photo, either of the two of them or all of you together . A snap that you could have restored, enlarged and framed.

My dad had one of us all, with my mum , taken in happier days, and I noticed he moved it to a place of prominence after she died . it clearly meant a lot to him to remember us as a family.

Photo book? We love them. Pick a theme like 'family holidays' or 'growing up'.

So sorry to hear what your family is going through op.

Might be totally off, but how about a private chef to come over and cook for you all at home? Apologies if that's a terrible idea or not appropriate for your dad at the moment

Could you do something special at the house like hire a private chef for an evening?

Do they have any wedding photos on display or any really old holiday photos of the whole family? You could get a canvas made or a photobook - even a digital display. It's time consuming but may be of comfort in time to come.

I lost my Dad last year, I know the horror of this time. Sending best wishes.

What about photo album or photo book detailing their courtship, marriage, family life, you children growing up, important moments, holidays etc.
You could even ask them and your siblings for funny stories or special memories to go alongside.

Get a nice photo of either you and your siblings together, or your parents together. Get a nice large print done and put it in a nice frame.

My mum did both of these for her mum, who had terminal leukemia, for her parents wedding anniversary. There's one nice photo of the 3 sisters with their parents, and a lovely one of her mum and dad together, holding a lovely big basket of flowers. She passed away a couple of months later, and they all said that the wedding anniversary was one of her last "good" days.

My mum still has the photo of her parents and the flowers on prominent display in her house to this day.

Thats very tricky. It is something your mum will be keeping once your dad passes away, and it should be something that puts a smile on their faces.

My dad really enjoyed watching some of the old Ealing comedy films when he was too unwell to enjoy anything else. I gave him a box set of dvds and he watched several of them before he died.

So maybe not something too emotional or maudlin - but something that picks up a memory of happy times? Each sibling could pick something and put it in a joint gift.

An album of photos is also still a lovely gift to pull together. I absolutely loved going through all my mums photos after she died, and I wish she had been there to tell me about them, all over again. I wish I had recorded her voice more, so I could still hear her.

The most precious gift you can give yourself and your parents is your time. Spend time with them. That would be the sweetest gift you could give them, in my opinion.

I think the photobook ideas are lovely.

Alongside that, what about some kind of tree/plant for their garden? Something that could represent their marriage and that you can all watch continue to grow after your dad has sadly passed?

Sorry that you’re all going through this 💐.

If he’s up to it could you all get together at the same time and have a light afternoon tea and a good old remember when…chat. I’m saying afternoon tea type thing in case he’s not really eating so he’s not put off with the smell/volumes of food. Get one of those picture frames that shows the pics as a slideshow, upload lots so it can sit at his bedside so you’re all next to him whenever he looks?

I framed a lovely recent photo of my mum and dad as a gift, and after my mum died it was one of my Dads favourite possessions - he had some hospital stays and he used to bring it in with him, i have it now.

Plant a tree?

What about a digital photo frame? Load it up with lots of photos of your family through the years.

Your dad can watch them even if he can't get out of bed and your mum has the memories to watch when he's gone.

Is it possible for you and your siblings to take your mum and dad on a pilgrimage to where they married?

My parents did this and it was so special for them. They walked around the church on their own and then sat in the church yard remembering their wedding day from start to finish.

Can you record videos together talking about your favourite moments as a family and some funny "remember that time" anecdotes of them as a couple, or from your childhoods? That way he has you with him all the time and can listen if he's too tired to watch.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

The photo book ideas are great.

Each year of marriage has a traditional gift, paper, etc.

Maybe you could do something like this:
1: paper representing first year of marriage e.g. newspaper of their wedding day.

Then 2: the milestone they reached, so for example, if they reached pearl, a set of mother of pear teaspoons for example, plus a 'date night' watching girl with a pearl earring or something, then 3: the gift for the 34th anniversary is the photo book.

Is he at home or not? If at home, what about a special rose - lots of lovely named roses available.
Is the wedding anniversary a particularly notable one, eg 60, 65 years etc? If so, you can apply for a card from the King, delivered by the local Lord Lieutenant (or not, if you/they prefer). Would make it extra special. Apply via the Lord Lieutenant's website.

I'm sorry you and your family are in this position. How about a lovely photograph album of their marriage / events / special memories etc? They could go through it together and it would be a keepsake for your mum.

I'm so terribly sorry OP, sending love. I agree with all the photo suggestions. I expect there's a million and one ideas out there these days to present a lovely photo of the whole family (or maybe just him and your mum) which was taken at a particularly nice time. That way your mum can continue to cherish it. Take care.

Is he well enough for you all to visit together and take "afternoon tea" or similar? Take some pictures, give them the photo album from the day?

At this stage "stuff" is irrelevant, its just about enjoying the time together.

Thank you so much, everyone - been chatting to my siblings and we've chosen a lovely happy photo of our parents and we'll get a nice frame for it. Would love to do a photo book but I don't think we have time to choose photos and have it printed/delivered etc.

The afternoon tea at home is a possibility - I think he'd quite like the idea of us all gathered round him for a little picnic! Will see how he is in the next few days.

I'm so sorry that many of you have been through similar

Could you and your siblings recreate a childhood photo of you, trying to source approximate matches for clothing, accessories and location, and mimic your poses/facial expressions and frame a "then and now" double photo? A friend's grown-up children made her a whole book of them and they're very sweet and funny. Sentimental but not sad.

Ah, apologies, you've already chosen a lovely idea. I started typing ages ago, wandered off, and didn't spot your update before finishing typing!