Are all people selfish at their core but pretend otherwise?

[ThisSereneHiker]

I have dyslexia, and today I found out that some of my colleagues are upset with me because they find my notes hard to understand. They’ve even been making comments that feel insulting, questioning my intelligence, and are trying to report me to management for incompetence.

I haven’t shared my condition with them, but I’m fairly certain they suspect. What really disappoints me is that these colleagues claim to be ‘woke’ and are active in charity events, yet somehow can’t extend any of that compassion or understanding toward me.

My mum suggested it might be because they feel my condition affects their work, unlike the situations of people they support, like someone living with AIDS in Africa.

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. They sound mean and unhelpful, possibly bullying if they are not making the comments constructively.

I think everyone has the capacity for good and evil and for both selfishness and altruism.

@ThisSereneHiker , I believe there are good people but they don’t tend to advertise the fact unlike the ‘woke’ who proudly proclaim their caring credentials. There are plenty of woke commentators on Mumsnet who are very far from kind when it suits them.
Have you tried speaking to your colleagues, you can’t really be annoyed with them for not making allowances for a disability they may not be aware you have and obviously they feel is affecting them. If that doesn’t work you need to speak to a manager or HR.

Honestly? Yes, I think most people are fairly selfish. It’s easy to support things when your life is not affected by them.

However, they don’t know that you have dyslexia - they just find your notes difficult to understand. This is where a manager earns their crust - they need to make reasonable adjustments for you but not make it that your colleagues’ lives are made far more difficult.

Without knowing what your job is, I would find it difficult to comment on that further. I will say that if you are midwives (or some other job where you need to make important decisions at short notice), hard to understand notes are dangerous.

If they don't know you're dyslexic then they can't be expected to understand / support you.

If you haven't disclosed it to work and it's impacting your job - and how other people are able to work, then I would be expecting things to be questioned. If your notes are poor to the point people are unable to understand it or use them to complete work they need to, people aren't going to be happy about it and reporting it to management would make sense.

I do believe most people are selfish and in a way it’s normal to put yourself first.

But re your colleagues they may have been kinder if they had understood you are dyslexic so probably a good idea to mention it.

Are all people selfish at their core but pretend otherwise?

If all people were selfish at their core that would include you too so, no, all people are not selfish at their core, although I do think it is a human trait to prioritise the wellbeing of our loved ones so perhaps that could been seen as selfish.

Be careful of falling into black and white modes of thought. You need your colleagues to understand your notes and they need to understand them. You all share the same goal. Your manager's job is to help you all find a way of doing this. This is a fixable problem.

Yes, people are innately selfish.

I don’t think that’s selfish; it’s lacking compassion. However, if it’s making their own jobs more difficult it is understandable that they would be frustrated - particularly if they are unaware of your disability.

Where management can step in is to ensure you have the tools (reasonable adjustments - like software to help with your notes) so your disability doesn’t impact your ability to do your job - and to tell your colleagues to step back and be more flexible.

Most people aren’t unkind, they are merely trudging through their life’s struggles as you trudge through yours. A step back, a bit of context and some understanding on both sides makes a world of difference.

I worked with a man years ago who was the team leader for certain work. He drove all of us crazy. Refused to send emails, insisted we call clients when an email was more appropriate, wouldn't review work before we sent it to clients etc.

It turned out he was dyslexic.

BUT... because he didn't tell us, all we knew was that he was a nightmare to work for and with. Once it came out, and arrangements were made, things were much better. But I won't be blamed for finding working with him hard when he didn't disclose that he had a disability. He made our lives HELL.

If you haven't made it known that you're dyslexic, then it's not selfish. I've worked with poor note takers before, and honestly it's a raging nightmare trying to decipher what was written.

I'm sure they'd have more compassion if they knew, BUT if this is a major part of your job, then you do need to take control over it. Explain, to begin with. Do you note take on paper? Can you use a laptop instead? Can you record meetings and then type up minutes, using spell-check?

People can't be expected to be nice and understanding about something they've got no information about, especially if it's making their work day harder. I have ADHD, I do disclose it, but I'm also the one responsible for it. I'm extremely organised, I've taught myself how to be because if I want this career, then I have to make it work. No one else can do that for me. I think a meeting with management where you present some solutions would be apt.