Everyone is staring at me when I go out .. or at least that's how it feels

[Zebralegs90]

I'm not diagnosed with anything. For the last few years I feel like everyone is staring at me when I go out eg supermarket, shopping etc. I don't have any distinguishing features, I don't have any exaggerated styles eg hair/clothes/makeup. I am very plain looking. Admittedly I generally look like crap these days as I cannot be bothered to make an effort, but this is crap imo not that I am dirty or dressed in rags. I have brushed my hair etc I am just not full face makeup and my decent clothes. I am usually in joggers and trainers, whereas in years gone by I would be in much smarter clothes.

I specially feel like I am being stared at in supermarkets but also sometimes in other shops too.

When I am driving and passing people walking in the same direction as I am travelling, they specifically turn around to stare at me as I drive past. These are people walking along the street, lots of cars passing by yet as I go past they suddenly turn around to stare. I have an average car, nothing flashy or unusual. I don't blast loud music out of the car, I don't have one of those noisy exhausts. I am never speeding or driving dangerously or doing any activity to draw attention to myself.

I once drove past an old boyfriend who was standing on a bridge looking over the water below. I didn't want him to see me as he had been violent and would potentially damage my car (I had a new car from when he last knew me). Anyhow, as I drove past, he suddenly turned around and saw me. Why did he turn around at that specific point ? it just supports my theory that people are staring at me.

I am 43.

Have I got mental health issues ?

@Zebralegs90 No one is looking at you.
It sounds like mental health issue, like paranoia.

People really aren’t interested in other people- unless someone is extremely “outstanding “ in some way.

There used to be a very tall large man who dressed in women’s clothes and very faked wigs , charging down the road with massive strides- people glanced and thought “ there’s so and do again “ but no one stared, and he loved attention!
( was known locally)

If someone is “ordinary “ looking, they escape attention.

As a teenager I had to carry a scythe for miles to a relative’s garden to cut the long grass- That DID attract attention as normally teenaged girls don’t carry scythes along the lanes ( rural). But had I not been carrying that tool, no one would have noticed.

I really feel for you OP. Anyone can have points in their lives where they struggle psychologically but there is support out there and what you describe isn't that unusual.

If someone looks at you what does it mean to you @Zebralegs90? Does it mean they are judging you for example? That you're at risk from them? As others have said if what is going through your mind is that others always stare at you then you will be being hyper-vigilant for glances your way and then be making an extreme interpretation of the timing, deliberateness and intensity of glances (and setting aside all the many people who didn't glance your way who would disprove the thought that everyone stares at you). It's then a vicious circle of vigilance, evidence gathering for the thought that everyone stares at you, misinterpretation, rumination and physical discomfort and behaviour which feels like it brings comfort or safety but actually keeps the anxiety going (for example not leaving the house, trying to be nondescript, looking away).

What you describe could really be helped by CBT to help you examine some of the thoughts, images, beliefs, assumptions, interpretations and what you do to manage them. And to examine what is so bad if someone does stare at you.

Your GP can refer you or you can self refer to your local talking therapies service or if you can go the private route then you can look on the BABCP CBT register for a BABCP accredited CBT therapist (wherever you find a CBT therapist they must be BABCP accredited).

There are some very long waiting lists in some areas but it's worth pursuing. Either of those two routes you would have an assessment to check what's the most appropriate support for you once they have a fuller picture of you.

I really hope you can get some good support to to move past this difficulty.

I felt like this during menopause and it eventually turned into very severe life changing anxiety. Please see your doctor.

Do you live in Somerset? When I went on holiday there I definitely got stared at by some people. This doesn't happen elsewhere though.

That last comment made me properly lol

When I was unemployed I rarely went out and it got worse when I reckoned people were staring -though why they would I have no idea!

I just had a word with myself one day and stopped it.

I think people do look at each other and make eye contact. I know I’ve experienced similar, but it’s not everyone I encounter, just a few randoms each day.
If someone knows you they are more likely to notice you and you maybe more attractive than you give yourself credit for.

What I will say is, I once had an episode of psychosis and I felt EVERYONE was looking at me, but also like they were talking about me. So it’s definitely something to consider that it could be something more.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been stared at in Surrey.

Could be paranoia, but normally people feel scared and a sense of impending doom with it.

When i had post partum psychosis I was paranoid to leave my bedroom, thought my inlaws were planning to hurt me, was afraid to take baby out unarmed, even lost trust in husband. Luckily it only lasted 2 weeks though had to take meds for a year.

Try changing your clothes/hair and see if any different when you're dressed smartly?