Those who told their kids to hit back, what age did you do this?

[Kibble29]

Wondering what age your child was when you first told them to hit back if anyone hits them?

Was it in response to them being hurt, or did you get ahead of that and make sure they know in advance of any possible incidents?

I have told mine to hit back, but never start it.
I guess from when they were maybe 4/5.

schools are ineffectual in dealing with bullies, and you can’t always find an adult that is willing to support you.

and yes it was in response to being repeatedly pushed by another child. Once he was pushed back it stopped

Same, never throw the first punch, always the last one

We never told ourselves to hit back. But then 5yo DD hit the boy who was pulling her hair and he never bothered her again. (She didn't get in trouble either from the school as the TA had seen it but hadn't been able to stop it quick enough)

It wasn't age dependent, it was after the school failed to act when we tried to address it by other means.

Agree with all of you, I will never give the “walk away and tell an adult” speech.

They hit you, hit them harder. It’s simple and from what I’ve read, it’s bloody effective.

I told my oldest DS that he could hit back with a child who made him miserable for years. DS is the mildest, gentlest child ever but did train in martial arts as a way of improving his core etc and mitigating the symptoms of his severe Dyspraxia. He always said he could never hit the other child. Said child followed him to high school and tried to continue the controlling, obnoxious behaviour that my DS had had to put up with for 8 years when, in year 8, my DS snapped and laid into the other child. My DS did not face any consequences at school because they had seen their interactions since the start of year 7 and, basically, the other child deserved it. When I was picking his sister up at school the next day I told DS' year 5 teacher and TA what had happened, one cheered and the other said 'finally!' He hasn't really bothered him since.

So the school saw the behaviour over a long period of time. Did they do much to help, or just wait for your son to hit the boy? 😂

My dd suffered some mild bullying in Reception from another girl. She would poke her, shove sticks in her face, one missed her eye by millimeters.

Dd was told that she must never start the fight but she had better well finish it. Her HT happens to be a friend of mine and is fully aware of my stance. She doesn't officially agree but I think she understands where I am coming from.

She is 11 now and she is still told that if I catch her starting the issues she won't sit for a week but she has my full support to finish it.

12 - after several weeks of bullying and the school failing to stop it.
It worked and he wasn't bullied after he hit back.

I am glad I am not alone in thinking this. I told my own children this and recently hold my 5 yr old granddaughter..if someone pushes or hits you tell them you do not like it but if they do it again push back hard. My daughter was bullied and I eventually had to move her to another primary school. One girl there started picking on her so I told her next time she starts picking on you, shout really loudly back into her face. She did that and the girl left her alone. She was happy for the rest of her time there.

I actually don’t think there is much schools can do if the parents of the bully aren’t on board, and often they are unable to see their child has done any wrong. The hoops the school have to go through to expel or suspend a child are quite many, and require evidence.

I was never told this when I was young but a common thing here is that parents would say “if they hit you, and you don’t do anything, I’ll hit you harder”.

Obviously that’s very outdated as many countries now bam smacking your kid, but it was very normal in the early 2000s to hear.

Yep hit back twice as hard and the very first time they try anything.

Unfortunately drummed into my nice gentle boys because they’re the ones who attracts these assholes.

nobody bothers either of them a second time but it’s depressing I have to even do this

You hear this so often. That’s why I can’t get on board with letting the school handle it. It’s very often a non starter.

I’d rather deal with it myself.

It's hard because the child was never really violent with my child but he was a very oppressive presence around him, if you see what I mean? So he would hug my DS even though my DS didn't want him to, he had no real sense of my DS' personal space and was often too close. Objectively I'd say there was no physical bullying, in fact the intensity came from the other child being almost obsessed by my son, wanting to be his best friend and for him to have no other friends etc. Both schools did their best to support DS but the other child just wasn't interested in respecting boundaries etc. There was a common feeling that the only thing the other child would understand is if my DS lashed out, which he eventually did. None of us were comfortable with the response, and I can't see him ever doing it again, but it worked in this case.

8, and I wish I'd done it sooner.

Yeah it's sad but this is the only tactic that works

otherwise they'll walk all over you

They knew that hitting back was ok from school age.

I expected them to try and not physically react when somebody accidentally bumps into them though. I know that you don’t always know if it’s an accident but they do happen and if they were the accidental bumper then they’d hope for some understanding too.