Can't do this anymore

[GiveMeTheFormula]

It was my birthday earlier this week and I spent most of the day in tears because I hate the way my life has turned out. I've done everything I could possibly think of but nothing has changed. I was made redundant a few months ago and still not found anything despite me applying for around 200 jobs, having my CV reviewed multiple times, meeting with an employment support officer to assist with job searching, attending weekly job centre meetings, contacting recruitment agencies etc. I still live at home and I feel like an absolute waste of space.

To make matters worse I was dumped yesterday. The guy was very lovely and ticked all of my boxes which made things feel worse.

I feel like I don't want to be here anymore, I hate my life and I've got nothing to show for it and nothing to contribute to anyone.

Hello. I'm sorry your having such a horrible time.

Sorry life is a bit rough right now, but when you look back in 10, 20, 30 years this will be no more than a hiccup.

While you are job searching, could you gain some additional qualifications and/or volunteer to boost your CV?

Everything feels worse at night. I'm so sorry you are feeling hopeless but please try to hang on and realise that at another time, you will feel different

I've been looking into additional qualifications but the one I need to do is around £500 which I can't afford right now. I've also applied for voluntary work but I'm not hearing back from them either. I feel useless and stuck.

Thank you x

Dont worry, this rubbish time won’t last OP. Sounds trite and I wish I could put it more eloquently but it will be better. Being dumped is horrible. Look after yourself and give yourself the same kindness and grace you’d give someone else you knew was struggling. 💐

Deep breath OP. You'll get through this. Have a long hot soak in the bath. Try to get up and outside for a long walk this weekend if you can. If you're close to the coast, maybe a long solitary and bracing beach walk? I find focusing on small pleasures and trying to block out the big picture helps at times like this.

Happy belated birthday OP! I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard time recently. It’s not a reflection of you and please be kind to yourself. x

Thank you all x

As the saying goes, it's always darkest before the dawn.

It's horrible and lonely being awake in the early hours and everything seems so much worse. I know this sounds impossible, but, honestly, where you are right now is such a huge opportunity for you in every sense. A chance to literally change your life.

You will get a new job and you will find a new partner, but when the time is right. And both will be life changing.

Happy belated birthday!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Rough patches happen and we do get through them. As they are happening it is difficult to see beyond the feelings sometimes.

When I am going through a tough time I tell myself "what is this possibly setting me up for down the road"? Few days time, few weeks time, months time. It seems to help me not sit and wallow ~ which I know I can do very easily.
Possibly the right fit for a job just hasn't opened yet. When it does maybe it will be at just the perfect time and have amazing pay, benefits etc.
Possibly the gentlemen breaking up with you actually saved you from tons of heartbreak down the road.

Your life is yours. Take care of you first! Please don't put yourself down for feeling like you need to contribute to other peoples lives. They need to take care of themselves as well. It is their responsibility not yours.

Again, I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

This sprang to mind. Work and men are a minor part in life. Listen to a good podcast, crunch some leaves and for the love of god, don’t watch the news!

Sorry you're having a rough time. But these things don't last forever. Being dumped feels awful in the moment but the pain will lessen. Take this time to focus on you and a potential new start.

Thank you for your kind words everyone. I've not slept much and I'm still feeling pretty awful. I just wish things would change now

Things will change.
I've gone through these low points and supported many friends through similar.
It's shit when you go through it but keep going.
Get up today and do a few things.
Meet a friend
Visit family
Go out for a walk and have a think about what you want to do this week.
Cook something nice for yourself
Listen to a motivating or healing podcast

Speaking of qualifications. There are courses you can do for free if you are unemployed https://freecoursesinengland.co.uk/unemployed/

Lots of charities are looking for volunteers so don't get discouraged if the ones you applied for have not got back to you.

Where I am (SE) charity shops are always looking for retail volunteers and so do local food banks, community gardening projects and so on. So maybe focus on something local.

I am sure things will improve. This time of the year when it is getting cold and grey all the time also does impact our moods I think so take good care of yourself.

Thank you for the link. Unfortunately, funding isn't available in my area so I'll try to find something similar. I'll have a look again at volunteering as I'd love to work with animals

Thank you. I haven't yet got our of bed as I'm finding it too difficult but I'll try and make some plans for today

Local dog homes are always looking for people to do dog walking as dogs need exercise. Cats also need playing with if they have cats too. Animals are great therapy and give so much back in terms of love and enthusiasm (particularly the dogs).
Look at Borrow My Doggy as well.

I don't know what to suggest regarding jobs as it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Could you possibly consider care work as care agencies and homes are always looking for staff? It could just be temporary part time until you've found another job that's more suitable for you. They give free training.

A lot of people feel hopeless at times in their lives.

But getting up and doing something is a distraction at least.

You say you live at home, so could you go through the motions and do something at home today.

Deep clean the kitchen with the radio on, clean the windows, vacuum the stairs.

Plan and cook a Sunday dinner for everyone.
Get a board game out.
Pick up a book you have been meaning to read.

Don't let ex boyfriend steal another day from you. He won't care if you are wallowing.

Does your mum, or dad, or both like a bit of pampering? Can you get a face mask? Foot bath? Watch a film together?

The things about your life which jump out, you have a family, home. These give you some breathing space. Can you talk to them? Your parent(s) have life experience can you ask their advice?

Shops, garden centres, restaurants, some will be looking for seasonal staff, could you do something temporarily whilst you look for other things?

Is there a local dog walker who might need additional help or cat sitters?

Have you put a post "looking for work" on a local Facebook site?

It will be ok OP. Everything passes, everything changes.

You can consider jobs further away now you've no ties keeping you in this area. No rental contract or mortgage, no partner, no DC. You're totally free.

You're not useless. It's society makes you feel that way because it's so centered around work and the status of monetary purchases like houses. One of the first things asked of new people is "what do you do?", as if your job defines you, I always hated that. Judged for what I did and not for who I was. I worked for a wage, that's it. My job was never "me". There's also the undercurrent running through society that those who don't work are somehow less-than than those who do, it's toxic. Don't judge yourself by such harsh, untrue and unfair standards.

This period is a chance to define to yourself who you are, as a person, unconnected to work or a partner.

Getting a job, it's like praise really, being told that out of all applicants you're the best. How often does that happen at work though, being praised in some way? Not often for most, I expect. So if you make "looking for a job" your job at the moment, the knockbacks don't matter, they're just part of ordinary working life, just another day you don't get praised at all for all the work you've done.