To talk with mum or not about this issue

[jollyjollyme]

I just wanted some other perspectives.
I don't really get along with my sister. We've never been close since we were young children. We are civil at family events but rarely speak to one another outside of these events. We are extremely different people, she's very outgoing and I am very introverted. She's also incredibly demanding on my parents and expects an awful lot from them which I do have concerns with as they elderly now.
We both have one child each and are both married.
I've noticed lately that my mum lies about when she is with her as if she wants me to not know she is seeing her so much.
We all live quite locally to each other but my mum will see my sister about 4 times a week and me probably once every 2-3 weeks which is fine and not an issue for me. I don't really want to be on top of each other anyway.
However, I've caught my mum out a few times lately. She says she is 'shopping by herself' but then someone I knew saw her with my sister and son. She went to an event recently 'with a friend' turns out was my sister. Said she was staying in and then actually was at my sister's with my dad having dinner. There are lots of examples like this.
It's starting to get to me because I don't like being lied to... would you confront this or just leave it?

I'd leave it but ask yourself why she lies.

I suspect the answer is she knows how you feel about your sister and their relationship...

She's also incredibly demanding on my parents and expects an awful lot from them which I do have concerns with as they elderly now.

She probably can't be arsed getting involved with it.

Very sorry that you're being put through this, OP. It sounds hurtful.
Personally, I wouldn't confront her. I don't think you're likely to get anything useful out of the interaction.
I would take it on the chin but distance myself emotionally.
And you say they are elderly - apologies for being blunt, but don't be surprised if you are cut out of the will. This doesn't sound like a constructive dynamic.

I absolutely would confront her. Just tell her you know she's lying and ask her why.

People often lie because they fear the reaction. What would your reaction be? I'd talk to her but if you blow up, become angry etc it will just distance her even more.

Find the reason behind it.

Was there a past instance where you said something to you mum along the lines of "why do you see my sister so much" (and not me(, or whatever?

Anything that's happened that could explain it?

Or could your sister be pissed off with you for some reason and told your mum "don't tell her about seeing me as I don't want her knowing my business".

Could your sister be muscling in on the will?

It's fine to not see people very often as long as you are happy with it because when they die you don't want to be all "I wish I'd spent just a little more time with mum" as you have to live with that forever and can't change it.

I’d assume your Mum is worried that she will upset you if you know she’s spending more time with your sister than you and she feels guilty about it. It’s not nice to be lied to but sometimes fibs don’t come from a bad place.

I'd just let her know that spending time with your Dsis doesn't bother you.

She probably thinks because you don't get on, you might be jealous or feels caught in the middle.

Your parents should be able to seperate the two relationships with no need to lie.