Please help

[LipolleZa]

Every evening as it's got darker my mood has been a little low but today literally out of nowhere I suddenly feel massively depressed. Out of nowhere. Three hours ago I was fine. I came home, I fed the baby (3 months old), I changed him and then suddenly I just felt horrific.

I do have a history of anxiety and depression and have been feeling very anxious lately which I have an appointment with the GP about next week but not depressed. It hit me like a freight train and now I'm hiding upstairs from DH and my kids terrified. Please help. I don't know what to do. And of course I googled sudden onset depression and it says its an early symptom of pancreatic cancer so I've gone down a total rabbit hole of anxiety as well.

Hello! Sorry to hear this - sounds really tough! I’d say that the time of day is a common one for a wave of depression to hit if ur mood is at all low.
Its great your seeing your GP and do you think you could even manage to text your partner in the meantime so they can come up and be with you?
in the first few months hormones are all over the place so you may be dealing with a shift in that as well.
basically try to remember that this is your mind playing tricks on you and not reality - if you’re having any dark thoughts.

if you really feel you can’t cope or are having strange/weird thoughts or thoughts or self harm don’t hesitate to get an urgent appt with ur gp or walk in.

Is there anything easy and low effort that you find comforting - bath, book, cosy snuggle?

Are your kids really terrified ? What have you said / done to make them terrified ? If your husband is there I am sure he has distracted and entertained them and reassured them you are bit poorly surely ?

this WILL pass its just temporary and you are definitely not alone I had my panic when I was pregnant its horrific but you can medicate that all away, a few weeks from now you will top top I ptomise

My kids aren't terrified, I'm saying I'm terrified. They have no idea, they're all watching a film together downstairs.

I had this when I was going through the menopause. I was in the queue at Tesco when out of nowhere I was hit with the worst feeling of doom and depression it was like something just switched in my brain, came home and was so scared as I’d never had any sort of depression in my life before, phoned 111 and they got me a doctors appointment first thing the following day.
It was basically my hormones going crazy due to menopause and lasted a few weeks then gradually lifted still had some episodes with anxiety thrown in but after getting HRT that suited me I’ve been ok.
I think in your case it could be hormonal due to having a baby recently, it’s awful but it will lift once your hormones get back to normal see your GP straight away I felt a bit better just talking to the doctor as he was very supportive.

I feel very slightly better now but I'm frightened at how out of the blue that came on and how intense it was

It could be postnatal depression OP. My friend got it when her baby was a few months old and it took the form of extreme anxiety. She couldn’t function. She was in hospital for a few months but is absolutely fine now.

Yes I totally understand what your saying the way it came out of the blue was so frightening I’d never experienced anything like that before it totally floored me as I said it was just like a switch was flipped in my brain and in an instant I went from feeling fine one minute to total despair the next, I hadn’t had any sign of it coming. I found talking to close friends helped somewhat don’t suffer in silence there is help out there and it WILL pass wishing you the best

OP I have a mood disorder and my experience is that a dark cloud can come down very suddenly… and it’s more than just feeling low - it’s like realising you’re in a post-apocalyptic landscape and often a feeling of dread/terror.

I’ve also had panic attacks very occasionally that weren’t your typical breathing issues but more like I suddenly felt a huge bleakness and believed I was about to die and slipping away, and colours went strange. It all passed in a few hours.

Not suggesting that you have a mood disorder at all (mine has been around forever) - but it really has the sound of something very much in your brain/hormones that is probably postpartum.

honestly if you feel like you need support in the next hours or days, please don’t hold back from calling 111 or any other support or even going to a walk-in. Your GP (or health visitor I think) could possibly refer you to a perinatal team (up to 12 months after birth and a great mental health service depending on area).

Postnatal mental health is usually taken a bit more seriously and if you’re fobbed off find a doc who is more knowledgeable.

good luck OP - you’ll get through this x

I'm scared they'll section me or take my baby away or get social services on me

They won't OP. They are there to help and knowing you have a husband to support you will be a good thing.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you are feeling a bit better now? Have you spoken to your husband?

I do feel better now. I'm in bed cuddling my baby. But I'm scared of it happen again.

I think I get that fear. To be honest I kind of kept my own mood disorder under wraps for a while partly due to similar fears.

If it’s reassuring - I had a lot of perinatal support (therapies etc) and was openly struggling with moderate to severe anxiety and depression at points and there was no sense of a heavy intervention. It was very supportive in navigating managing my mental health as a parent.

It’s such a burden worrying about this kind of thing. You’ve done the right thing posting op.

To update, i feel relatively normal today. I really don't understand what happened to me yesterday but scared it will happen again.