Just feeling so sad

[Eveeee]

Bit of a tough day with my toddler. Tantrum every 5 mins. Hes tired but didn’t nap so the day was a struggle. Demanding chocolate and his favourite t v show and when I put limits / said no he kicked off

so it’s been tough. I have a younger baby too so it’s hard to juggle both. DH is sick so I am pretty much on my own

a few people we know are having babies and it’s weird. It just took me back to when I had my eldest. the excitement. How happy everyone seemed. That first night in hospital alone with my baby so happy how my life had changed forever
I feel nostalgic ! And I think it’s why I baby him a bit I feel so sad about him growing up despite him growing into an amazing little boy I’m proud of

my 2nd was a different time. DH had fell out with some family so his family didn’t seem to care. I felt scared and down I was quite depressed with DD. She was unplanned and I just had guilt from day one about having another baby. DH was also off with my he was in his head about the family stuff and it felt different. Just like he didn’t care about me

and I feel sad that’s the experience with my youngest. And I’ve had a tough day that’s why I’m reflecting but I’m just having a little cry and needed to vent. I’m very alone and don’t have anyone close to me but my kids.

but my emotions will never be laid on them they’re my kids and will remain kids. I won’t be one of those mums

Oh big hugs! How old are your kids? Even with a totally supportive partner and family, having a toddler and a baby is harrrrrrrd. And lonely. Mine are now 3.5 and 1.5 and play together really nicely a lot of time (by no means always!) and it's lovely to see. But last year has been tough.

3 end of this month and youngest is 1 end of December ! I can see glimpses of it as she’s aged. I just have guilt too because the first year of her life has been so hard for me. I’ve been so alone and me and DH nearly split

and she’s such an amazing little girl with the brightest smile in the world she smiles at me and my heart aches that it wasn’t a year filled with the happiest memories

Will the 3 year old start nursery in January?

He is in nursery just not on some days! I went part time xx

Oh very similar ages then. It does start to get easier from here. They'll start playing together, and the baby being able to toddle around a park means you can tire them both out without worrying about the little one getting totally soggy and freezing crawling around on the floor. We can now spend an afternoon playing trains and it doesn't make me want to gauge my own eyes out from trying to referee. Previously I would never spend time in the house - outside was so much easier.

Do you think you might have PND? I understand that circumstances have been really hard, but maybe there's more going on.

Yeah anytime I’m with them I go out usually but we had a slow few weekends as we’ve been potty training our eldest! And he has a speech delay so trying to get him used to potty training then did little outings so he could get used to letting us know etc. maybe that’s why I’m struggling more? As we used to go out a bit but I’ve made it more short and sweet outings

and now my Youngest is nearly walking but not walking she gets so fed up in the pram! So the park mornings we did a few months ago every week are harder haha

I think I have / do have it. I haven’t told anyone how I feel in case they think I’m a bad mum. I’m worried I just seen like a shit mum because I always am so anxious

Oh yeah, that's a hard period! And it's so gloomy which isn't exactly a mood enhancer either. My son wasn't talking when we potty trained him, and what really helped us was always showing him which bag had his potty in and reminding him where it was when we got to the park so that he could point or look at it when he needed it. Hopefully once you're back to longer trips out and you're DD is walking and less frustrated life will be easier! Do you have a pushalong trike for her? We used ours a lot for this frustration stage.

I can feel the pressure your putting on yourself radiating off your posts. I know that brittle feeling where it feels like if you pause and draw breath you'll just shatter. I think it's worth making an appointment with your GP - a mum who seeks help is never a shit mum.

Thank you! Good tip as his accidents have been when he’s not been able to tell in time etc if that makes sense? Hasn’t been able to hold it in longer thank you. And it is on her Christmas/1st birthday list we’re definitely getting a trike hoping that helps!

Thank you for speaking to me I think I may do I have just felt so lonely. But I withdraw? I wallow of an evening when they’re asleep and think about how alone I am but decline seeing family and decline work outings with colleagues.

Yeah I know what you mean. It's like you don't want to feel alone but also meeting people just feels so hard and such an effort and so much energy that you don't have. It's weirdly easier to just feel sad at home!

Exactly this. I see people with mum friends and feel jealous but never approach people or make an effort

Aw I know the feeling. My two are nearly 2 and nearly 4, two years difference. It does get easier! You are currently in the trenches. And without backup. It's exhausting. A potty training. Urgh. What helped me was actually meeting friends who are child free. You don't get stuck in baby chat, which is good at the time as there's a solidarity, but afterwards makes you question your own situations and parenting decisions as you swap stories (at least it did for me). Also childfree friends can't judge you for perception of "failing" at motherhood.

More that helped me was reading, or doing anything you can do at home, for yourself, that's an adult thing and doesn't involve doom scrolling.

It's really hard and I feel your pain. Sometimes weekends are just surviving, in between preparing meals and tidying up. I hope you can find some joy when the kids are asleep. Do they sleep okay? I find once the sleep comes together you feel a lot more yourself.

Hope you're feeling better today xx