Having to see someone you're no contact with.

[Plump82]

After various reasons, I decided to go no contact with my SIL. We've not seen her or her family in 5 years. However there's a significant event happening at the beginning of next year and we've been advised that it's going to be a family get together. The person organising this event knows we're no contact.
I know I probably need to just get on with it and go but I really, really don't want to. I'm not too sure why this is being planned because surely it's just going to be awkward for everyone and not a particularly enjoyable time. It also galls me that the person organising this meet up has been treated pretty poorly over the last 5 years themselves by SIL but we now need to play happy families.
Anyone got any coping strategies for this? There's no risk to my wellbeing etc. I just don't agree with a lot of things SIL has done and is still doing and how she's treated both me and my PILs

What is the event for and the necessity for you to be there?

If its fairly signifcant and if the other people going are beneficial to you and your family and you to them also, then I would just suck it up and go, you dont have to sit chatting to her all day/night, involve yourself with the others that are going

I

It’s one event, and attending it doesn’t mean you are “playing happy families”.

It means you are taking part in your families’ life whilst at the same time controlling the boundaries you have set for yourself.

I am NC with my only sibling, an older brother, and yet my DH and I were put on a table for 4 with him and his DW at my stepsister’s wedding breakfast in 2021. I didn’t like it but I was polite, engaging in conversation with both of them, but returning to my previous pattern the following day.

Take control of your situation. Decide what you will and won’t do and don’t cut your nose off, missing a family gathering, just to spite your face.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my DM died 13 days after I married DH in 1998, it’s that none of us have any clue who will make it to the next family gathering, even if everyone looks fit and well.

I think it depends what the event is and who it is for.
We have missed an event due to being NC, but that’s because the impact on my mental health far outweighed the benefit of seeing the other people.
We didn’t really mind missing it with no regrets.
If you don’t feel you can miss it then just sit as far away from your SIL as possible. You don’t have to talk to her. Some events aren’t very intimate and it’s easy to avoid others. If it’s a meal then sit the other end of the table.

I think it's up to you- go (and be civil) or don't go. But just as someone else can't force you to meet your SIL, so it's not up to you whether they maintain contact, even if you feel they have been treated poorly. That's their decision.

Don’t go

I’m in a similar position at the moment OP and am on the brink of not going despite possible fall out.
I just don’t want to do things that I don’t want to do as a 40 something year old. Obligation can F off!

I'm NC with my sister and when my cousin got married, I just sadly declined the invitation. It just makes me so uncomfortable being around her. I had to make contact when our father was diagnosed terminally ill but after the absolute chaos and embarassment she caused at the hospice he was in I'm glad to be NC again.

It's a special birthday and there will be 6 of us in total so no chance of avoiding or sitting at the opposite table. I will of course be civil. If I didn't go I know it would really upset my MILs who's birthday it is and I would be seen at the "bad" one. And that's what annoys me the most as I'm very close to my MIL and a huge driver in the no contact is how she's been treated. However completely agree it's her decision to maintain contact.

Definitely sounds like you need to go then.