Is this victim blaming

[Spinning444]

A bit of back ground first. dd is a DV survivor/victim. Dd went through alot including heavy involvement of social services. Dds ended the relationship with her ex and he ended up in prison due to dv situation. Gs started school during the time he was in prison so he does not know the school. Although dd was housed a bit of a distance from the school social services activity encouraged for GS to stay at the school. This is because my children also go to the school. And we have used the school continuously for 19 years . They know us well and their support has been gold dust for dd and gs. Dd was /is vunerble so that school relationship was very needed. It was also the one form of stability that dd could give gs. He is also on the pathway for autism and would nlt cope with that sort of change.

Dd has been at her recent address for just under 3 years. Sadly a toxic person told her ex where she lives . He is a heigh risk offender. There was a meeting with MARAC who have said to housing that dd needs to be moved . The housing officer have ignored MARAC and has been ignoring DDs DV advocate. Not returning calls /emails etc. In the end the DV advocate had to di email chain so that all managers and marac are in the chain . MARAC has called another meeting as the housing officer is not doing at she should be doing .

The housing officer is slowly doing what she was meant to be doing in the first place. Apprently housing panel asked this question to dd: WHY have you put yourself in danger by not changing your sons school. We feel this is victim blaming 1) her ex has no idea where he gos to school 2) social services activity encouraged for GS to stay at the school. 3) he was told her address which is the issue not the school.

There is a,warrant out for her ex arrest . For breaking restraining order . Also warrant out for his arrest regarding 4 other women

Dd address is flagged . And she has alarms on her windows. But this housing stuff needs sorting ASAP.

I'm so sorry to hear your DD and DGS are going through this.

It does sound like the housing officer is trying to deflect from their own failings.

Your poor DD - she really doesn't need to be dealing with this sort of bullying on top of everything else

Very best wishes to all of you.

because they are probably tired and jaded with the ever revolving door of women who stay with men/ go back to men who beat the crap out of them and don’t prioritise their children- believe me there are lots.

This may not be the case with your daughter but when you deal with DV all the time you can become desensitised and sadly tactless.

Hope she gets rehoused soon.

The question doesn't make any sense given the circumstances.

If the perpetrator doesn't know the school, doesn't know the child is in the school and the person who told him the address has nothing to do with the school - I don't understand why they asked.

Can your daughter be moved to temporary accommodation or even a refuge if she is in danger?

If they work in DV, or with victims of DV and coercive control they should be well aware it isn't just as simple as leave. That on average it takes (I think) 7 attempts to leave an abuser and women are most at risk of being killed when they are leaving or leave.

Maybe they should deal with the issue which is the housing, not the school.

Yes. But it is still REALLY grinding seeing kids sit on the CPR because their mother repeatedly goes back even they have been told they are at risk of losing their kids (never mind the damage to the kids).
You can know everything in theory but I imagine if you haven’t been through it yourself it is difficult to fathom.

I can well believe working in DV is an extremely stressful job, @Janedoe82 .

But if an officer has got to the point where they are taking out their feelings on OP's DD – who is desparate to move to avoid the violent ex and is actually being impeded by said officer – then that burnt-out officer needs to rotate to something else, for everyone's sake.

Are you sure they aren't just following a script? A tick box to fill in answers? I k ow you don't want to hear this but there aren't a box full of keys to empty houses they can pick from and I'd say a housing officer has a right shit job because everyone had a story and reason why they need housing. They need to prioritise and asking questions helps this process.

That's not the case in this situation. The housing officer is /was meant to take the situation to emgency housing panel. To get dd housing band changed to band 1. Dd would then bid on properties that are avaliable.

"Why did you put yourself at risk " is definitely not a script

Thank you for getting it. Exactly it's not even realivent. No she can't go to emgency accommodation dues to mental geskty issues and special needs etc . That's already been agreed .

It's not situation in this case though. Other professionals have been onto the housing officer ie marac , dv advocate etc . When the housing officer was questioned by marac to ask why things are at a standstill/why hasn't she requested an emergency housing panel she blamned DD and said dd has not told her what her safe areas are . Which is not true it had already been done. Which also made no sense because the housing officer asks the safe area as part of the process.

It sounds like you don't understand trauma responses and how that messes with risk perception and coping strategies in victims of domestic violence. Rather than moan about women who are being abused, perhaps direct your fire at perpetrators, or officials who are paid to assist, but are not discharging their responsibilities.

The thing is at the start of all this it was the housing officer who said dd needed to be moved . And and to start with was asking dd lots of questions and starting the process of her moving and asking it to panel . But then things became very slow and every week yes panel should hear your case soon. Or it was sorry i have Been really busy because I'm filling in for other housing officers. When it was looked into a bit more it turned out the housing officer has not even applied for emergency housing panel. And when marac questioned her she blamed dd for not giving her safe areas (which was not true) and even though marac has said this needs doing . She's still needing massive pushing and as far as we know she's now doing it. But there's going to be another marac meeting because things are not moving as they should be.

Exactly. Also if something was to happen to dd it would put the housing officer into alot of trouble for not doing what she should have.

And he's still trying to make contact ffs .