These days ...

[thesedays10]

At 17 I was bunking off school, heading off out for the day with friends who had cars, unplanned, doing what I wanted with no responsibilities. It was summer 92. A long hot summer. I was slim, so slim, with tons of energy. The nights and days seemed endless. I was knocking about with an older guy, he introduced me to his friends, I would go off for the day with him. We would walk into a pub 100 miles away and he would know people. Nights out with him and his friends, nothing fancy just local pubs, blasting the latest club music out of his car, He would pick me up and whisk me off. I didn't drive.

Fast forward to now. 50. Manager of a large team with huge responsibilities at work, decent size house with a responsibility to manage/maintain in and a continuous responsibility to bring the money in (alongside DH) to pay the mortgage/bills/manage a good household cash flow. A responsibility to look after my elderly parents. Managing weekly food deliveries, Stocking up the house with food/supplies for us all. Managing household bills/insurance renewals/subscriptions/DC school things/DC appointment.

I want to jump off the wagon and rewind to when I was 17 again. I had no money, no car, no licence to drive but boy did I have a good time. I sometimes go back to my old stomping ground and relive the memories.

I now have all the money I need (within reason) and yet and yet ......

Don't we all?....I want to pick a back pack up and head off round the world to find the 18 year old skinny me that did exactly that. I'm 56, got a mortgage, a dog and DH...and a job.

I just feel like the boring old these days. I'm currently updating my online food shop to include toilet rolls while WAH. DULL as dishwater.

I don't necessarily want the party times back but more the spark, energy, waist size, spontaneity and unplanned things. I couldn't just drive to the coast now at last minute, I would need to book time off work, arrange for someone to collect DC from school/be at home for when they get back/cook them dinners, DH would moan that he doesn't like the English coast.

I think the key takeaway is that life was so so much more relaxed when i was 17.

this weekend I am cleaning my cooker out. D.U.L.L (but it needs doing and will save me £40 by doing it myself).

I am also going to switch off my phone location and drive to my old stomping grounds for some reminiscing - turning off my location as I don't want to have to answer 100 questions over what I was doing at X location when I get home !

running a house, managing weekly food deliveries, being a senior manager at work, managing a huge team, keeping the plates spinning for all home admin is DULL (but a necessity).

make the beds, hoover, food shopping, cleaning the house, stocking up on supplies, making sure bills are paid, making sure everyone is where they need to be everyday and has what they need (DC to different schools, supplies needed for GCSE, school uniforms, lunch money accounts are topped up, clubs money paid).

It's the drudgery I can't bear and I don't work that many hours. The endless chores at home are so boring. I am also overweight and lost my mojo to try and become a bit slimmer.
I look tired and grey and aches and pains. I don't wish to be younger really , but I'd love to just have a bit of enthusiasm for life back.
I know I'm so lucky with other things though

Being 17 was fun. I was actually with my dh at 17 but we both still lived at home. Both worked but minimal bills & responsibilities. I look back & enjoy the memories too. The responsible adult day to day can be drudgery which drags you down.

You need some you time. Unfortunately it now has to be arranged rather than spontaneous. Book a day off or take a weekend when kids school timing isn't an issue, & decide where to go. Tell dh you need a reset. It's your (belated?) birthday present to yourself. Nothing to do with him, nothing wrong, you just need some time to yourself.
Turn your phone off.
Go to the coast & have a picnic watching the waves. Sit in the car if weather is not great.
Find a nice little coffee shop for an afternoon treat.
Go shopping for something for you. Not groceries or kids socks, just for you.
Have a wander, a mooch, without clock watching. Relax & enjoy being you. Not mum, wife, oven cleaner.
Come home with a smile.

Sometimes I’d like to go back but my teenage years were tough in some ways & actually now I appreciate the “ dull & ordinary” of everyday life. Definitely happier in my own skin at 58 than I was at 17.

Must admit I’m with you on missing spontaniety OP. So much planning involved to get me time!

I'm going back to 1995 next year in July where I will be 15 again and on my way to see Oasis lol might even take some white lightening to drink to really set the mood haha

I loathed 17. Depressed, zero confidence less than zero self esteem.

Life began at about 26 for me, and it just gets better and better (I'm 35 now).

When did the drudgery / this feeling start, OP?

But you’re married — why isn’t this gruntwork split?

I’m 52 and also have a demanding professional job and a tween, but I delegate cleaning to a weekly cleaner, get grocery shopping delivered, DH has bills on direct debits and does all the cooking and school runs and sports drop offs when he’s here, DS is responsible for ensuring his uniforms are in the laundry basket in time for them to be ready to be ironed on the cleaner’s day, and reminding one of us about subscriptions etc.

Delegate, OP and go and have some fun. I went off for some solo time in a little rented cottage up a mountain over half term, and it was blissful. This weekend I am seeing two film festival films and having dinner afterwards with two different sets of friends. No need for life to be one long slog.

I was neither adventurous nor particularly slim when I was 17 Same now! I'm 53. I never would have bunked off school

I had an adventurous time as a teenager, hitchhiking to places to save on bus fare, with no thought to my personal safety, attending music festivals illicitly, having sneaked over the fence, hooking up with unsuitable men, going on wild holidays with groups of friends...I wouldn't want to rewind my life to be a teenager again though. I have found joy in every decade of my life. Even today, approaching my 65th birthday, I am looking forward to the adventures retirement will bring.

I want to be 23 again. What a year that was! 2008 to be precise.

Sometimes I miss being young but being older to me is safe. At 17 I had no idea where I would end up. I was doing the same as you, drinking excessively, getting involved with men much older than me and definitely not the sort of people I'd want my daughters involved with. Some situations I'm surprised I didn't end up dead, I was off on trains to anywhere and everywhere and my parents had no idea where I was.
I can remember thinking I felt on the very edge of life. Children shouldn't be in those situations.
My life now is monotonous but it's safe, I'm secure, I can take care of my children and I have a house to look after which is mine.
Getting older definitely lacks spontaneous activities but you can plan them and enjoy them in a different way. Appreciating what you've worked for and the person you've grown into.