Please advise- adult son

[DaDaniela]

Today is my birthday, my 18 year old son has not bothered to buy me even a card . Just got home and he is in town presumably to buy me a card . I am not fussed about presents but it does hurt to see that he hasn’t even bothered to send me a happy birthday text .
I said that I would take my son and 14 years old daughter out for a meal . I am not sure that I would want to do that now particularly with my son .
He needs to learn a lesson that you can’t treat others like that and not sure how to do it . I feel hurt / or maybe I am a little too sensitive.

Today is my birthday- I have been separated from their dad for 4 years and they are living with me 100 percent of the time . I work full time as a teacher also tutor online during weekends, host and teach foreign students during holidays so that I can pay for their holidays, tutoring, clubs ect .

I’d feel disappointed too. Hope you can turn it around and have a lovely evening together. Happy birthday 🎈 x

The days not over yet and you've said you think he's in town buying you a card now so hold your horses.

He’s in town buying you a card? What’s the actual problem?

Happy birthday !

This happened to me once - everyone forgot.

I decided to rise above it - so I would still go out with them but I would then think about some household changes - are they helping round the house and garden enough if you are working extra jobs to pay for their luxuries or could they get part time jobs?

Pay back is best delayed and his forgetting may be the best thing to have happened if it brings about a change

Fingers crossed that's what he's doing, gosh, they can be very selfish self centred at that age! Happy birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉

Your birthday isn’t over yet, if he has been at school / work all day then he probably hasn’t had a chance to see you properly yet. Don’t spoil your own birthday evening, give him a chance to sort something out while he’s in town and then spend some time together.

You are not wrong to be disappointed.

See what he comes back with.
If its nothing, then he could do IOU's eg doing the laundry for a week. Not v exciting but something that gives you a break and him a chance to appreciate how much you do.

Or just get a takeaway for yourself and do the meal another day!

Happy Birthday

Yes wait a bit op!

Teemagers can be a bit “last minute” with this sort of thing!

Yesterday evening my daughter reminded him and today he was at home sleeping all day .

He is doing a HNC 2 days a week and looking for a job so he was at home sleeping until 4 pm . I wanted to spend a bit of time with him , as his sister works 4 h a week , rushed home from school to be on my own in an empty house .
My daughter is very different but my son is very selfish , he had £12000 given for his 18th birthday but did not spend a £ to take me for a dinner while we were on holiday on the South of France . I paid £5000 for it and he couldn’t bother to spend any time with me or my daughter, he was out every day and night . He has friends there .

Thank you so much for birthday wishes 🥰

I hope you have a lovely birthday :)

I was/am a single parent (mine are in their 20s now). One thing I will say is that I think we always have to be careful not to heap too many expectations on our kids as single parents to compensate for us not having a partner. I honestly do not mean that as a criticism and I totally get the lazy/selfish criticism of your son. Just don't let it spoil your day! My daughter always bought me a present and my son was always v late to the party!

Now they are both adults they have changed so much and really appreciate what I did for them but it did take a bit of time. When my son started his first full time job he said 'omg how did you do this and look after us at the same time' and gave me a massive cuddle!!

Thank you so much! There is some hope !!!

Happened to me one year. I never mentioned it. They both phoned me to wish me a HB. I know how much they love me. They're busy and hardworking. I treated myself to a little something I really wanted and told myself that was from them. I know people who have become estranged from their own children over stuff like this. I’m an adult, I can buy my own gift to me, from them. It doesn’t matter. Just go out to dinner and have fun! Enjoy precious time with them.

Happy Birthday! 🎈

Love this attitude!

Tbh it would annoy me too. Especially if he was sleeping all day until 4pm.

Enjoy your day.

Happy Birthday!

Spend time with your daughter.

What did he come back with?

Happy birthday to you OP!! Have you treated yourself to anything? Did you end up having anything nice for dinner?

My son did turn up to the restaurant with a bunch of flowers and a card.i have tried to explain that he needs to improve. Who knows, maybe 🤔 one day .

Oh dear , took them to Zizi in Cambridge ( near market square) we waited 20 min to be seated , an hour and 10 for our starters( only warm-fried squid ) , another 40 min for our main ( half cold - pasta )given up on desert and just got home .
What a day !!

Never-mind - fresh start tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your support !! It really mattered!!! ❤️❤️

Well Happy Birthday! I can't believe how Zizzi treated you. I took my mum, age 89, her elderly friend and my son out for dinner in our local town. We were spoiled rotten with good service. Timely service gorgeous food so much choice. We had the best time. I would feed back to the manager that your experience at zizzi Cambridge was not really quite where it needed to be. PS your son came through, but yes if he is sleeping until 4pm. Time for chores and a household rota.

I think it's ok - he turned up to meal with flowers.
Spending all day in bed is not great but perhaps not unusual for him.
Rubbish birthday meal though sorry.