Don't know what to do for my birthday on Saturday

[Bugsy09]

Hi,
I don't know what to do for my birthday on Saturday. My boyfriend is away. I have told my parents that I want to celebrate it with them. They have offered to meet me somewhere halfway or offered that i go to stay at theres for the weekend.

I thought maybe i could get the coach to my parents on the saturday and stay one night (i'll be working on monday), but then I don't know if I want to start my birthday off by travelling in a coach. I could get the train but that would be more expensive and ive budgeted my money for the month really strictly lol (there is no breathing room).

I will feel really stingy if i don't go and stay for the weekend, especially because my boyfriend is away.

If I meet them somewhere half way, im worried i will feel really stingy for not going to stay with them for the weekend, especially when they find out my boyfriend is away (so you know itll look like id rather go back to my empty house than spend the weekend with them and my sister).

I was thinking of maybe meeting them in Oxford but now i have talked myself out of it because im not really interested in history or art (and that is the main appeal).

I'm generally feelling really sad and not in a good mental place. My birthday approaching and then Christmas is exasperating everything.

I usually have an idea for something i feel like doing and i can be assertive, but this year for my birthday nothing has come to me. Its sad, i feel like im letting myself and everybody else down. 😔 I need to be assertive and be more like right this is what i feel like doing for my birthday, ive been looking into this for us, do you want to join?

It is feeling impossible to come to any decision about anything, i have been dilly-dallying all week. Not getting back to my parents with any plan. Its horrible. I feel like im getting more and more burnt out, knowing that my birthday is getting closer and closer. Im letting everybody down.

Im burnt out and know i would prefer meeting halfway for the afternoon or day.

Ive also started a new full time job and you know have been getting home 7:30pm every evening so it feels intense.

It sounds terrible but i really love alone time, having the house to myself feels like complete freedom and bliss and i truely wind down. 🙃

Just stay at home. Tell your parents you’ll catch up with them later, but you’re really looking forward to relaxing day by yourself.

You sound like you want to stay at home for your birthday, so maybe do that? You don't have do anything big with anyone else.

Treat yourself to a stay-at-home day; that's not a sad day if you would really like that.
A lot of people love having their own company now and then, some more than others, and you could plan a day of just doing what you want, eating what you want, doing something you don't get to do normally, ( hobby, walk, film, shopping)? Oh, I'd love something like that once in a while...Happy Birthday OP celebrate yourself doing what YOU would like to do!

I know but the thing is ill be alone. I feel like its bad karma to not do anything to celebrate or lift my mood up.

It'll probably be a really intense /strange/sad/off/weird day if im alone especially because mentally im not doing well right now.

I have no motivation to celebrate because im so far from the place i want to be in life

My boyfriend will want to know what i did for my birthday and he thinks i am making plans with my family because he is away. I will feel like such a weirdo

Reframe it in your mind as a treat day. Instead of spending the money on travel, buy nice bath/shower stuff, something you really enjoy eating and drinking, and spend the day on the sofa reading/watching good stuff.

It is a perfectly valid choice, and definitely if you are as exhausted as your post sounds.

Im exhausted, i was supposed to be going away with my boyfriend. I was excited to travel with him and join him on the trip and desperate for my holiday request to be approved at my new job.
Well at first it wasnt approved, I was sad that i couldn't go. I asked again and told them it was my birthday and then it was approved. My excitement and motivation to go had vanished. Then I procrastinated and didn't tell my boyfriend it was approved. I couldn't decide if i actually wanted to go, wasn't sure about spending money on flights, taking unpaid leave, and losing out on pay. My boyfriend never found out it was approved. I sat there for days unable to come to any decision watching flight prices go up. Then i started talking myself out of going and here we are.. I dont know how i went from being excited to travel and go and be with my boyfriend and being desperate for my holiday to be approved, to then not telling my boyfriend it was approved and losing all of my mojo and excitement to go. It all happened in a few days. He never found out it was actually approved. I dont think that is normal, it felt so horrible.

It feels horrible

Im in such a state messing those closest to me around

It's mine on Saturday too 😁
Try not to pressure yourself into feeling like you have to do something. How about having a lovely day of pampering, having nice food whatever that is to you and just being good to yourself.

Have a relaxing day at home maybe a takeaway treat or get your favourite food in favorite drink and just relax last year for my birthday I had a day at home with my other half we didn't have a massive budget either very small infact for we had a bottle of prosecco and a takeaway and listened to music together and watched a film at home and that was fine I really enjoyed it actually and cost about £40 in total with the food and drink

It's your day you spend it exactly how you like it

Hey guys
I still haven't come up with any plan
I feel completely awful
Im so dissapointed in myself for messing my parents around like this
My boyfriend is away but has just messaged me to ask if ive come up with a plan
Hes been telling me to book something since last weekend and to not leave it too late 😦
Im really ashamed of myself for not looking out for my parents
My birthday is bringing up so many things and im feeling really sad and overly emotional about it, im feeling grief and loss as well. Its draining everything from me I cant stay strong
I still don't know what to do
I was thinking i could travel to my parents tomorrow morning and stay one night
But i don't know
Im worried ill find it hard not to cry tomorrow, itll be horrible for my parents if this happens
I dont know if it feels like too much of a push
Travelling and then celebrating my birthday in the same day feels like a lot
I was thinking that my parents could come here but theres nowhere i want to go out to i have no desire for anything
The only other option is spending the day on my own which is going to look very odd. Its going to look very weird to my boyfriend when he thinks im making plans with my family i dont know how ill be able to tell him im going to feel completely ashamed and off and im going to feel so weird when my closest are trying to get in touch to send me well wishes
Its not going to be nice for my boyfriend

Look, OP, other people are irrelevant here. There’s no expectation or judgement. Birthdays come around annually — it’s not like the first moon landing. Take the heat out of it. If there were a nationwide bus and train strike, and you were unable to travel, would you feel disappointed or relieved? If you were staying at home, what would be enjoyable, low-key things that don’t require planning? If I had a day solo when I wasn’t leaving the house, I’d light a fire and watch old films all day, eat something delicious, take a bath with a glass of wine. Or ‘postpone’ your birthday till you feel better.

If your parents or boyfriend feel anything, I imagine it’s concern for your obvious depression and anxiety. What are you doing about it? Do you have a therapist? That seems to me to be the important thing here.

Ok well i guess i've FINALLY come to the decision to spend the day by myself the procrastination has been soul destroying and awful

i'm feeling really up and down, so i'm a bit relieved to have the day to myself and off the hook. on top of that i couldn't think of one thing i wanted to do, so it's probably best not to drag my parents into a day with me when i have no direction

but you're right its only one day there will be other opportunities to see my family and make plans, maybe we can celebrate my birthday belatedly next time we se each other, i don't know

im thinking of doing a yoga practice in the morning, then going out to a new cafe i havent tried, then maybe cinema later in the evening/night but i don't know i'll see what i feel like as it gets closer

i'll have to go out for a bit, it'll be too intense to spend all day in the house lol

im still going to have to tell my boyfriend that i'm spending it alone rather than trying to meet up with family which is very humiliating when he has been telling me since last Saturday to make plans with them hopefully it isnt too much of stretch for get that im finding it hard turning a year older

Well, it’s good you’ve thought of some enjoyable things to do for yourself, and feel more relaxed about it all.

I don’t understand though why you keep referencing telling your boyfriend you’ve decided not to celebrate with your parents as though you’re confessing to some major felony. It’s your birthday. He’s away on holiday, presumably having fun. You don’t owe him an explanation. Why would any normal person have an issue with you saying ‘I feel a bit burnt out and have decided to prioritise self-care on my birthday rather than trek to my parents. I’ll suggest going out for dinner with them in a week or two, instead, but im looking forward to doing x and y on my birthday’?

Just texted all to my boyfriend...

his only response

'are you parents not visiting??'

😫sigh

ohh gawd

my boyfriends reached out to my sister and my parents 😱

he's told them he's away and that i'm on my own for my birthday

im going to look like such a little s* for not reaching out

the shame

the shame

the shame

Honestly, you care far too much about how things will look to others (and is it such a big deal to them?). I completely fail to see why you think you will look bad and why you feel ashamed.

You decided to have a day on your own - that's great! Why do you think your family think this is a bad thing? Have you never done things on your own?

Because im on my own my boyfriend is away in another country
Now It looks like ive rejected my own family in favour of a day on my own
My family know i don't have friends here or anyone else i will be celebrating with
I feel selfish and ashamed

So tell your family you are really tired/not well/run down and would rather rest and then celebrate with everyone when you feel better. I cannot see why anyone would object to that.

Do you get told you are boring/selfish for not wanting to go out on other occasions? Because it sounds like there might be more going on here. Alternatively have you not long moved out of home so are used to it being a family day?

Ring your parents and apologise for his interference. Tell them that you aren’t feeling particularly well, so you want to rest, but you hope to see them soon.

Then relax.