Really struggling with my youngest :(

[Liaaaaa]

With my youngest. She’s 10mo has always been a bit of a Velcro baby. But only me and nursery staff have settled her. She won’t go to anyone usually she’s all for me

Ige been up with her for 2 hours. We’ve all had bug so I get being up a bit it’s just so tough I’ve had norovirus and I have 0 energy and I’m up trying to console her, cleaning sick, changing 2 sloppy shitty nappies as she crawls away and then screams and thrashes as I try to lay her down and change her and avoid poo going everywhere

it’s so tough since she’s been born I’ve been getting woke every 2 hours some nights every 1 hour. To say I’m drained is an understatement and we have a toddler (3) and I feel so guilty because this year alls he has seen is me struggling and barely being able to pop his sister down

I love my daughter so much. She has a smile that lights up the world and she is so clever crawling and climbing all over the place, she plays so good and actually is using some toys correctly!

it’s just so hard when everything falls to me and I’m trying to do everything for DS

ps. Yep have a DH. He works long hours and then moans and just basically thinks he doesn’t have to do equal share as he is the provider. Helps on a weekend 👍🏼 but weekdays just apparently he is sooo tired from work and can only do bits.
don’t start me on it. If possible let’s not mention him in the replies. Winds me up with his approach and I’m too exhausted to argue

I’ve asked my mum to babysit her overnight but she doesn’t want to as my daughter gets upset so easy and doesn’t settle well if I’m not around

my mum said she’s scared to have her because she’ll be so upset (my daughter) and my mum won’t be able to settle her

so I assume I just have to struggle until she sleeps through one day

And she does go to nursery but on my working days so I can’t really take the time to rest as I’m returning to a new job :(

Your problem is DH.
This Saturday, hand baby over to him, and take the toddler out for the day. Baby will scream and cry, and he will have to find a way to deal with it. Turn phone on silent so he can’t call you to come home.
Replicate at home. Dad in charge of baby while you sort your older child. He will HATE it, and it will be a rude awakening but it has to be done, to wean baby off you and make sure your lovely boy gets his well deserved time with mum.

I think you need to sleep train. You can’t carry on being so exhausted. This worked for us at a similar age.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

As a man, mothers are glorious and precious humans, and your kids will see you as that when they’re older. It’s HARD work. I work full-time and I am currently writing this during a 12-hour night shift.

i agree that childcare (with babies and toddlers who don’t go to school) is harder psychologically than working full time. And you’re doing great.

however, after a long shift, the last thing I need is hours of childcare as selfish as it sounds. I have (outside of showering, eating, throwing my work clothes in the wash) about 2 hours to myself out of 24. Like I say, psychological torment of being a full time mother to babies and toddlers is draining. But work is too.

i really hope you get well soon, you seem tired of it.

I'm a single mum. I haven't had 2 hours uninterrupted to myself for over 8 months. Longest I've been apart from DD is 35 minutes. I'd consider two hours a day a luxury! I'm also studying a degree full time so when she is napping on me, I am working.

Before having my daughter, I worked 12 hours shifts, nightshifts and served in the military. Nothing compares to the exhaustion I feel looking after a baby by myself. (I don't know how twin mums do it!). My point is it's not like mums don't understand how tiring a full day at work is - they've been there! There's nothing especially difficult when it comes to raising a child but there is never an off. I even have to sleep with one eye open. That's why we hear so many mums saying when they return to the office that work feels like a break!

Though I am sure you have the best of intentions when you say mothers are 'glorious and precious humans', it does come across slightly condescending. Not saying you are a bad'un, just sharing a different perspective.

Your DH really needs to step up. You are both working now, he can take his turn at nights. If you’re working part time then maybe you do a bit more but he can definitely do at least 2 nights and give you some proper sleep.

Just a quick thought for nappy changes to go smoother, have you tried doing them whilst she’s standing up? I changed both my DC to pull ups at that age and did all nappy changes standing up as it was the only way to do it without them screaming and crawling off.

Some suggestions - having books or toys to give her during a nappy change tends to help with my son 50%+ of the time (or even just letting him play with the creams).

Also, I'm sure you've thought about this and rejected it which is completely ok as its your choice but sleep training really does work (i did it at both 5 months and again at 8 month separation anxiety - cry it out both times - he sleeps 7 to 7 due to it). Maybe think about it again if you're not surviving or pay a sleep trainer to come in and do it for you. My son is a toddler now and i promise there have never been any signs of emotional damage or weakened attachment from it on him or any of my friend's kids who did it.

I can openly concede that full time parenting is much more draining than full time work. Also, yeah, the comment about mothers came from a good place, mostly thinking about how I feel about my own mother.