What is this type of personality?

[ikeabaskethead]

My DSis lurches from one drama to another. She seems to thrive on it and has spent her life so far being like this (now age 55). She is quite an angry, aggressive person and you feel like you are treading on eggshells around her. She moves jobs frequently blaming this on the incompetence of everyone she works with. She makes other people’s misfortunes about her and thrives on it, especially people she knows who have died or people she knows who have had people close to them die. She talks about it a lot and how it makes her feel and lists people she knows who have died going back to when she was in her teens. She has virtually no friends and has never really been in a long term relationship.

Well there is a bit of self absorbed, self centred taking on other peoples tragedy, a complete inability to regulate emotions, lacking self awareness. No friends points to lacking in social awareness or prosocial behaviour. That is just really an emotionally immature person isn’t it?

Narcissistic maybe or possibly just a perpetual victim/drama queen.

It sounds like she has very little self awareness.

Self absorbed twat. I had a friend like that and it was exhausting. She did tell
me she’s been dx with BPD hit after a couple of decades of her shit I had to let her go.

Yes if she wasn’t my sister I’d have nothing to do with her which I know sounds awful but she’s exhausting. She’s recently been having some medical tests and enjoying every moment, sending dramatic pictures of herself in hospital and hospital equipment. That sounds mean but I’m 99.9% sure there’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just getting swept up in the excitement that there might be if that makes sense.

what are your parents like? what was it like for you both growing up?

You are describing my sister. She's highly toxic and I am very happily estranged since going no contact years ago. Couldn't be doing with her drama and shit any more. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of personality disorder. Don't know, don't care.

Good parents, not overly strict but not too lenient either. Sister was always in trouble at school from very early on. Also did everything to excess, for example drinking until she was sick and still drinks a lot now.
As she’s got older my mum has focused a lot on her because she’s been so worried, but probably done her no favours by ‘rescuing’ her and making excuses for her behaviour.

sounds very much like how ADHD presents in girls and women, but I know that's a somewhat controversial opinion in some parts.

Sounds unstable and narcissistic. To be brutally honest stop enabling it. Listening to or engaging in the drama chat just fuels it.

Could be narcissistic personality disorder (which is called something else now, maybe?) it could also be autism. I believe that it’s extremely hard to differentiate because they are very similar in presentation. I went through a bunch of tests before NHS anxiety therapy once and the psych said “you tested 97% for NPB” which was a massive shock to me. He then went on to say there was no point giving people labels and getting a diagnosis because it can lead to them embodying them, which can lead to misery. I now have personal experience of that because when my OH was diagnosed with ADHD he was an absolute nightmare for two years solid!

Shrug.

Some 7 years down the line and with a far better understanding of my personality than I ever got from those 10 months of therapy (which genuinely did help in some ways) I am 99% certain that I am actually autistic. My psychologist kept saying over and over and over again “I just can’t understand you.”

I mean the extreme planning I did for those meetings and the dozens and dozens of pages of lists I provided him with should have been a dead giveaway for autism and probably ADHD (which is extremely hard to diagnose in women because we mask it better - autism, that is) - but - whatever. Poor chap was only in his mid thirties and doing his best.

I have had a bucketload of drama in my life. I think it’s more that I call people out on their bullshit than anything else, whereas a lot of other people chose to turn a blind eye or deal with things in a discreet, subtle manner. I tried really hard to learn their ways but it just felt insincere and fake and I hated it.

Thank you for the replies, they’re interesting. Dsis thinks she has ADHD and I think she probably has, but I had not considered autism. I’ll have a look into how that presents in women.
To be honest, the only reason I keep in contact with her is because I don’t want to upset my parents. I had a spell of no contact a while ago which broke my mum’s heart, so now I make a bit of effort for her sake.

Bloody help are you me ? This sounds just like my sister. She is also now an alcoholic so we have her personality in general and then all the problems the alcoholism causes too! I've always thought she had borderline personality disorder, it all fits with her

I've read the comments about autism, I am autistic and I couldn't be more different from my sister. I think she fits more the adhd side though.

Histrionic Personality Disorder? It overlaps 35% with ADHD, related to craving novelty and excitement. Or covert narcissism. She doesn't have family but covert narcissist mothers often use their own moods or health status to seek attention, guilt-trip and manipulate those around them.

There is also an interesting theory that untreated autism may develop into a state that strongly mimics or is actually narcissism over many decades. This is because so many needs are unmet with undiagnosed neurodivergence that the person starts to take on whatever survival or coping strategies to give them some semblance of normality. Autistic people can appear self-absorbed but it's usually not deliberate it due to issues reading social cues. They might also hyperfixate on strange things, in this case people who have died. Some traits mimic narcissism and over time it becomes harder to separate the two.

Your sister's age makes it more likely that she had/has some form of neurodivergence that turned into a personality disorder over the years.

It sounds like there's definitely some neurodivergence.

This is so interesting. I would love to see research on this. I can think of a few examples where this is very likely outcome of undiagnosed ND.