How to help son when he's sad about divorce?

[ytrewq123]

How do you cope? My son is 8 and just wants us to be back together and living in the same house. I know it's normal and no child would ever want their parents to be a part but my heart breaks for him. Will he ever stop feeling sad? I guess this is why people stay together for the kids.

Being mature as adults. Showing that you are both still his parents. No nastiness. No name calling. No drama. No one up man ship. Just mum and dad being mum and dad, but apart. Mine cane through it fine with that approach. Even though my own life was devastated and my heart broken at the time .

Are any of his friends parents separated or single? What about teachers or his favourite celebrities or footballers or TV presenters. Point out how normal it is and point out it is better to be happy apart than sad together.

It will pass eventually.

Once things settle down and he can see what his new life looks like, I think that he might feel better. A lot of kids movies etc have divorce as a storyline with nasty new stepparents etc so once he sees that’s not the case, he will hopefully start to feel more positive about life. (I’m assuming that things are amicable and dad isn’t moving far away or something)

Being mature as adults. Showing that you are both still his parents. No nastiness. No name calling. No drama. No one up man ship. Just mum and dad being mum and dad, but apart.

I think this is absolutely key, and making clear decisions about contact, not putting any responsibility on him to decide when or how he sees his dad, having a predictable schedule and keeping things steady. I think sometimes the sadness is also a fear that you’ll both be fighting and arguing so making a big effort to put your own feelings to the side makes a difference to how the kids feel.

Thank you. So far we've been good at keeping our feelings out of it (as far as I'm aware from my ex as obviously not there to witness his behaviour), no badmouthing etc. I know I can't fix these feelings for him but it's so hard feeling I can't do anything else to help him stop his sadness.

You are modelling how to handle things if relationships don't work out. If in twenty or thirty years time, he's married and has kids, and things fall apart with his spouse for whatever reason - would you want him to feel like he has to stay in the situation, living together miserably, until his kids are what, 18 years old, have finished uni, have left home. Or do you want him to have personal experience that a married couple who would be happier going their own ways and co-parenting respectfully is a better chance for everyone to live their own lives.

Do as you are doing, keep things amicable (at least in front of him), keep him informed and don’t spring changes on him. Help him feel he has some control.
He is now your priority. You can’t control what your ex does, only you, but no seeking out and introducing new partners (and worse, their kids) while he is still adjusting. Jeep his school and clubs the same.
You both sound very mature and will get through this.