Catholic primary school as a non-religious family?

[Pumpkinseason3]

Hoping there may be some families out there who have experience and may be able to give me a “real life” perspective.

The time has almost come to fill in DSs primary school application. We have the choice of 2 in our town - one catholic school and one non-denominational school. Both very similar in terms of inspection reports and performance etc. Non-d school is quite large - a few classes per year group (P1a, P1b etc) while catholic school is quite small (composite classes for most year groups).

I had assumed we would always send our DS to the non-d school as neither DH or I practice any religion. However, DS is quite a timid and shy child and definitely thrives more in a smaller setting and I’m now considering whether the smaller class sizes at the catholic school may be better for him. He has a winter birthday so will also be young for his year (unless we defer, which is a whole other topic 😅)

I have made appointments to see both schools and meet with the staff, and with his early years leaders to get their input but these aren’t for a few weeks so trying to gather what info I can beforehand.

I guess my questions really are - in terms of day to day school routine, how heavily does religion feature? If you are a non-religious family and your child attends a religious school, is there much that they are left out of? I believe for things like Communion and Confirmation DS would still go along to support his peers but wouldn’t actually participate. Is there a lot of the religious aspects expected of you as a family? I’m more than happy to get stuck in to all aspects of school life and for DS to learn all about religion etc - I’d just like him to be able to make his own choice about practicing religion when he’s older.

I’m struggling to see what’s best for him at the moment and it’s making me flap 😩 I know that a smaller class would likely benefit him but then being left out of things may make him more shy and quiet than he already is. Are there any other factors I should be considering? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

there’s a section coming up that asks for a photo or drawing of the child at their christening and for a photo or drawing of someone who has died so they can say prayers for them in heaven

Blimey, that's a bit full on. In Primary it would be very unusual to know someone who died. I think we did have the bapitism bit, but I seem to remember you could just bring in a photo of you as a baby. It all worked out. Those who weren't Catholic did other stuff when others were preparing for First Holy Communion. DD's only regret being that she didn't get to wear the white dress.

@fashionqueen0123

Yes, I was surprised at that. I don’t remember doing anything like that when I was in school. I suppose it’s to introduce the idea of heaven.

@KnittedCardi

It can (and in most cases will) be a relative that died before they were born like a grandparent or great grandparent.

yes. I mean that could really upset some kids. I literally can not imagine our school asking for that I think there would be outrage!

@fashionqueen0123

The instructions to parents are “Chat together about a person who has died. Draw a picture or paste a photo of the person they would like to remember.” and there’s a prayer to say with them.

It’s actually coming up this month so I suppose if I don’t want dd learning this, I will just have to speak to the teacher before then.
At least for us, we aren’t actually practicing catholics and can opt out of the religious lessons if we want to (although it will mean she will have to do something else while the others do religion and it takes up quite a lot of time school week - especially in communion/ confirmation years).
If we were practicing and only had an issue with this particular lesson, I don’t think there’s much we could do about it. It’s part of the curriculum and the book the lesson has come from has been approved by the Catholic Bishops Conference.
Unfortunately, the way it is here in Ireland, most of the schools are Catholic schools. The only school in the area that isn’t, there’s practically no hope of getting in because so many apply to it every year.

I suppose the after life and God’s role in that is one of the very central beliefs of the faith. Children cannot get religious instruction without learning that, it’s key.

This is why I didn’t baptise my daughter. So I could ask that she doesn’t learn this stuff. But of course she is going to pick some of it up regardless.

At least they won’t be learning about hell, purgatory, limbo etc…although, they probably will touch on those things later on. They’re also key to the religion, no matter how upsetting they are to hear about.

I follow a Catholic primary school on Facebook in America and they recently did the same thing with a display of photos of people who'd died. It was linked to Day of the Dead. I'd better not post a photo of the display which was nice, but the text was "Our 8th grade Spanish students celebrating Dia de Los muertos!"

That’s very interesting the one that’s not catholic is very popular!

My nieces and nephews attend Catholic schools. The level of homophobia in the curriculum is disturbing. So disturbing that we changed who we want to take care of our child if something happens to us. While we don’t think the adults actually would discriminate against our LGB child, the fact that they think it is ok to send their children to a school that tells them they are deficient in any way tells me they would not be sufficiently supportive. It really changed my entire view of the parents.

Y send them to a school where they’ll b the odd one out, smaller classes means they’ll stick out more. Do they enjoy prayers and religion if not avoid.

I chose a Catholic school for DS because their relationships education curriculum aligns more closely with my GC beliefs than the wishy washy crap the council are peddling in our area. At our school, it's about 50/50 Catholic/non-Catholic, it's not a minority at all.

Everyone's experience will be different as schools vary massively.
All mine went/ go to catholic schools and we are both catholic. I would say our primary school is pretty standard as catholic schools go.
Prayers on arrival, before break and lunch, after lunch and the end of the day.
Lots of statues, crosses and pictures of saints and the pope. A prayer station in every class room.
Some kind of RE most days.
Most of Y3 is spent preparing for first holy communion.
Lots of emphasis on behaviour and how actions/ words affect others.
Manners and being respectful very important.

I haven't encountered any fire and brimstone or going to hell talk or any negativity towards same sex relationships. They are taught to love and respect each other whatever differences and god loves us all. There was a transgender child who was supported and respected by everyone. I know of two same sex couples at the school.

As long as you're ok with that kind of thing go for it. It can be very hard if you're not on board with it though.

November is the months we remember the dead so totally normal to be asked to think about loved ones that have passed.

Out of interest, do you know if this is set at the school/academy group level or Diocese level? As ours doesn't seem to be anti-LGBT children, they actively welcome them and respect them, they just also don't promote anything to do with it.

If he is timid I would not go for the catholic school. Of all the religious denominations their schools plug the religion most; and do not forget the spectre of catholic guilt - they are big on that. Do you want him to carry that around for his life?

I also remember being terrified of the stations of the cross on the walls and the bleeding hearts - I would not put a child of mine through this.

I want to Catholic Primary School and Catholic Secondary School and even back then (in the 1970s and 1980s) there were plenty of students who didn’t go to Mass so I can’t imagine it’s any stricter now.

But yeah, you’re best checking the criteria to get in, it’s usually based on if the child has been Christened, if they’ve got a sibling already at the school, if they’re a looked after child etc.