6 days PP, newborn, toddler and can’t stop crying

[Xxx122]

Hi Mums,

Im not exactly sure what I am looking for posting, Maybe reassurance…

I have a beautiful LG who is 20 months old, she is my whole world and best friend. I caught pregnant pretty soonish after unplanned and have recently given birth to a LB 5 days old.

I felt on top of the world the first 3 days. Day 4 arrived and I have not stopped crying since.

I am combi feeding, mostly BF. Newborn is extremely unsettled, unable to put him down at all.

The guilt of my LG having such a life change is literally eating me away. I am struggling so much to give attention to both without feeling like I am missing out.

When I am with my LG i feel like i am missing out on newborn, when I am with newborn it breaks my heart watching my little girl not having me to herself like she is used too.

I can literally cry on queue. Then i feel guilty for crying around my babies.

Dad is helping lots with newborn, but then I feel resentful that he is bonding more with him than me.

Please tell me it gets better. Dad is currently off on paternity but usually works away for two weeks at a time. I have no idea how I am going to manage with a newborn who cant be put down.

My LG still co sleeps. Newborn has been staying downstairs with Dad. How an earth will I sleep! I know newborn cannot join us in bed but he will not go down for more than 10 minutes without screaming.

I just don’t know how people manage to divide their time. The mum guilt is eating me away!

It's 6 days!
Your hormones & emotions are all over the place.
It's a big upheaval but you & your partner will cope, remember to keep communicating & to find a few minutes each day for yourselves.
Your toddler won't remember life without her brother, it's a change but she'll soon settle in to it.

Your baby is 6 days old.
You will find a routine with him in time but not yet.

Try to relax alittle & worry less and enjoy your time with your children.

Sounds like your partner is stepping up, have you others to help when he goes away?

Toddler with Dad, newborn with you. The little one needs you most at the moment, and I know it's hard but that's probably why they're feeling so unsettled. Newborns want their mums, especially if you're breastfeeding.

It's not easy, but it can be done. I'd try and figure out a sleep routine for your older child now while Dad is off work - you're going to exhaust yourself trying to go between the two otherwise. So baby either in a side cot and you bedsharing with toddler, or toddler in a toddler bed in your room (if she won't go elsewhere, understandable as mine didn't either), and baby in bed with you.

It's only early! Hormones galore. You'll be just fine, it just needs some thinking about. Congratulations!

Oh sweetie, the hormones are SO bad at this point! You're doing so well, managing both children, feeding baby and supporting your wee girl. How wonderful that she is getting to sleep with you and your boy is getting some quality time with dad

I have a 4 month old and a 7yo. It does get a bit easier (so far!) and watching the big one love the baby, and the baby ADORE the big one is absolutely wonderful. I'm sure your two will be good friends in time. It's incredibly tough - you're a hero, two under two is beyond me! - but you'll muddle through ❤️

I feel guilty for both big one missing out on my full attention and baby being ignored in favour of big ones needs, but I think they are both gaining so much from having a sibling that it's worth my guilt!

It sounds like what you are experiencing is the "Baby blues" which is an unreasonably twee and cutesy name for something that is very real and very uncomfortable for many new mothers. It is a drastic hormonal change that causes it apparently and it does improve in most cases.

The guilt thing about having to split your time is something else I would say, but also very normal. I think this is very common too, especially when you have basically got two babies to divide your time between.

This does get better and you will all adjust. Try and find things to do with your daughter that you can do while feeding the little one. Like tea parties and reading books together, sit and play whatever games and jigsaws she likes. Paint together etc. She will enjoy those games just the same whilst you are holding a baby. When the baby naps you can play the more active games. Use the time that the baby sleeps a lot to give her as much attention as you can and she will know she still has you.

I felt just like this when I had my second but when I see my two little ones playing together and hugging and telling each other they love them, I'm so happy they have each other. You will get to a place where they both know they are loved and they each have their place in the family. These first few days and weeks are hardest but you will definitely get there.

Here is a link. Keep talking to your midwife. Oh, and congratulations!!!

https://www.nct.org.uk/information/life-parent/wellbeing-mental-health/baby-blues-what-expect

My DS is now 7 weeks old and I was on the same boat as you round about that time. It really does get better! My first born is 5 and the mum guilt hit me when he got upset asking why the baby got all my attention. It’s a horrible feeling but it’s exactly the attention your new baby needs from you at the moment. You’re doing amazing!

Thank you so much. I know they will be best friends before I know it. But boy what an adjustment period we are all going through!

The help when my partner is away is minimal, but LG is back at childcare 3 days per week next week so that should help.

Thanks for the advice, I definitely need to relax a little. There only this small for such a short period. Hoping tomorrow is a better day!

I didn’t get this hormone crash with my LG so its all so new to me!

Thank you! My LG is so used to being with me 24/7 due to Dad working away so much. I struggle to watch her wanting me when he tries to take over occupying her.

Newborn is a cryer so trying not to not wake LG up is tricky! Im hoping he settles soon so I can atleast put him down.

Thank you so much for being so kind. I think I am setting unrealistic expectations but so far it definitely isn’t how I imagined

Get a safe set up to co sleep with both . I've got my first day solo with 3 kids tomorrow after my husbands pat leave he also works away you'll find your new normal

What you wrote - was exactly how it was in my head when DС2 was born.
It hit me a little later than you, but then it was a full blown PND.

Hope you don’t go that way 🤞🤞

But yes - as others suggested - get your toddler to co-sleep with dad. You take the newborn and keep him in your room at night, to establish breastfeeding.

It’s early days, and hopefully as your baby gets more into a pattern of sleeping and feeding - you can also get some rest at time.
And hopefully ‘baby blues’ don't turn into anything worse.

But if it doesn’t change and you feel yourself spiralling - please ask for help!!!

You've got those "baby blues" because your hormones are dancing a fandango!

Try to relax, and go with the flow. Don't worry about routines in these very early days, it's more important for you to recover from the birth, so take things easy.
Congratulations on your new baby!

I have a similar age gap. I also felt enormous guilt in the early days, like
i was failing them both. I ended up carrying the newborn in a sling all day long and giving DD as much of my attention that I could while he slept.

Keeping the older one in nursery a few days a week definitely helps. You will get into a good routine and it will get easier I promise. First three months are tough then it gets easier bit by bit. My DD was very jealous of her brother at first but they are 4 and 3 now and great friends most of the time and play so well together.

It will pass I promise, hang in there you’re doing a great job

I hear you! I felt like all I did was cry and I felt like it lasted a lot longer this time than with my first. Just remember these feelings are temporary. The best gift you can give your child is a sibling xx

Update, nearly three weeks in and things have gotten so much better. Thank you all for your kind words and reassurance that things do get better!

Well done, love! It takes time to settle into routines in the early days, especially with two. What a lovely update! How are you feeling?

Day 5 is the worst day for baby blues it's normal and it will pass

So glad to hear you are feeling better! You can now enjoy the time with your little bubba xx