How did you find a relationship counsellor?

[anint]

I've googled and have browsed the bacp directory, but still feel like I'd just be making a stab in the dark at this point.

I've heard that Relate is good, but DH wants a male counsellor and I'm not sure if we'd be given the choice if we were to go through them?

Looking to improve communication and work through two or three core issues that keep cropping up - instead of working through them we seem to keep arguing and resentment keeps building. Both want to stay in the relationship but feel we've arrived at an impasse with these things, and think it might be time to get outside help before things spiral further.

Looking for general advice, but if anyone has a recommendation in central SW London that would be great, too!

I’d like to k ow this

Why does he want a male therapist?

Lots offer free consultations so that's your opportunity to interview them. Can happen over zoom or in person. What you want to have is a prior set of questions to ask them.

To not waste your time you want a therapist that's going to have concrete examples of techniques and approaches to reach your goals. Rather than just talking therapy, how's your week been. Or a mediator to just hold space for you to both talk. Obviously a good therapist can encompass all these but with structure.

Do you feel certain there is no abuse present in the relationship? We never advise couple counselling when that is present but individual counselling. There are some who will do individual and couples so they are getting both side of the issue.

Reviews can be tricky because therapy can be so individual and we all want something different out of it. So part of it is try and see which can be frustrating and costly.

With relate it might be possible to ask for a male therapist but you won't necessarily get one/waiting list. It's also hit and miss with getting a good therapist much like the NHS. It really depends on the level of expertise you might need.

If the issues are anything sexual in nature then you need a specialist. It can be damaging and can actually create more trauma seeing the wrong uninformed therapist.

For communication help I'd advise doing your own research on which styles you might like to follow and then add that in to your interview questions for a therapist.
Things like non violent communication, the gottmans have a model of communication, Imago is another type by the hendrix's.

I do wish it was easier but unfortunately it's a pretty unregulated industry. Much like hospitals none of the different sectors actually share with eachother which is bonkers.

Commonly what we do find is male partners particularly often need some prep work to really be able to constructively attend couples counselling. Obviously not all but this might be something to consider.

Go online on relate and book a phone interview. Just for you then ask them for a male therapist. They've been fab for us.

Do they let you go over past problems or is all about forgiveness and moving forward?

You can talk about whatever you like. The second session is split so you each speak alone with the counsellor.

I’m a Relate trained couples therapist. Relate do have male counsellors so you could certainly request one though you might have to wait to be allocated one. If you are looking through BACP or COSRT directories you can also narrow down that way. Do look for someone with specific relationship counselling qualifications. As the Pp says it’s an unregulated profession sadly and anyone trained with individuals can say they work with couples but it’s an entirely different way of working. Relate is a pretty safe bet.

We love Relate and it's improved our lives no end from being at the point of divorce! Thank you